Growthtrac Community

[ladyt]

SAM,

I am so sorry to hear of this struggle you are facing. You can begin to feel you are fighting this battle on your own. Not bashing men here, however they can ne so insensitive to intimate needs of others, especially towards elderly parents as they do not want to have to be the ones to take care of them but do not want to come straight out and admit it.

I have a friend whose mother is living with them now. They had a room built onto their home for her. Her siblings disagreed with the move, however they were not willing to allow the mom to live with them. Its been 10 yrs now and they are still causing my friend and her husband grief over one thing or another. They wanted her to go to a nursing home and my friend and her husband said no. Of course initially my friend had to prod her husband into making the final decision.

We are living in a "me" world today. As time passes its getting so pronounced. You and your husband may have to make an unpopular decision based on what God reveals to you when you bring this issue before Him. I will keep this issue in prayer.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Phillipians 4:6

[SAM]

Thanks for that perspective, RD, it's very true about the nurturing/caretaking side of things. I'm realizing it's simply not how my BIL's and husband are wired. Although, my husband really does give it an honest try. I have watched his frustration level rise when he simply does not know how to respond to her.

We just spent the past five days doing a bedroom makeover at my MIL's home. From tearing up old carpeting, to laying new allergen free flooring, to washing walls, painting, and cleaning out the closet of old and dusty clothing. Any young women into retro clothing will have a ball!

I could not see sending her home to an environment that will only exasperate her breathing difficulties. At least there is some sense of peace that she is in a REALLY clean room where she spends most of her time. My husband is proud of what we accomplished for her - although we are chewing Advil's like candy. We are so sore!

[rdsmith3]

It's great that you do so much for your MIL.

On Labor Day, we went to visit my 83.5 year old mother. I appreciate that she is still in pretty good health.

[ladyt]

Good is so faithful...even when we're not. I just checked my mail from Sat. My ex attorney has cancelled mediation since the child will be 18, ten days after mediation. Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow. I told this to my ex a while back and asked that he cancelled but nooo. So I Ieft it to God and trusted He would take care of it.

[SAM]

I take it this is very good news? No more attorneys.

[ladyt]

Well for now the custody issue is out the door but now the non-* of child support is still an open case. He will keep atorney for that. I will not retain one. He wants the court to credit him for 2 mos of child spt but he is still behind almost 2 more months that I will not forgive. He is also asking the court for me to pay his attorney fees since I requested the suspension of his DL.

When he got the notice, he had 20 days to respond. He waited til day 18 and that was a holiday weekend, so the request to stop it was received on the 21st day and they had already requested his lic be suspended. If he was thinking he would have responded right away abut the intent to suspend his lic so I feel I should not have to pay his attorney fees.

[SAM]

This is all for not taking care of his child support obligation as I understand? They suspend his license when he is behind?

[ladyt]

Correct. Non-* of Child Spt can result in suspension of license.

[resecured]

Surely, they will see that he did not respond in time, so that you would not have to pay anything. Also given the fact that it is something that is done if they do not give child support. It's apparently an option that is given. It wouldn't have happened had not he done what he needed to do. It's not like he wasn't aware of the time limit. Will be so glad when all of this is finished and you basically will not have to deal with him anymore. Great about the mediation being cancelled too. I wonder what your ex thought about that.

How are things with your daughter going?

-RJ-

[SAM]

God loves to work through the "details".
How are your daughter and grandson doing?

You seem to be more at peace in the moment.

[ladyt]

Hello everyone,

I have been through a few fires since my last posting. My ex's attorney tried to have me pay his attorney fees. My ex got anxious as he did not know what I would do next since I told his attorney I would seek legal counsel. Well I was led to look at the situation.

1. My dau stayed with him 2 months and stayed with my son 3 weeks due to domestic conflict between my dau and I.
2. So the court could award him 2 or the 4 months of the child support he owes.
3. If we go to court and fees are recovered, we both would be responsible for court fees.
4. He has talked my daughter into moving tomorrow so that eliminates 1 of the 2 months left that he owes.
5. I rather have him completely out of my hair than to attempt two different court hearings and pay money that negates what he owes!

So I decided to let it all go. She will be 18 in 8 days and guess what? I won't be out of one penny. He has spent close to $2k over this.

I'm done. I'm at peace. My peace is worth more than 1 or 2 months of child support plus the emotional trauma he tries to throw at me over money. Money is NOT my God. Amen! Now I can focus more of the better part of my life.

I want to focus on righteousness. I want to be more like Christ each and every day I have remaining on this earth. I will continue to pray that my dau does not get pregnant since she is not on birth control as she is in denial.

[SAM]

Glad it seems to be all settled. We will keep praying for you and some peace and rest in your life, as well as protection over your daughter and grandson.

[resecured]

ladyt,

I don't blame you one bit. Move on with your life. It will be interesting to see what happens in the future now that you are finished haggling with him. Just be sure and dot every i and cross every t so that he can never bother you again. I know that sounds like a dream come true, doesn't it.

Am praying for you and your daughter. Is she still in counseling?

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Hello everyone,

Thanks for your continued and needed prayers. I am so thankful for you all. My dau is all moved out. I asked her to leave door key and she put it on the counter and now it’s not there. So I will change my back door lock on Sat. She was so rude to me yesterday and today, always saying NO to anything I say or ask.

I almost got back in the ring with my ex but I phoned his attorney and asked her to hurry and type the documents for me to sign before I change my mind.

Today was a hard day for me to see my dau and grandson go. My dau is so neglectful. When DCF is here she acts like the perfect mother but when they leave she goes back to her old ways. I can't stand to see her prop his bottle up to feed himself. But anyway I won't go into all of that but please continue to intercede for them.

There is NOTHING more he has to harass me about. My dau will have to ask him for lunch money, car insurance money for Oct. I pd $65 for senior dues last night and that was it for me. I have spent so much money on her and baby until I can't get things done that I wanted to get done. But God is still good.

Well I better get to bed. Going to the Holy Land tomorrow in Orlando, FL.

[SAM]

I'm sure it had to be a hard day for you, as you can clearly see how non-beneficial this arrangement will be for your daughter and your grandson. Hopefully, she will come to see how much of a help you were to her.