Growthtrac Community

[vitamintl]

I have been married to my husband for 7.5 years and in that time he has had 4 different emotional affairs. The first occurred with a co-worker 4 years ago. We were having problems in our marriage since we had recently had a son and my time wasn't dedicated all to my husband or his favorite passtime working out anymore. The emotional affair went on for about a year until I found out about it and confronted him. He promised that it would never happen again and things in the marriage got better. Last year (2 years later) I felt him pulling away from me again so I started checking his cell phone records and noticed several calls to the same number. He had been traveling for week about 1 week a month and the calls were always when his plane landed or took off. I also saw that the phone number in his cell phone was a woman's number he had listed under "Hot Contacts" I found out that he was having emotional affairs with 3 different women at the same time and thinking of them all sexually. He says nothing physical happened with any of them. I asked for him to get everything out in the open so we could start fresh and we joined a church and brought God into our family. I caught him in a few lies over the past year, but overall I thought we were doing really well and going to church and adding God into our lives as well as our 6 year old son's life. I noticed my husband pulling away from me again and I asked him what he was struggling with. He says that we don't have enough sex and that I don't work out enough. He hounds me constantly about working out so I have somewhat of a complex about having sex with him, because I don't feel my body is what he wants it to be. I am by no means overweight (5'7 - 138 lbs), but I don't look like I did when we first met. He said he wasn't sure if he could love me if I gained 10 lbs. I told him that he needs to accept me and love me unconditionally, like God loves us. He said that he doensn't think he can love anyone including God unconditionally. He's a very angry and self absorbed person and I've dealt with it since we've been together, I've been praying and reading God's Word constantly over the past year for God to show me what to do in this relationship and to change his heart and attitude. I am so worried about our 6 year old son. My husband is just like his father and puts conditions on his love. If my son does something good related to sports he showers him with affection, but if he doesn't he is very hard on him. My son is starting to notice how angry his father is all of the time and talks to me about it often. We have done marital counseling with our paster and outside counselors as well. I am really confused so I met with my pastor and his wife for direction recently. I don't know what to do, we are going on a missions trip to Africa on Saturday for two weeks with our church and am hoping that the Lord speaks to me and tells me what to do with this situation. My family who are also Christians think I need to move on at this point because he doesn't want to change and deal with his anger and think he'll cheat again. I'm afraid he will keep cheating as he is involved in porn and is a very sexual person. My Pastor has suggested I also see a Christian counselor but says that it will be a long road of recovery regardless if I stay with him or divorce him. What do I do? Please pray that the Lord will show me the path he wants me to follow. I haven't made a decision to stay or leave as I want to do what is according to God's will for me, but feel like divorce is a better option for me at this point. I want my little boy to grow up to be a Godly man and his father isn't setting that example.

[filmawny]

This is a case where NO ONE can really tell you your course of action with regard to whether to stay or leave. I will only recommend that you FAST and PRAY and SEEK GOD'S COUNCIL. Ony He can direct you since He is part of the Triad relationship of your marriage. He it is who knows your husband best and what can be done.

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! And ask God's guidance.

[resecured]

I will be praying for you and your family.

-RJ-