Marriage is about common ground. If you have a passion, it may not necessarily be shared by your spouse with much or any enthusiasm.
Yes, you both need to find something fun to do together, but why are you the one who has to give in to something you really don't like.
The simple answer is Love Is..."It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:5)
To show Love to your spouse you must give 100 percent and so must they. When you or your spouse start thinking, why must I give in, you focus on yourself and you start keeping record.
Let's take motorcycles out of the picture and say that the wife is interested in something like quilting. Her husband puts his foot down and says I am NOT going to go to the quilt show with her. She is constantly wanting me to do things that she likes to do. She spends all her time at the sewing machine and hanging out with her quilting buddies. I don't want to go the quilt show and spend Saturday afternoon with her, doing that, now if she would just do what I want, we could be happy.
The wife has made an offer to spend time with her husband and share something that she really enjoys with him. She likes being with her quilting buddies, but she really wants her husband to understand what she likes about this hobby that takes up a great deal of her free time. If he were to take the time with his wife, he might not love quilting, but he might understand her better. In addition, by not putting a foot down, he shows his love for her. He can say the next time, I have done that with you, but to tell you the truth, it just isn't something that I enjoy. I love spending time with you and I would really like us to find something we can enjoy together. He could even go as far as suggesting something that he is really interested in that she hasn't explored.
For the life of me I really don't get the same rise out of the wood shop that my husband does, but I have spent enough time there with him, to make him feel comfortable about talking to me about it. I even held my tongue when he cut his thumb off and I had to run him 20 miles to the nearest emergency room for them to reattach it. (1 Corinthians 13:7 love...It always protects)
It has been my experience, with the men in my life, husband, parents, grandparents, brother, and friends, that men like to do active, sometimes sweaty, sometimes dangerous things, and sometimes they like to do them implulsively. The women I know are more likely to analyze every angle before doing anything. My husband has often accused me of not knowing how to have fun, but in reality, I spend so much time analyzing the cost, impact, time spent and other aspects of any situation, that I talk myself out of something, before I do it.
When we go on vacation, I pull up all the activity schedules for where ever we are going and mull them all over. I consider what I like, what he likes, what we can afford, what we have time for and I am satisfied that I have all the information I need. (My primary need is satisfied.) I no longer show the options to my husband ahead of arriving, because he needs to believe that whatever we do is spontaneous. I present three or four options that I can live with and that I know he would love. I also usually throw in one that he can reject without ever thinking. (The Quilt Museum) In our case I think about what I need from the situation, but it isn't primary. The primary goal is a family or couple, building time. My husband gets the option to pick the things he likes the most, but he also looks at the list and figures what I would like the most. (Yes, I am pretty sure he knows about my researching, but we choose not to talk about it.)
Last year he surprised me with a really short trip on which he did all the planning. He spent time thinking about what I needed and made all the arrangements, because he believes I have spent so much time doing what he wanted over the years. It was perfect.
by rdsmith3 » Fri Apr 06, 2007 6:36 am 
