Growthtrac Community

[alwaysconfused]

Married 5 years, 1 child. I have never been faithful in any relationship I have ever had and it has carried into my marriage. Was involved in a 2+ year affair with another man, my ex-fiancee. Ended it for good (or so I thought) 3 or so months ago, and I told myself I need to stop communication, and recommit to my marriage. I did that and I felt ok for awhile, but the feelings of unfulfilledness and blah are taking over me again in my marriage and my thoughts are straying. This is a pattern with me, every couple of months I get really emotional, irritated with my husband, and fed up at home. I have felt this way with everyone I have ever dated also, ver hard for me to remain with only 1 person. Its not sex I am after, its the intense emotional and mental connection I feel for a new love or a re-kindled love, sex just so happened to be involved within the affair, but was not at the forefront of my yearning. I do not have strong feelings for my husband, sexually, emotionally, love, etc. It is more a marriage of convenience, sadly. Very difficult for me to be sexual or intimate with him. I do love and care for him alot, but not so much in a husbandly way, if you know what I mean. I feel very detached from him, and when things are going ok, it's because I am really pushing hard to be all I can be, albeit faking it alot of the time to make him happy, which just results in a deeper unhappiness for me. Very hard to make sense of all this, why I am here, why is my marriage like this, why I can't get it together, why i am not satisfied, why I still yearn for the comfort of other men....I cry silently at night.

[rdsmith3]

Hi. Welcome here. It is a good sign that you have come here, and that you recognize the issues you have with relationships.

After the adultery, did you get any counseling? Does your husband know, or did you just decide on your own to stop?

Whatever issues caused you to commit adultery are still present, and your best course of action is to get some counseling to work on those issues.

[km]

I strongly agree with rdsmith3 here.

You really need to get to the bottom of your issues with relationships, and counseling is the best way to do so (find a good Christian counselor).

You sound like yo're hooked on the intoxicating feelings of a new relationship (the mix of lust and infatuation with the new) and can't see/experience mature love.

[lynn]

Dear Alwaysconfused

I agree that the rush and excitement of a new relationship can be intoxicating. The adrenalin rush of the thought that you might get caught. I was also once trapped in that situation. I thought I was in love with this other man and that he meant the world to me blah blah blah. Then the Lord showed me on my sin and what it was doing not just to my husband and kids, but also to me. When you look in the mirror what do you see? I didn't recognise myself. I felt lost and hopeless the thought of my husband touching me made my skin crawl.

The Lord made me make some serious decisions about my life through our Christian councillor. The biggest decision I had to make was that "Was I prepared to give Jesus a chance to save my marriage and me?" I answered yes...........

The journey is hard and some times you feel like running away, but one thing I can confess is that I have never felt more satisfied in my life knowing that I belond to God of Grace that loves me unconditionally. Jesus has filled my heart and thoughts with a desire for my husband that grows daily (Even when he makes me mad). I have seen positive changes in him and also in my children and all because I DECIDED that I'm going to give my life to the Lord.

I only had one affair, but trust me I know the temptations that comes with it, the devil wispering you have done it before you might as well do it again.

I can only testify that I have tasted both adulltery and the Grace of God and if given the choice I will choose forgiveness and Grace over and over and over again, because once you have experienced the Grace of God first hand and you have felt the love of Jesus Christ in it's true format. Trust me it surpases any satisafaction that you will find in any man's arms.

When I first confessed my adultery to our Christian coucillor he quoted John 8 v 1-12. take the time and consentrate on v11 & 12. I memorised it and every time the Devil comes knocking I tell him what the word says.

I hope that you will choose Jesus.

[mleotacybercop_2000]

When Jesus asked her where are those who condemn you ...........and then told her to leave and sin no more .....was that it. she didn't need to confess to someone. Too many times we are prone to think that if we just ask God to forgive us then its ok.....and its true , but I feel that there is a lil more that needs to be said. If its infidelity then You ...as part of repentance should tell your Husband or Wife.