Growthtrac Community

[SAM]

If you have not had an opportunity to go see the Fireproof movie this weekend, I highly recommend it. And, purchase the Love Dare book.

If we are not leaving everything in front of the cross, to serve our spouse with Christlike love, they know it. If there are alterior motives, that if we give something, they will give it back - they will see right through us.
Christ did things for others, expecting nothing in return.

I continue to pray for your marriage.

If you haven't had a chance to purchase Power of A Praying Husband by Stormie O'Martian or Every Man's Marriage by Stephen Arterburn, please try and do so.

[dgr]

I have read the Power of a Praying Husband book. I've finished it once and go back to it just about every night.

We did go to see Fireproof last night but while we were in the restaurant she wanted to "chat" about who we would date if we were to get divorced. I blew up. Took her home right then.

On the way home she said that "we haven't had a date in so long and you want to take me to see this ""christian crap"".

I don't know. About ready to give her what she wants. Am tired of being played the fool.

[charity1]

dgr,
Go back and read your previous posts. On September 6th you said:

I am going to give her time. A lifetime!

You seem to really love this woman. I have no idea what is going on with her, but continue to show your love for her and continue praying. You promised her a lifetime, so that is what you need to give her. God works in His time, not ours. You had mentioned in one of your posts that she calls you "preachy" and then you took her to a Christian movie, maybe it is time to back off some. Try not to push her in any way. Just continue to show her love in every way you can, and try not to get discouraged.

Jam 1:2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
Jam 1:3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
Jam 1:4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Jam 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Jam 1:6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
Jam 1:7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
Jam 1:8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

[rdsmith3]

Our progress as Christians, and in our marriages, is not going to be a straight line. There will always be setbacks. Remember, too, that satan does not want to see marriages thrive, and he will be attacking harder just when you are making progress.

Please try to be patient with your wife, and keep working at making lasting changes in yourself.

[dgr]

I just wonder if she will ever let me measure up to her expectations.

I want her to stay in this marriage for me. Feeling very frustrated at the moment and came here to calm myself. Didn't want to be part of a fight with her.

[SAM]

DGR -

We have not heard from you in awhile. Is everything OK?

[dgr]

Still praying like crazy 5 or 6 times a day. Have been reading "Landmines in the Path of the Believer" by Charles Stanley. Very good book. Also go back to "Power of a Praying Husband" almost every day. Am also reading "The Shack" and sometimes I'll read "Power of a Praying Wife" to get insight into myself.

She is reading the "Five languages of Love".

We are both in church right now and for some reason every sermon is really hitting us both. It seems like our pastor is tailoring his sermons directly for us. God is definitely working in our marriage I can tell that!

She rolled over last night and held me, wanted to talk a bit, wanted to be in my arms. Thats was refreshing.

In the end, I do think that things are going to be okay. She's taking positive steps, as am I.

Just this 2 steps forward, 2 steps back thing going right now gets us both frustrated.

I told her last night that I was not going to give up on her, that I still believed in her, that I would be there when she came through was she was going through.

We still desperately need your prayers. This website has been very helpful for both of us. She comes on here sometimes and reads. We've been going through all of the threads from way back reading peoples posts. I realize that there are many people just like us out there.

Thank you all.

[SAM]

That is so good to hear. Baby steps. And, you're right - you are not alone in your struggles with marriage even though it may feel that way at times.

I'll keep praying.

[dgr]

Just an update.

Things have been going well. We are moving in positive steps. I am much more calm and at peace because she has been taking these steps. Me being calm has taken a lot of pressure off of me, resulting in me not pressuring her, resulting in her opening up more, and on and on.

She is playful again and now says that she loves me. She has told me that she thinks we are going to be okay. We still aren't out of the woods yet, but we are definitely making our way.

I do fear sometimes that both of us think we are totally fixed because it seems that when things get good we stop reading the books, etc.. Sort of get lazy that way.

I have made serious changes to myself. Not being touchy about finances anymore (I refuse to lose my wife over money). I also have been making a conscience effort to make the bed every morning and do the dishes every day. (Just a little something nice for her, I know its not a big thing) I used to just let her do the lions share of the housework and she still does more than me but I'm trying. I've even mopped a couple of times!

Church seems to hit us both every Sunday. I seriously think that God is using our pastors sermons to speak to our hearts. It seems like every sermon is talking about issues that we are dealing with. Sunday before last he gave one about unforgiveness, and last Sunday he spoke about including God in our finances. It hit us both because right now we aren't tithing and it seems like our money is taking a hit.

I've got a great boss that knows the situation and he has been very flexible with me regarding this issue. In coaching high school sports I am usually gone a lot (Late nights on Thursday 11:00 pm and Friday 1:00 A.M, gone all day Saturday and sometimes Sunday) during football season. I've made a serious effort not to come home and get all into college and pro football games. To make home time for me and her (and the kids). She has seen this effort and has responded accordingly. I've taken her out a few times. She has left me sweet notes and emails as well.

I know that Satan is still attacking us and we will have that dreaded step backward again. But I do feel like we are beating this thing and will be alright.

Again, thankyou all.

P.S. We made it through Hurricane Ike well. That was one bad hurricane! My aunt lost her entire home. Nothing but a slab of concrete left. Lots of people are hurting down here because of that storm. Please keep them in your prayers.

[SAM]

Thank you for the update - it brings a smile to my face and others here on the boards to know prayers are being answered.

I also have been making a conscience effort to make the bed every morning and do the dishes every day. (Just a little something nice for her, I know its not a big thing)

This is HUGE! In my house I call it, "Filling the crockpot with love".
My husband is a microwave and I am the crockpot when it comes to intimacy. For him, hit the button for 5 seconds and bing! For me, love is an all day slow cooking experience.

[montanna]

DGR!

Amazing update! so glad to hear you guys are on the right track!

And by the way.... it is the little things like doing the dishes, making the beds for us and small notes left places that mean the most to us in our hearts. It takes huge efforts on your part to change in that way. I'll bet you that one reason she is opening up to you as well, bc you are showing her effort!

God Bless!

bg

[resecured]

Oh gosh, Sam, you are a hoot. That sounds so like me and my husband, too.

dgr,

Am so glad of heart that things are looking up for the both of you. Isn't it truly amazing how God works? Do be careful though. Remember satan is still on the prowl and is just waiting to pounce when we are lazy, so to speak. he loves to "zing" us when we least expect it.

I love when my h. does even the simplest things that shows he cares and is thinking of me. I do things for him too. We all tend to become lazy with our spouses. That old adage of "Well, we're married, so why do anything special anymore like when we were dating?", can really hinder a marriage. It can also hinder healing. Simple little doings make for a big impact. Like for instance, when at night before bed he will make me hot chocolate. or vice versa. Then when I wake up in the morning, he has washed my cup out for me already the night before. Life is simple. We've got to stop making it so hard on each other and just enjoy. It's a work in progress, though. It can feel so out of the ordinary to go out of our way to show we care. The world tells us that it's all about "me". I don't believe we will find that being taught in God's word.

Keep up the good effort, it will pay back wonderful dividends, I promise.

-RJ-

[SAM]

I have a friend who loves it when her husband goes out and uses the snowblower for her in the winter. She loves a clean sidewalk and driveway and rewards her husband for his kindness. So, the neighbors are all curious when he pulls out the snowblower in July.

My dear husband makes me breakfast every morning, or on occasion he runs out to Starbucks. It's a fruit smoothie and maybe 1/2 a muffin and some coffee. I love that he serves me in this way. And, I always do the evening cooking, but he is my sou chef and cleaner upper. We have wood floors in our house and he dusts them or mops them for me too. I make him chocolate chip cookies when he does that for me. And, we jointly share the laundry. If one throws a load in, the other folds or vice versa. It certainly eliminates arguments about who does more around the house.

[montanna]

My husband cleaned the Toliets!!!! We have been married for 10 yrs together 13!!! Never ever a toilet!!! WOW!!! He has always done alot because he was a stay at home dad for many years... but never a toliet!!! Now that is real love.... oh yeah... he hates feet.. hates mine anyway( they are cute) lol I am now 6 mths pregnant and money is tight he gave me a pedicure!!!!

It makes me smile to think how hard he is trying!!!

[dgr]

Its only getting better! Just last night I came home from practice and she was on the couch and asked me to sit close beside her. Previously she would allow me to do that but she had never asked for it. I did and she said that she wanted me extra close. We watched television together and it was extremely nice. Said that she just wanted to be snuggled. Somewhere in the middle of it she told me that she loved me with all of her heart, that she was mine forever. She woke me in the middle of the night and basically told me the same thing. Again this morning she came to me and told me that I had nothing to ever fear again that she wanted to grow old with me.

I know that we aren't completely healed yet but this is awesome.