Growthtrac Community

[mbriga01]

He is a student at a college, and is not in a ministry position. He is pursuing a degree in youth ministry but is only a third year student. He does not minister to anyone.

[mbriga01]

It is in fact not sexual addiction, as it's not the sex he is after. He is addicted to making women fall in love with them and controlling their emotions, and then leaving them and causing them intense pain. This is how he "safely" allows himself to feel emotions. He can decide what he wants both them and himself to feel and he feels as though he has complete control. But he doesn't, and when he realizes this he leaves.

[km]

What you describe sounds like it falls under the umbrella of a sexual addiction (they are not all about the sex, they are more often about some sort of tangential issue like that).

Unless and until he straightens out, he should not get into a position of ministering to anyone.

That sort of personality issue, combined with access to young people (like high school girls, for example) in a youth ministry could be very harmful.

[rdsmith3]

mbriga01

I will keep in mind what SAM said, that there are other perspectives on this. Based on what you have said, though, it does sound like a personality disorder. If that is true, it is likely something he has struggled with for a long time, and will continue to struggle with. God can heal anything and everything, but please keep your eyes open with this person.

His desire to manipulate people for his own personal satisfaction is a sin with deep roots, probably going back to his childhood. It is not a coincidence that this has bubbled to the surface when you are pregnant. This is the point at which husbands need to get closer to their wives, and be more intimate with them. This is the point at which fathers need to start bonding with their children. It is possible that he will struggle with both of these relationships, and so his response is to run.

Obviously I do not know your husband, and this is all speculation. It is very similar to experiences I have had with some other people in my life.

[mbriga01]

I hope that I could find someone who has been through something similar to what my husband is going through. I would like a perspective that could help me to know how I can help him or what I could expect to experience in this. I want to know how best to handle this, especially when we are around each other. I've been praying to God for guidance, and I think I have a better idea now than I have before, but it would be helpful to speak to someone who is in recovery.

[SAM]

I would like a perspective that could help me to know how I can help him.

The only thing you can do to help your husband is to pray for him.

The hardest thing in a situation like this is to try and feel through your help, is that you will somehow have control of the situation. You will not be able to help or control your husband's behavior, choices, and spiritual journey. If you try to keep tabs on him, you become his mother. And, you do not allow him to process his own recovery.

The hardest thing is to sit, lift up your palms and hand control over to God. Surrendering all of it to him will make you feel powerless. But, in reality you are.

When he hurts you, let him know. Do not hide your feelings from him. He needs to know how deep your pain is.

[mbriga01]

I chose to take the stance of electing to actively do nothing, and I agree that it would be good to tell him how I feel. Thank you for your help, I'll keep you posted on what happens.