Growthtrac Community

[Mishymu]

As basic as I can get.
Married 23 years, he's has numerous affairs.They have been confessed and I have tried to forgive(not sure how successful I a have been because they keep happening!) Found out that he molested our daughter from ages 8-11 (she is now 15) not intercourse or even penetration, just illicit touching on his part, none on hers. He confessed, but now says that he has confessed to God and God forgave him, I need to do the same.Says he "purposed in his heart" to never do anything like that again, but I have heard that too many times. The world says I need to leave, but I know that God hates divorce. I want healing for our family but not sure whether we can do so after so many hurts. What does God say? What is right? Do I leave in an attempt to help my daughter heal? Do I choose Him over her? what am I supposed to do?

[SAM]

Does your daughter say the molestation has stopped?
If not, your first priority is to protect her, which means either you leave the home or he leaves.

Unless counseling occurs for your daughter and marital counseling occurs for you as a couple, healing is never going to happen. I believe your husband has a sexual addiction, or an addiction to pornography.

As for the infidelity - it you ever find out it has occurred again, it is time to leave. He needs to know this that you will no longer tolerate this behavior from him.

James Dobson has written a wonderful book called, "Love Must Be Tough" which I would highly recommend for your situation.

[Mishymu]

Yes, she agrees that it stopped 5 years ago, Iam just finding out about it. Wounds are awfuly deep right now. Question, can he be prosecuted if he confides in a counselor? I think that would do more damage to my daughter because she wants to just put it behind her and go on

[SAM]

Your daughter's well being and need for healing is more important than the possibility of a counselor reporting your husband to the authorities. I'm not even sure that can happen because of confidentiality requirements. However, I'm not an attorney or counselor.

Sin kept in hiding always has a way of seeping to the surface, even though we want to bury it. God doesn't let it stay hidden - it has consequences for those who committed it.

What has happened to your daughter has long term ramifications that will affect her future relationships with men and the husband she will have some day. Your top priority is her - not the protection of your husband who abused her.

You ask the question, do you have to chose? Yes, you do. Your daughter over your husband. He is the abuser - she is the victim.

[psychtheoretic]

As a person who works with individuals who have been sexually abused as a child, I say leave him for the sake of your kids. The sexual abuse will influence your kids' life for a while. I've seen many kids resent their mother for not leaving their sexual abusers.

Also, thinking about yourself! Is your marriage worth all this? Don't you deserve better?

It's hard to trust someone who has broken your trust once, but to trust that person again after being hurt twice... I'm not sure if he deserves your love.