Growthtrac Community

[rdsmith3]

I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT AND HOW TO HANDLE THIS DO I JUST SHUT UP AND IF GOD HAS SOMETING FOR ME TO SAY THEN HE WILL PLACE IT ON MY MOUTH TO SAY. IM TIRED OF HIM HURTING MY DAUGHTER EMOTIONALLY.

Michelle,

You are right that you should not accept disrespectful behavior from your daughter. I am going through the same thing with my teenage son. He has had extended periods of time without computer, play station, MP3 player, etc. As parents, we have to help kids be good adults, and he has to learn that it is not acceptable to be dishonest, manipulative, or disrespectful.

However, it sounds like you have another issue going on. It really sounds like you and your husband might need some counselling to address other issues. Your husband should not be cruel to your daughter. You should not just let it go by. Verbal abuse (if that is what is happening) is still abuse.

Good luck.

[firstchild69]

I AGREE AND WE ARE DOING COUNSELING RIGHT NOW. THE ONLY THING IS WE ARE DOING IT SEPERATLY. BUT AS OF MON WE START IT TOGETHER. I AM JUST VERY TIRED AND WORN TO THE CORE. IF ITS NOT ONE THING ITS ANOTHER. BELIEVE ME I DONT STAND FOR THE WAY HE TREAST ME OR HER VERBALLY, NEVER PHYSICAL. BUT ITS STILL HURTS. I HAVE A LONG HISTORY WITH THIS MAN I AM MARRIED TO, HE WAS ALSO MY FIRST MARRIAGE. I WAS MARRIED TO MY CHILDRENS DAD AND WE DIVORCED AND I REMARRIED MY HUSBAND NOW. WE GREW UP TOGETHER. WE DO HAVE A DEEP LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER, WE BOTH COME FROM VERY DIFFERENT BACK GROUNDS, AND HE HAS TO LEARN THAT WHAT HE SAYS AND DOES, DOES EFFECT ALL OF OUR CHILDREN AND HE IS THE ADULT AND HE IS THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO SET THE EXAMPLE. AND THE EXAMPLE THAT HE IS SETTING FOR OUR OTHER THREE IS NOT A GOOD ONE. SO I PRAY THAT ONE DAY HIS EYES WILL BE OPEN TO ALL THIS. UNTIL THEN I RELY ON THE LORD AND MY COUNSELER FOR VENTING AND HERE LOL. I JUST WISH I NEW WHAT TO SAY AT THE MOMENT IT OCCURS BUT I THINK I M JUST TO WORN OUT SOMETIMES..

[greenwidow]

I have been a step-child more years than I have been a biological child to anyone...

That might seem like an odd statement, but my parents were divorced when I was five and I had two new step-parents within a year. The hardest part about being a step-child is not belonging to anyone. Your bio parents have to work on new relationships. Your step-parents are really afraid to connect and your new siblings are jealous. Grandparents are careful to denote that you are a step-child and aunts and uncles just never tune in to you. I can't tell you the number of times that holidays came and I sat in the corner while my step-brothers and sisters were hugged and kissed. Gifts were also a place where things got out of whack the things I received looked like dime store novelties while my step-brother's stuff always looked like FAO Schwartz. The relationship problems are more than just with the parents. I sometimes think that a lot could be done for blended families by asking all the other generations to make a real effort on making everyone feel welcome.

I was a good student, smart, polite, and compliant. My brother was not. He caught a lot of stuff from both sides. He also never remembered our parents being a family and his early memories are of an abusive step-father.

Our first step-mother constantly fought with our mother. She didn't like the clothes that were sent. Why were church clothes sent for a weekend of play? Why couldn't we stay in our bedrooms until they got up...etc... My mother didn't make it any easier on her.

My father lived in the house where I and my brother were born, but it was no longer our home. New rules in a familiar environment.

In all, I have had 2 step-fathers and 3 step-mothers. The most difficult relationship was with the step-mother who was 12 years older than I was and was ticked, because I emptied her dishwasher and put her dishes away without permission.

My current step-father is as close to a parent as I could wish at 41. He walked me down the aisle, but he doesn't see his own children, at my mother's wishes. She thinks they are all there to use them. Yes, these are 60 and 70 year olds...being childish.

My biological father has the sweetest wife. I don't know how he came by her, but I think she is probably the best fit he has ever had. Neither she or he knows how to spell my oldest daughter's name. They live down the road from us, about six minutes. It's been four years since he saw my girls. I wish them the best. She is my father's wife, not really my step-mom.

Upswing...all this history makes me work even harder on not having another divorce in the family. It also leaves me with little idea sometimes as to how to achieve that goal. My husband is an only child from a set of parents that have been married 55 years.