Growthtrac Community

[sisi]

Hi,
I just wanted to know what you think about this situation...I have a 2 year old son from a previous relationship (before I got saved) and am now married.
We had twin daughters in July and he loves them so much!
But what Im starting to notice is that my husband is kind of rough with my son, and says that he needs to be because I spoil him.
For example, my son sometimes gets up in the middle of the night and wants to sleep in our room, by my huisband gets really upset about this. Also, my son is really active and likes to run around alot and play, but my husband always tells him to 'sit down and behave himself.' -and I'm thinking 'arent children supposed to play? Theyre not going to sit all the time.'
This sometimes causes some conflict between us.
I'm just afraid that there will be some favoritism when it comes to the kids-and I really dont want there to be because it would hurt me so much if my son were left out.
What should I do?

[rdsmith3]

Hi and welcome. I am fairly new here myself.

I understand your concerns, because we have a blended family, and there is always the risk of favortism in that situation. Parents should strive to treat all kids fairly and consistently.

Now to be honest with you, I also do not like children sleeping in our bedroom, and that was an issue my wife and I had when we first got married. We talked to a counsellor about it, and also have read some books, and the consensus seems to be that a bedroom should be the parents' refuge. Your marriage has to be the foundation of your family, and it has to be a priority.

Regarding your husband being rough, that is certainly a concern if you mean physically or verbally rough. I would be even more concerned if there is any history of abuse in your husband's past. I suggest that you try having some good discussions about these issues, and also getting counselling.

[sisi]

Thank you so much for your response. No, I wouldnt say hes physically/verbally abusive towards him...hes just not very playful with him. I would say his behavior is somewhat immature because he gets mad at him and wants to put him in timeout for any little thing that he does. I guess I would say that hes not very 'fatherlike' toward my son-the way he is towards our daughters.
I can see the difference and it makes me really sad.

[rdsmith3]

How long have you been married? It can take some time for a bond to develop. I have found that I have made a lot of progress with my step son, but I am sort of stalled with my step daughter. I think that part of that is me, and part of it is her.

[sisi]

Thank you for your response.
We've been married for 6 months, but we were dating before that for a year and a half and he was always around my son.
Yes, maybe it will take more time. And I recently started telling my son to call him 'dad' because I want that bond between them to be there.