Growthtrac Community

[sam44]

My wife says she needs space and that I take affection that she is not willing to give. What does this mean? She grew up in a household with a very controlling father and a mother with double standards. Is she not wanting attention from only me or is this maybe not wanting attention from anyone? She has filed divorce papers but insist that this is the only way we can possibly make the marriage work. There is alot more but I donot want to get that detailed now. Our two daughters are 9 & 11. What can I possibly do to make our family whole?

[SAM]

Have you and your wife spent any time in counseling together?
If not, it is needed.

Where does Christ enter the picture in your relationship together
and as individuals?

You mention that she's filed for divorce, I guess that would be giving her the space she wants. My guess would be - she wants to do her own thing without questions or accountability from a husband.

[sam44]

We have spent time in counseling. It was not beneficial in my mind because we never got enough talked about in the time. She told me that she wanted to go to counseling & I told her to start the process. This is where I dropped the ball. I should have taken the opportunity to get help.
Months passed. All this time I thought that things were o.k. then we had an arguement about attending an event at my work. It was this straw that broke the camel 's back. I have grown a great deal since this happened. I had my head in the sand. Then when we did go to counseling after it was done for the session I wanted to discuss what we need to do next & the only answer that I got was "I can't talk about that right now" I know that some of the original issues are gone but it seems that no matter what I say or do it is wrong. I am an optimist and only hope that with prayer and honesty (mostly to myself) I can have a positive relationship with her and our children. Do things like this have a chance? She has a counselor that she sees & I have a counselor that I see .

[SAM]

What can you do to be the best husband and father you can be?
How can you work on your relationship with Christ to make it the best it can be?

Honestly, if there has been little to no growth in your spiritual intimacy as a couple, all the other junk surrounding your marriage is likely to stay stuck. Only with Christ, his strength, his love, his guidance and his patience will you pull yourself out of this mess.

You can do nothing to change her or her attitude. You can do everything within yourself to change and grow into a husband and father who makes Christ his first priority and his wife his second, his kids third, job somewhere down the line. When you get this order out of whack, everything else will never fall into place in having the marriage and family you desire.

Please consider picking the following books - they are some of my favorites and my husband's favorites.

The Power of a Praying Husband by Stormie O'Martian. If you have this one and have read it, read it again at least twice.
Every Man's Marriage by Stephen Arterburn
Our Secret Paradise by Jimmy Evans
The 10 Commandments of Marriage by Ed Young and Beth Moore

Continued counseling is going to be necessary. If counseling isn't working, take a serious look at whether or not you're really invested in working on you or wanting to "fix" your wife. Secondly, sometimes it takes looking for another counselor to make better progress together.

Lastly, God has given you this wife as a gift. A gift to be cherished, a gift to be loved, a gift to be adored, a gift that is beautifully and uniquely wrapped, to be admired and spoken to with loving words. Do you want to change this gift so it is more appealing to you, or accept the gift as God created it?

[sam44]

Thank you.
It just so happens that I bought "The power of a Praying Husband " just a this afternoon. I know that there is hope.
Again thanks