Growthtrac Community

[MominTX]

I'm in a relationship very similiar to the others, but I have 3 children. The children is what is motivating me to leave. They are all under the age of 5. Now the abuse is not there all the time. The verbal abuse is there more often than physical. But it does have the cycles. I just need to have the courage to leave I guess. I can't leave during a fight because then he threatens to do much worse to me (put me in the hospital) and then after teh fight he becomes very nice and I think things will get better. We're at that stage right now. The last fightwe had was Valentine's day. He was very nice after that and then this week, he 's been controlling and telling me or reminding me of my dutiies, but we haven't had a fight. He will not go to counseling. I've asked him in the past and he refuses. He just says that if I work on doing the things he says then he'll help out more and won't be angry. In some ways I know I have problems, I don't tell him what I'm feeling until he brings up the problesms he has with me. I'm afraid to confront him about things because I'm afraid of the reaction

[wgodsusy]

Hi momintx,
Glad you found Growtrac, I welcome you!

Why can't you be open about your feelings?
How long has this been going around for?

Do you have a home church you attend, maybe you can talk to your pastor about a seperation.

[babycakes]

Welcome and I'm so glad you have come to GT.

I am so sorry for the pain that is occuring in your marriage.

What do you think you need to do to protect your children and stop the cycle of brokenness? When a relay race is run, there is a baton that is passed from runner to runner. There is a decision to be made - will a broken baton or a whole baton be passed on to these children?

I have lifted you up in prayer this afternoon for God to give you the strength to make the tough decisions you need to make.

Do you have friends or family members that can assist you and your children? If not, there are many local or county facilities available to protect you and your kids and help you get back on your feet and they provide counseling resources.

If you have a verbally or physically abusive spouse who is unwilling to get the help that is needed and blames you for everything, then it is time to leave this situation. Notice - I did not say divorce, I said leave and get the help you need through counseling for yourself - to become stronger in Christ and stronger for your kids. They need a mom who stands up for them and for herself and will no longer allow verbal or physical abuse to occur - even if it is only on an occasional basis. Be brave for these precious children God has entrusted into your care.

Once you have removed yourself from this abuse, it may help clear your head and it may bring your husband to his knees to look up and seek God and counsel for the help he needs with anger management. You are not to blame for this. You may have your issues, you may set off his anger button - but this still does not justify physcial, emotional or verbal abuse.

Here are some resources about abuse -

http://www.growthtrac.com/boards/the-wa ... t1060.html

http://www.growthtrac.com/boards/the-wa ... -t681.html


I will keep you in my prayers.

[wgodsusy]

I've lifted your situation in prayer and will keep doing so. We as christians should know by now the power of prayer and that's why I would highly recommend The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. She also wrote The Power of a Praying Husband. Try to stay consistant with the prayers that she teaches in the book. No doubt about the changes you may be able to witness once you stick with the prayers and seeking God's word will also guide to make the best decision for you and for your children. They're still very small so everything that they see around them you know they obsorb it like sponges. Be cautious about you safety and theirs. Keep in mind that the enemy's target is today's marriage so you're on the right path by seeking Growthtrac. Like I said before, try to get help there in your community with a shelter or maybe your pastor can help too.

I'll keep you in my prayers.
Be Safe & God Bless you.

[MominTX]

I want to thank you for your prayers. I have talked to my pastor, but I didn't let him know about the physical abuse. just that my husband has a bad temper and I basicaly have to do what he says so he won't "blow up" My pastor suggested counseling and also bible studies for married couples. My husband will not go to counseling. He said he'd divorce first before he'd go to counseling. He considered bible studies but he said he would choose the study and he wouldn't go to group studies. But I'll keep praying that God gives me direction. I feel strongly that I should leave because my stomach is in knots when I'm at home and my husband is there. I'm scared to do anything wrong.

[wgodsusy]

I know what its like to be walking on egg shells all the time. Because of the knots in my stomach our second child died at almost 5mths in my womb.

Please get some help, if he refuses to go to counseling then you should at least give it a shot on your own. Maybe find a confidant you can talk too if you money is an issue.

Don't forget to pick up The Power of a Praying Wife"by Stormie Omartian. Its a good resource!

Stay in the word and I encourage you to fast as much as possible for your marriage even without your husband's cooperation, God has a miraculous way of turning things and people around. Give this hurt to the Lord to heal. In human power your husband won't be able to heal the wounds for you only God can achieve that.

BE SAFE! I'LL BE PRAYING.

[webacus]

MominTX
Your pastor didn't give you the best advice--
I think because you weren't honest with him.

You need to disclose the physical abuse.

Keep this number handy:
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233)

[CZ]

I suggest you read "love must be tough" by James Dobson. It is one of the most well respected book on your situation as well as other related issues.

You may need to move out of your house and develop a plan to insure you and/or your children are not in danger. If it cannot become safe for all of you after implementing a plan and moving forward with it together with your husband over a period of time, you may need to consider divorce. This is a very, very serious matter which should be faced head on and with all due dilligence along with Godly, wise counsel (many people - not just 1).

I hope and pray for the best for you and your family.

[MominTX]

I have the Power of a Praying Wife" and another book for Women in Difficult Marriages. I completely respect James Dobson so I think I'll head to the bookstore this week and check that one out. I'm going to see a Christian counselor this week and I'll be completely honest about the physical and verbal abuse. I think it will be easier since this man doesn't know me or my husband. It was harder to talk to my pastor because he knows both of us. I'm also going to see an attorney on Wednesday and I'll find out the proper way to leave with the children.

[wgodsusy]

Glad to hear you're empowering yourself, with God's strength & help you'll see you'll be able to smile again.


Remeber that we're not given more than what the Lord knows we can handle. He promises to never leave you and never forsake you.

"I can do all things through Christ which stengthens me"(Philippians 4:13).

Stay Strong!

[webacus]

MominTX
Good decisions.

[DeerSeason]

MominTX
Your pastor didn't give you the best advice--
I think because you weren't honest with him.

You need to disclose the physical abuse.

Keep this number handy:
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233)

Be real cautious of Domestic Violence Hotline[s]- many are manned (no pun) by feminist ideologues who will encourage woman to believe she is a victim of 'domestic violence' whether she is or not, and... who will stoke feelings of anger and victimhood, and encourage abandoning of the marriage.

Not always, but sometimes. Maybe often. That is the truth.