Growthtrac Community

[j3anjean]

I'm new to this posting thing - so please excuse any oversights or errors.

My life has been SO blessed. Just over 2 years ago I became a Christian. Prior to that, I cannot begin to express what an absolute nightmare my life was due my sinful choices and stubborness. Since I have been saved, it hasn't always been a cakewalk, but with God by my side, I have managed to see each day as a blessing and opportunity for growth. I attended a wonderful, growing church and had many wonderful Christian friends.

About a year ago my husband accepted a "dream" job opportunity in a very small town in Southwest Michigan. Originally we are from Florida. This job has opened so many new doors in our life and almost all of them good.

My dilemma? CHURCH! My husband's aunt is the minister at a local church. She and her husband were helpful in my husband acquiring this job. I love my my husband's aunt but I don't agree with this church's beliefs. I am so uncomfortable and unhappy there. I used to rejoice every Sunday. A day in fellowship with like-minded Christians kickstarted my week.

My husband supports me finding a new church if I can "work it in" with attending his aunt's church. For example attend one congregation at 9am and attend her church at 11am. This has caused so much stress. This town is so small and sometimes seeking other churches includes a 30 minute drive to beat the clock. I try to juggle exploring churches that meet the needs of our family, while hustling back to the aunt's church. I have been late frequently to her service and then that causes problems.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel - His aunt is retiring in JULY. I'm holding out but I worry about the damage. I find myself slipping so much. My scripture reading and prayer slide by the wayside. I dread Sunday morning. I assist with the youth group, but don't encourage my children to attend. I feel SO torn. Any advice or encouragement to keep me going.

[babycakes]

My heart goes out to you and I experienced this struggle with my husband. I wanted to stay where we were at and he wanted to attend elsewhere. I had to follow his desires and it made all the difference in the world for him in giving his life to Christ.

Make some time to go out with your husband - no kids, and get a babysitter. Then it's time to fully express your dilemma within your spirit. Let him know how much you need to stay on track and that you need his help. Let him know you're not trying to create division between you and him and your family. You both need to be searching for a new church home together, not just one of you. It needs to be a joint decision.

You mention "not agreeing with the church's beliefs". As a new Christian, I do believe the Holy Spirit does speak to you and taps you on the shoulder. But, it's also important to realize you may not have a strong grasp of scripture yet and various belief systems within churches. It's important to take what is in the elder's statement, look it up in scripture, then discuss this with your husband. Does it create an argument when you bring this up? Is there a reason he feels your family needs to stay at the church other than the issue of family and loyalty? It is good that he's said it's OK for you to find something else. I think that's a huge positive.

I try to juggle exploring churches that meet the needs of our family,

It's really important that your husband also engage in this. The needs of your family and yourself and your marriage should be considered in finding a new church home. I think the reason you may be stresssing is, this needs to rest on his shoulders too - not just yours.

[j3anjean]

I will definitly try to talk more to my husband about this and to try to enlist his help. Sadly, he says he doesn't care where we go to church or sometimes if we even go at all.
I know that I am new to this and I know that I have no right to be judgemental but I truly see strong discrepancies between the Word of God and the teachings or should I say actions of this church. (for example, alcohol - the adult group went to a wine tasting, or the sanctity of marriage - this church had a gay and lesbian sunday to welcome diversity into the church) Maybe I'm too narrow minded, but my heart tells me that this influence is not what I want for myself or my family. I am hoping that after a good talk with my husband, he will help me in finding a congregation that is right for us.

[babycakes]

for example, alcohol - the adult group went to a wine tasting, or the sanctity of marriage - this church had a gay and lesbian sunday to welcome diversity into the church

SAM was right that the Holy Spirit can touch a new believer and I believe your discernment is right on target here. I understand why your spirit is so troubled. You are not being narrow-minded.

Does your husband see this teaching as OK?

[j3anjean]

He doesn't see it as ok - He just says that we are smart enough to know that isn't ok and not to make an issue of it. Then in the car, after church, he treats it as a joke. Church used to lift me up, now it brings me down. He says that I am looking for reasons to feel uncomfortable. I try to help with the youth group- participate with the church socials - but secretely I wonder if he is right. Am I trying to make this adjustment fail?

My spirit feels weaker and weaker as time goes by. Initially, I was so gung ho about finding a new church home. It's been several months and I find myself giving up. I feel bitter and tired.

[SAM]

god's people are fallen. They don't always get it right in line with what scripture has to say - unfortunately. But, because people disappoint us, it doesn't mean God does. He is good and he is faithful and he wants you to be in a place that fills up your heart for Him. So, keep looking for that church home. You will know when you find it. Find time for yourself each day - lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes. Talk to God throughout your day - thanking him for the sunrise, for your family, asking him to guide you, to watch over whatever is taking place. The more you talk to him, the more you feel his presence.

Are there some things within your marriage that are disappointing you, rather than the issue of church alone? I'm asking because I get the sense you may also be upset with your husband.

[j3anjean]

It's true. The distance I feel from God falls on my head. I don't talk to Him like I used to. I am SO grateful for all of my blessings. They are too numerous to count and I try to see everyday as a new gift. I do tell God I am grateful but I don't ask for what I need. Asking feels "selfish" at this point in my life. I feel guilty asking for His help in finding a new church. Hasn't He done too much for me already? Shouldn't this little speedbump be my responsibilty? And I dread asking for what I desperately want. . . . for my husband to be the spiritual leader in our family - for the weight to not sit solely on my shoulders.

I'm not angry with my husband - never angry. He is so good to me and very supporting. I hate to ask any more from him either. His job is so demanding (he is the fire chief). He is a remarkable leader and I know (and have always known) that he does not want to be the spiritual leader in our home. I guess that expecting him to change, to take on more - feels like complaining or being ungrateful for all that he already does.