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[Jim]

A blended family is a family that through a remarriage, combines children from separate families, in to one new family.This dynamic presents many challenges and problems in a new marriage. Check these areas in GrowthTrac for blended family resources:
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Also, use the Search feature, available on every page, to locate blended-related topics. Looking for something, but can’t find it here? Contact Us, we’ll try to help.



Edited By Jim on Mar. 21 2002 at 06:21

[fisherman]

I had an interesting experience today. A worker at my home was complaining about his step kids and how he left his house (and family) for a couple days because he couldn’t take it anymore. His main “issue” was how his wife spoiled these kids, and with his money.

I have a step daughter. She drives me no crazier than my other kids and for the most part, things are going real well. In our brief conversation, I saw some real differences between the approach taken in that worker’s house and in ours. I was reminded again of what we’re doing right and was filled with thankfulness that God has (eventually) given wisdom when it was asked for.

Here’s what’s worked for us. For one, instead of “his” money, it’s our money. Instead of step kids, we just have our kids. We (the parents) are also of one mind when it comes to issues like kids’ spending habits etc. This doesn’t come automatically, but we work until we find the “one mind” we can both live with and we stick with it. I’ve heard this called a “unified front.”

Most of all though, what has served me the best is the deep rooted belief that what God says about children (even step children) is true: that they are a gift from God.

I remember a Thanksgiving Day eve when my then girlfriend and future wife was visiting me with her daughter. This beautiful little girl, dressed so nicely (maybe to impress me and help win me over!), was sitting at a table quietly coloring and my heart just melted because I saw her through God’s eyes, so precious and wonderful. (Kind of like her mom needless to say!) I couldn’t believe I could be entrusted to someday help guide her, take care of her, love her and all the things I now try to keep doing.

We should see all the children in our lives through God’s eyes, and have sense of how awesome the responsibility and the honor that is given us, when God entrusts them to us.

They are much bigger in God’s eyes than the little things that seem to drive us crazy sometimes.

[webacus]

Fisherman

Well said!

I personally know several couples who are struggling with the "blended" factor -- disagreement with a spouse's parenting and discipline style, financial issues, etc. It's very painful.

Seems to boil down to established patterns in a family's lives [parents and children]... And a new spouse's frustration with those patterns.

My family isn't blended, so forgive me if I oversimplify... But some of these families seem to have their priorities misaligned. The spouses are putting THEIR children first, then the marriage, then God.

GOD needs to be FIRST.

Halfway in to my marriage I realized my priorities weren't right. God is now number one. It makes a huge difference.

Why does that matter? What I've seen in some blended families is inflexibility, anger, jealousy... People need to change. A change needs to occur from the inside. God can do that.

How do you get God involved?

Prayer. Try praying together as a couple.
Get in to a small group.
Attend church regularly.
Develop close relationships in the church.

Commit together to put God FIRST, the marriage SECOND and the children THIRD. Be intentional.

And... to make this “God First” concept work, you need to have a relationship with God. Are you really a Christian? I thought I was for thirty years! This is key. There are many resources here on GrowthTrac on that topic [Christianity].

[fisherman]

Dear Webacus,

Great advice! As scripture promises "seek first the kindom of God..." and the rest will line up. Putting God first, puts your marriage as a priority and putting the marriage as a priority automatically puts the kids as a priority. When things start lining up right in your heart,(which is a work only God can do), things get a lot more orderly in your life.

If only I'd learned earlier that God's advice is always the easiest way in the long run. It doesn't always look like it but looking back, it's the easiest path because you're walking with Him.

Thanks for the reply.

[JoBets]

I had an interesting experience today. A worker at my home was complaining about his step kids and how he left his house (and family) for a couple days because he couldn’t take it anymore. His main “issue” was how his wife spoiled these kids, and with his money.

Here’s what’s worked for us. For one, instead of “his” money, it’s our money. Instead of step kids, we just have our kids. We (the parents) are also of one mind when it comes to issues like kids’ spending habits etc. This doesn’t come automatically, but we work until we find the “one mind” we can both live with and we stick with it. I’ve heard this called a “unified front.”

Most of all though, what has served me the best is the deep rooted belief that what God says about children (even step children) is true: that they are a gift from God.


We should see all the children in our lives through God’s eyes, and have sense of how awesome the responsibility and the honor that is given us, when God entrusts them to us.

They are much bigger in God’s eyes than the little things that seem to drive us crazy sometimes.

You must be a very special man. Your family is very blessed to have you.

Thank you for a great story