by j3anjean » Fri Apr 10, 2009 8:17 pm Because there will always be challenges. When we fall we have to get back up we can't expect never to fall again. The same way that when you hesitate to forgive you have to keep trying. You don't just give up. Once you do, well, it is over.I'm just trying to understand "why now"? Why not when d- day occurred, that would have made more sense.
You are right. YOu need to communicate this over and over. I think that from what you have told me you hold things in. You keep his secrets. You hold in your anger and let time pass. You put on a happy face and take care of the kids, the friends, everyone. You never let it show. You need to communicate that you are not invincible. You need to communicate that he needs to be strong. If you have told him, tell him again. Your actions are different than your feelings and your feelings don't match up to your words. You act distant but strong and fine. You feel crushed and broken and hurt. You say little. He may be confused as to what to do now. The most important thing I ever learned about my husband and the thing that helps us immensly is that no matter how long he has known me. No matter what he should know, he cannor read my mind. Never has, never will.I guess I feel that he needs to undersand that I cannot make this marriage work by myself. He has to do his part, work as hard as he is asking me to.
Every show I see about husbands and wives tells the husband to take some of the household burdens off of the wife to lighten her load and soften her heart. It sounds like he is trying. Maybe not the way you wanted but still trying. If I wanted a dress for my birthday and my husband instead gave me flowers I have the option of receiving his love and gift as it was offered or reminding him that he should have just listened to what I wanted and hurting his feelings. Then we both lose. You may need to ask yourself why his efforts doesn't count for much. Especially when you are saying that all of your trying and effort has gone unrewarded and been thrown away. Aren't you doing that to his efforts now? YOu may have to ask yourself how you would feel if your efforts were put aside as not good enough. If romance is what you want then that is what you should be asking for.He still does the dishes, clothes and such but not sitting me down and looking me in the eyes and offering any reassurances of any kind.
Sam, men are detail oriented and business minded. That sort of letter sounds ideal. It is giving him steps to make things right and I am sure that he would not only appreciate that but respond quickly. It seems he is trying to find the door into your heart.
Sounds like your clear instructions led him to respond as you said you wanted. If you have changed your mind you need to let him know. Otherwise it is sort of childish.In all honesty, I did tell him that I never wanted to celebrate that date ever again for fear that he would do the same again.
-RJ-
Went against the grain on this) He jumped on it. Wanted to instantly plan where and when. I asked him why he didn't make a move during this whole time. He told me that he thought that I was done with him. He didn't know how or what to do to make it right. I told him that he had to change his ways with not attempting to ease the pain that he causes. He recognizes his shortcomings on this. I'm through waiting on him to do what I need him to do. I've always felt that if I meant anything to him that he would come through on knowing what I needed. Now I know that I need to express my needs and get over my foolish pride. I experienced what "dying to self" really meant. After he had talked to me this morning and said alot of what I needed to hear, I hugged him. He was so shocked and grabbed me up so tight. He just kept praising God. Me, too. 
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