Growthtrac Community

[Donut20]

Please pray for healing and strength for my husband and discernment of God's will for my future and our marriage. My H is bipolar with schizophrenic traits and self medicates his mood swings with prescription pain killers or crack cocaine. He's been running from an active arrest warrant for several months and 4 times now, I've received his desperate "I'm gonna die out here" 3am phone calls begging to let him come spend one night with me so he can turn himself in to the mental health unit at the jail with knowing I forgive him and won't abandon him. 4 times, I've picked him up the streets, reassured him of my love by letting him stay overnight and the next day (or while I'm sleeping) he bolts out the door back to the streets. When it happened again this morning, after I reiterated the consequences of another failure to keep his promise, I changed my numbers and locked the door. He had taken off while I was in the bathroom and called back to leave a message that he's just out getting some money from a friend to get his ring out of pawn, but I felt I had to show him even if his intentions were good, that deceptive behavior would not be tolerated at all. So now, of course I'm stuck in the "What if's..." of my decision to cut off his means of contacting me to protect my sanity and enforce consequences for his deceptive actions. I'm heartbroken after years of showing him total forgiveness each time he sobered up and restarted his bipolar meds. Worse than heartbroken I'm scared that I may never see him again and in Florida a wife cannot transact any credit or real estate transactions without signature from the husband even when he's never worked and mentally unstable. I lost my job last month due to extended sick leave as I acquired fibromyalgia and am unable to work any longer. As the sole bread winner, that means there is no income now and I just received a notice that I cannot withdraw from my 401K to get money to live on while I await disability insurance appeal of 6-9 months as any withdrawal from an employer sponsored 401K here requires husband's consent. Same with selling my home, purchased before the marriage and paid for by me, as husband's signature required. I feel like the laws here in Florida are forcing me to divorce him, but I love him unconditionally, just cannot live with the lies, theft and drug abuse. Thank you for your prayers

[SAM]

Welcome - we're glad to have you here at GT community.

My prayers are with you - you definitely have a lot on your plate and a lot to consider.

What do you feel is the best thing to do to take care of yourself financially, emotionally and physically? There is a great book by Dr. James Dobson called Love Must Be Tough that would be of great help to process the answer to this question.

Your husband's choices are detrimental to him and to you. His use of drugs could bring law enforcement into your home and you could lose everything because of it. It is painful to watch someone you love make these choices. But, to drop the cycle of dependency and wrongful choices, you may need to stop all contact for a period of time so he no longer has a place to run to.

I also have fibromyalgia. It's trigger can be extreme stress. I became a vegetarian 9 years ago and learned to cleanse my system. It worked and has kept me off medications and functional.

I will be happy to continue to lift you up daily in prayer.

Lord, there is nothing you cannot handle. You know the pain, worries and heartache of this woman. I ask that you lift her up into your arms to care for her, hug her and love her, when her earthly husband doesn't know how. I ask you to clear her heart and her mind to hear you whispers so that she has peace about the difficult decisions she needs to make.

[rdsmith3]

I changed my numbers and locked the door. ...
but I felt I had to show him even if his intentions were good, that deceptive behavior would not be tolerated at all.

I think your actions were appropriate. You can love someone, and forgive them, but not trust them.

My first wife was very similar to your husband. In my case, and I am not at all saying what you should do, I believed that divorce was necessary to protect my children. Eventually the courts believed me that she is a threat to them, because she is legally prohibited from any contact with the children (and that order was from a sympathetic liberal judge).

However, in looking back I regret that I did not consider what God's will was in my marriage. So I encourage you to pray for strength and direction in this mess.

I will also pray for you.

[ILuvJesus973]

that is a lot to deal with... I can empathize. I believe my husband suffers from mental issues too as well as physical and it's a drain...
I try to be patient but when he is so easily angered it is hard to deal with.
Praying for you...

[ILuvJesus973]

that is a lot to deal with... I can empathize. I believe my husband suffers from mental issues too as well as physical and it's a drain...
I try to be patient but when he is so easily angered it is hard to deal with.
Praying for you...

[Donut20]

Thank you. Your prayers strengthen me.

[rdsmith3]

I am praying for you again. Is there an update you can share with us?

[Elligirl]

My heart goes out to you.

Father God I pray and thank you this morning that you are our Father. Thank you for always being there for us to turn to. Thank you for Your love for us. Father we pray that you would be with this husband today Father, that you will heal and protect not only him but his praying wife. Father God take care of this family as You work to restore. Amen, Amen, Amen

[charity1]

Donut20,
My heart goes out to you as well. As hard as it is, I really believe you are doing the right thing. As long as you make your husband's life easy, there is not reason for him to ever change. We can literally love someone to death. You aren't doing him any favors by rewarding his behavior. The "what if's" can drive you crazy, but just understand that you can't control his actions no matter how much you want to. Once he realizes you are serious, maybe he will choose to get the help he so desperately needs. I couldn't help but think that if he was finally picked up on his arrest warrant at least he would have to be clean for a while and that would give him some time to think. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for a person to realize they even have a problem. It is so sad. I have not had to deal with addiction in my spouse, but I have with other family members. It is very, very hard. Try to find an Al-Anon group in your area. The support of people going through what you are going through helps a lot. I attended these meetings, and it was an addict herself that convinced me that only tough love works in cases like yours. She said if her family hadn't finally quit "helping" her, she would be dead today. They finally just stopped taking her in, and she had to straighten up or die. Even if she had died, it wouldn't have been her family's fault, it would have been from her choices. Just pray that God will protect your husband until he can see the need to get help. Hang in there. You are doing all that you can do. I am praying for you.