Growthtrac Community

[babycakes]

Hi there - I was reading through your previous posts and thought I would jump in.

I would call her counselor for guidance on this before you make a decision together. I think you mentioned she is seeing one. What will the next week accomplish for you or for her?

She needs to stay with you and your wife because your step-daughter is not her parent and may have a very different set of rules/consequences.

It almost seems like she gets to be rewarded for something she never should have done in the first place.

[rdsmith3]

They both put me in the middle of things that there is no way that I can win.

This is probably where your wife gets the angriest with you. There is no middle ground. It's agreeing with your wife's decisions in front of the kids, even if you feel she is dead wrong. And, if you make a decision, your wife has to back you up in front of the kids. Your kids cannot see or be witness to your disagreements with your wife. That is to be discussed with your wife behind closed doors.

There is a power struggle in your home - and your kids knows it. You and your wife have to drape your backs in the humility and grace of Christ.

Galatians 5:22-26

22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

SAM is really on the money here. In our step-family situation, the biggest mistake I made was to be a fence-sitter. I wanted to be a "peace keeper" rather than a "peace maker". I wanted to smooth things over with my wife, and also with my oldest son (her step son) who was causing some serious issues in our family. I finally got some good counseling, and my eyes were opened to my sin.

The correct Biblical hierarchy is that the husband and wife must be aligned and united. The marital relationship is a priority over the parent child relationship, and I was not always getting this right.

If you have disagreements, do not discuss them in front of the kids.

[heelsfan]

It's been a few days since I've been here. A lot has been going on. I know that Satan is trying his best to tear me down. I need all the prayer I can get.
Things with my daughter seem to be going better. My wife has decided that she is going to take that job transfer in another city and is moving out this Sunday. I'm so torn up right now I don't know what to do. There is nothing I can do but pray and put it in God's hands. I am a so confused. She has said that she hopes we can get things back with her gone. I told her I didn't know if I could do that. I can't sit around here and hope everyday that she will want to come back. I would only be prolonging the pain. I hope that would be the case more than anything but I just can do it. The confusing thing is, I feel like I'm giving up on faith. I know in my heart that God can do anything. I pray that his will be done. I don't know what is the right thing to do in this situation. When she walks out the door Sunday, do I give up on her as my wife. Her moving to another city and giving up her job is huge. If she truly hoped that we could get things back, would she have chosen to go to another city? She wanted to know if she could still call and text me. How do I handle that? I'm doing real good with it at the moment. I know it Satan trying to jump in here because the anger is trying so hard to come out. I've done really well keeping it in check. I've been praying like you wouldn't believe and it's not a prayer of please make or stay or anything like that. It really is that God's will be done and He be with us all. Please, any advice or comment would be appreciated.

[rdsmith3]

It's been a few days since I've been here. A lot has been going on. I know that Satan is trying his best to tear me down. I need all the prayer I can get.
Things with my daughter seem to be going better. My wife has decided that she is going to take that job transfer in another city and is moving out this Sunday.

I am really sorry to hear that.

I'm so torn up right now I don't know what to do.

Do you have any male friends or a pastor with whom you can talk to help you through this difficult period?

There is nothing I can do but pray and put it in God's hands.

Yes, and I pray for you also.

I can't sit around here and hope everyday that she will want to come back. I would only be prolonging the pain. I hope that would be the case more than anything but I just can do it. The confusing thing is, I feel like I'm giving up on faith. I know in my heart that God can do anything. I pray that his will be done.

You can do this, with God's help. If you read the Bible, you know that His will is for a married couple to stay together. As much as it depends on you, and with God's grace, you should strive to do this.

I don't know what is the right thing to do in this situation. When she walks out the door Sunday, do I give up on her as my wife.

I think you do know the right thing to do, and that you should not give up on her as your wife.

Her moving to another city and giving up her job is huge. If she truly hoped that we could get things back, would she have chosen to go to another city?

She is confused, also, and perhaps believing satan's lies. Pray that her eyes are opened to God's will for her life and your marriage.

She wanted to know if she could still call and text me. How do I handle that?

You should be open to all communication, because keeping open the lines of communication means there is still a chance for the marriage.

I'm doing real good with it at the moment. I know it Satan trying to jump in here because the anger is trying so hard to come out. I've done really well keeping it in check. I've been praying like you wouldn't believe and it's not a prayer of please make or stay or anything like that. It really is that God's will be done and He be with us all. Please, any advice or comment would be appreciated.

It sounds like you are approaching this the right way. Don't give up. Don't stop praying.

[heelsfan]

Thank you for your words of encouragement and prayer. Please keep us in your prayers. This is a very difficult time. We all need to keep God central in our lives. I am learning that more and more every single day. I have always known it but seem to always have had God on the back burner until something went wrong. I always knew he was there but never recognized Him like I should have. I have always tried to emphasize the important of God in my families life but I guess with my own actions, I failed. I firmly believe that God does work in ways way beyond our comprehension. I believe that time is running very short for all of us and He is going to do what he can to draw all of us to Him no matter what it takes to open our eyes to Him. He has tapped me on the shoulder many times I guess and I never really took notice. It kills me to hear people (some close to me) say that God has done nothing for them. He hasn't been there or answered their prays. I try to point out that all though they may feel He wasn't there, HE MOST CERTAINLY WAS THERE. He will be there in spite of ourselves. God has gotten my attention. I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to have a lot of question and not understand a lot. I pray everyday that when I open the bible to read it, that it will make sense. Sometimes it does, most of the time it is really hard to understand. I'm going to mess up a lot but pray that God will help me not do it in a way that will be detrimental to others. I truly feel that I am closer to God than I have been in a long time, if not ever. I know He has a plan and all I can do is wait for it. I pray and ask for others to pray for me, that I will have the strength and patience to let Him do his will. Those are two of my biggest shortcomings. Strength and patience. I'm stronger in a lot of ways than I used to be, but very low on patience. I know that the harder I try, the harder Satan is too. He always has. Some people that know me probably wouldn't believe that some of this stuff is coming from me. I have been forced to do a lot of thinking and soul searching over the last few months or so. Too much I don't like about what I realized but I like where I'm going if I only keep it going. That's where I pray for all the prayer I can get. For me and my family.
My wife left this morning. We had a chance to talk before she left. She is a very confused woman. Please pray for her. She said before she left that she wishes she hadn't taken the job transfer that she took. She said she does love me more than I know. She said she hopes that we can work through everything and be back together again soon. She called me crying after she left and said she loved me again and asked me to please pray for her. I told her I am already doing that daily. I can honestly say that I have prayed that God will see fit to let this marriage survive but if he doesn't, I am pray for her. I hope she will let God into her life and let Him guide and direct her. She believes in God but I'm not certain to what extent. I feel that she feels she isn't worthy. I have seen her pray to God several times but she really struggles with things as we all do. With her bi-polar and medication it is so magnified. I also realized that I cannot judge. One look at myself tells me that. I told her that as long as she wanted and as long as she allowed me to, I would be there for her.
My mind is kind of racing at the moment and can't keep my thoughts straight. If anyone has any advice or opinion, it would be greatly appreciated. Please keep my children (blood & step), my wife and myself in your prayers. I know God is going to take care of things and can handle anything. There is nothing that is too big for Him.
Thank you for listening to me ramble. I don't really have anyone else that I can talk to.

[heelsfan]

Oh boy. Can things get any more stressful? I am trying so hard to keep the faith. My wife left Sunday. She has either called or text me everyday since. She says that she loves me and misses me. She said part of her wants to come home but part of her feels that we need this time apart. I reassure daily that I love her too. Very much. I pray about it daily and ask that God's will be done. I pray for her. That God will show her the way. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel bad when I have doubts because I think that means I don't have enough faith. I truly do believe that all things are possible through God. I guess I just wonder if He will see fit to let this work out or if this is it? Please, can someone offer me any advise. To make things worse, my ex-wife called my cell phone today and said that she heard I was single again. Asked if I wanted to fool around. Said I was still a hottie even after all these years. She knows, or should know there is NO chance that anything would ever develop between the 2 of us. We have had a very very unhealthy relationship for many years and she has done nothing but cause problems for me and my family. Please pray for my family and I.

[SAM]

I guess I just wonder if He will see fit to let this work out or if this is it?

Praying for you - continually.

Something to consider...

Malachi 2:16
"I hate divorce," says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, "I hate the violent dismembering of the 'one flesh' of marriage." So watch yourselves.

God wants this to work out for you. He would never destroy something he loves so much - a marriage. To say He would "allow" this to happen goes completely against what scripture tells us.

He gave us the ability to make choices instead of being mechanical obedient robots. Unfortunately, your wife has made a choice that goes completely against God's desire for your marriage. While extremely sad and painful, this is never what God intended to happen. I'm sure he is weeping right beside you over the choice she made.

[heelsfan]

So do you feel I should give up at this point? I don't know what to do any more. I keep praying about it. I feel like hanging onto the hope that we can work through this and at times I feel like I should just tell her I love her and sorry that wasn't enough. To have a happy life and I hope she lets God into it. Like I said before though, I feel like I'm not holding onto faith by doing that. Please help me. Our anniversary is this Sunday. Going to be a hard day.

[mhaprov]

heelsfan,

If you would like to PM me sometime, I would really appreciate it. Our pain seems, from your writing, to be incredibly similar. I'm not trying to be pushy or to say "poor me", so please don't take this that way, but I want to tell you I pray everyday that my wife would tell me, without being prompted, that she loves me and misses me and hopes that we can work this out.

I want to tell you something I've told my wife over the last couple of days several times. As recent as yesterday, she said, albeit in a text message, she was so worried she was "breaking my heart" because hers was so broken and she didn't know how or if she even wanted to care for mine. I told her I'm still standing. I told her, "hit me with your best shot." I know God is on OUR side. Not MY side. Not HER side. OUR side. Our wedding made us ONE. I believe, with Him on OUR side, this WILL NOT break me. It may feel like it's coming close, but it will not break me. Satan is giving us -- me, my wife, you, your wife -- everything he can, and yet, I'm still standing.

My prayers are with you. I know what you're going through. I'm going through it also. I pray whole-heartedly, with love, that the Lord would continue to work with you and your wife and your family and the people around you to see this all the way back to a prosperous unity. I pray the same thing for myself and my marriage every day. In my faithful belief, I say that it is NOT over until the day the Lord takes one or both of us from this earth. I have no reason to not believe that.

I'm here for you, friend.