Growthtrac Community

by **ladyt** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:19 am

Well as you all know, I have been in a conflict with my H for a few months. My daughter left home and returned 4 days later unharmed. My H likes to play mind games with me.
1. He doesn't talk to me but get s on the phone and laughs and talks with others.
2. He keeps $1500 - $1700 of his pay to himself and says it’s none of my business what he does with it.
3. He removed photos of us from his wallet earlier this year and replaced with his own
4. He communicates with his female co-worker by phone and text all day and some late nights
5. He told me he is not willing to give up her friendship for the sake of our marriage
6. He is getting bolder and much worse with his mind tactics.

I have endured this long only through the grace of God. I have been praying for God to restore my marriage and save my husband. Last night I prayed that he remove me or my husband from our home. It may seem like I'm not resting in the Lord, however, I know that I am seeking Him and sometimes God will allow a person to lose all that they have to bring them to a place of brokenness.

I tried talking about our daughter after he got off the phone and he told me the usual, "I don't want to talk about it." I said we need to discuss her. He told me to get out of his room and I stood there. He finally got tired of looking at me and tried to drag me out in a choke hold. I fell on the floor and he continued to drag, tearing my night shirt off of me. I got my balance got up and he pushed me against the wall and told me to get my Got D%** @** out of his room. Out daughter saw and heard the entire event.

Our daughter called the police as she had never heard her dad curse, neither have I. He stated "This is what makes people kill people." I'm glad my daughter called the police. They made him leave last night and stated he could return to talk this evening with my approval. Of course he said I would not get any money if he was not living in the house. It was such a relief last night when he was out of the house.

I prayed and went to bed and slept well! Praise the Lord!

by **rdsmith3** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:54 am

wow, I am really sorry to hear this, that you and your daughter had to go through this. I have had similar experiences in my past, and I know the pain of the situation, and the relief when the person is out of the house.

I can only offer a prayer at this point, that this situation will be resolved according to God's will, and that He will grant you peace.

I apologize for not remembering this if you have mentioned this before, but does your husband have any issues with drugs or alcohol, or does he have any mental health issues? I am not a mental health professional, but it sounds like he has some sort of personality disorder.

by **ladyt** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:10 am

I think he has childhood issues that are unresolved and he is very self-controlled and perfect in all that he does except for home and spiritual things. He does not drink or do drugs that I know of. We could not have champagne at our wedding. We had to have sprite per his request/demand.

I feel he has a mental problem of some sort but he refuses to go see anyone or talk to anyone. But I will not have him emotionally abusing me and our daughter any longer.

by **SAM** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 8:12 am

What he did last night was physical and emotional abuse and my guess would be that it will continue to escalate. I would not allow him back into the house - I would not feel safe. Or, it is time to consider that you and your daugher leave.

He stated "This is what makes people kill people."

Do not take his comment lightly and consult with an attorney regarding protection for you and your daughter as well as financial assistance. Many states will garnish his wages for child support and spousal support even during separation.

Do you know where your daughter was for 4 days and why she chose to leave and not let anyone know where she was going?

by **charity1** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:08 am

ladyt,
I agree with Sam, please don't take all of this lightly. You and your daughter need to get away from this man. He isn't thinking of either one of you, he is only concerned with himself. You couldn't legally get him out of the house before, but he has legally gotten himself out now, so take advantage of it. Continue to pray for him, but keep your distance. Don't let him hold financial support over your head. He will at least have to support your daughter whether he wants to or not.

by **ladyt** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:15 am

I do not feel safe that is why I am filing an injunction against him tomorrow. I picked up paperwork today but there was a 3 hr waiting just to speak to the interviewer! The line was long and full of women.

I took that comment serious "This is what make people kill people."

My daughter says she went because she feels she is never allowed to do anything or go places with friends, travel in their cars nor spend the night at any of her friends. She also feels pressured by choosing between me and her dad and she doesn't like the way things are. We both went to sleep last night with ease.

She has proven to us that she cannot be trusted. She has been leaving home and returning just before I get home, lies about any little thing and gets mad when she gets caught. Both her and her dad has anger issues, so why should I trust her? I cannot begin to say what the next phase is for gaining my trust back. She is very sexually driven and I’m not sure if that is b/c of the clergy molestation or something else. I know I have to get her back in counseling.

by **rdsmith3** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:37 am

When the police were there, did they ask you if you wanted a restraining order? If I recall correctly, in my state, the police can give you a temporary restraining order (they get a judge's signature) and then you have to go to court to get a permanent one.

I strongly agree that your daughter needs some intensive counseling. She is headed for trouble.

by **ladyt** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:42 am

No the police is the one who told me to go down today and get a temporary one and then at the hearing I will get a permanent one.

Yes, I'm trying to locate some intesnsive treatment. She's looking for love in all of the wrong places.

I have so much to do and it can be overwhelming at times.

But prasie God I can press through and get things done.

by **SAM** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:48 am

It's the age - fighting for her identity and independence. It's feeling she's an adult and can be trusted to make her own decisions. And, that rules should not apply to her.

The sexuality part could be from the molestation, but it can also be because of the turmoil at home and search for love. My parents divorced when I was 15 - I was looking for love in all the wrong places too.

There are a couple of great books that helped me with my two daughters at this age in combination with family and individual counseling. The time together was invaluable because it help me and my husband see into our daughter's thought processes and understand them better.

Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love by Scott P. Sells

Helping Your Struggling Teenager by Dr. Les Parrott

by **resecured** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:21 am

(((((ladyt)))))

Mercy, I so hate that you are going through this after being such a "stand for your marriage" woman. satan appears to have such a strong hold on him. I'm glad you are not taking his threats lightly. I also hate that your daughter has had to see her dad like that. Maybe though it's good that she saw him like that so she could filter through her thoughts about him. Has he tried to contact you in any way yet? Be careful of sugar coated conversations. God does not intend for anyone to have to endure that kind of treatment.

Praying for your safety and peace of mind. Isn't it interesting that you and your daughter both slept with ease when he was out of the house? Says alot, doesn't it? Don't be scared of his threats of withholding financial means. Since the police have been summoned it gives you a leg to stand on againist him. He will not be happy that he no longer has a foot hold on you. Take advantage of all help regarding protection from him. Me thinks that all has hit the fan. Take heed.

Know you are in our prayers,

-RJ-

by **ladyt** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:32 pm

Thanks so much for the support. I REALLY value all of your thoughts and recommendations and NEED all of your prayers.

SAM I will get these books as well as get her back into counseling.

Resecured & rd3smith & charity1 - THANK YOU!!!

by **ladyt** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:09 pm

He was able to return. I called the police and they said that he had the right to return. I would need to file for divorce or request restraining order.

by **resecured** » Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:46 pm

Since he has returned how has he been acting? Are you going to get the restraining order?

-RJ-

by **ladyt** » Tue Jun 24, 2008 4:02 am

He's not talking to me. He told police he just wants to stay in his room and me stay in mine and stay out of his.

The only thing he said is if I did not want him I should file for divorce. I dare he place it on me!

I'm so sore from the struggle. I am 50/50 on the iinjunction. I may just file. I have to pray about it.

by **SAM** » Tue Jun 24, 2008 6:58 am

I want you to remember the threat of his words, the anger and the
physical altercation. Do not waiver on this. For the sake of your daughter, do not waiver. Somone who is in their right mind does not say what he said.

The next time you may not be so lucky to come out of this without serious
injury. And, there will be a next time. You will not have anything on record to protect you with the police or in court.

It is time to remove yourself and your daughter from this situation, or for him to be required to leave by the police.

I am not advocating divorce. I am advocating protecting yourself and your daughter from future harm.

Growthtrac Community

Conflict got out of control

Conflict got out of control

Who is online