Growthtrac Community

[keanaegirl]

I struggled to determine where to place this post - and ultimately decided that what I was seeking more than anything is prayer - so here it is.

I am asking for prayer for my husband and our marriage. We are in the last week of a 30 day, no contact separation. We are supposed to meet with our counselor this week and discuss the next steps. Are we going to continue with counseling and work on restoring our marriage or are we going to separate legally? Yes - divorce...something that I do not want. I know that it is not pleasing to God, nor is it pleasing to me. Those are the choices facing us.

This has been difficult. Asking my H to leave was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I prayed about it, talked to my counselor about it, talked to my sponsor and accountability partners, and prayed some more. I had come to the point where I could no longer tolerate the emotional and verbal abuse towards me and our children. His anger was so tangible all of the time that I began to fear for our safety. My attitude towards my H was suffering because I was tolerating his behaviors in an effort to keep the peace - talk about codependency and enabling. And don't get me started on his self-absorbtion and victim playing. To give you an idea of how self-absorbed my H is, both of our Christian counselors recommended this separation.

Some background: I have been a Believer and Follower of Jesus for over 25 years. I have been working a Christian based recovery program for over 5 years. I started recovery because the counselor I was seeing at the time recommended it. I was struggling with my h's control issues, his sexual additction and his verbal and emotional abuse. During the last five years, I have come to realize that I have played a part in the struggles of our marriage. I have worked very hard to deal with my own issues of control, codependency and rage. I work my recovery, I see a Christian counselor at least twice a month and yet we still had issues in our relationship. My H attended recovery as well, as a condition of staying in the house after I found porn yet again. To say that his attendance at recovery and church services are sporadic is being generous. He has gone to counseling for the last year - in the beginning for his family of origin stuff...since Sept, we have been doing couples counseling and in January we added family counseling to our list of appts. Through all of this, my H still thinks all of "our issues are because the rest of you (kids and I) won't do what I (he) says".

The blessings in this separation - my home is a peaceful haven for my children and I and I have spent more time with God, in the Word, in prayer and meditation. The many drawbacks include not knowing what my H has been doing for the last month, and the financial strain this has placed on our family.

I am asking for prayer for the following: God's peace for my family, that my H be truly humble before God and take responsibility for his role in our marriage, that healing will take place in all of our hearts. I am also asking prayer for myself: that I be humble as well, that I remember why I married my H, that I remember to put God first and listen/obey when He speaks to me.

Thank you.

[babycakes]

So very sorry to hear about your circumstances.

Lord, I lift this family and marriage up to you. You know the hearts of these two people. You know where they are soft and where they are hardened. Lord, you know those deep dark hidden corners of our hearts that have become hard and crusted over - not wanting to allow your light into our darkness. Peel away those dark and crusty spaces so this couple can reconcile, healing can take place and a family can be resorted.

You are the healer of all healers - and Lord, this marriage and family need your healing power!

In Christ's name - Amen.

[keanaegirl]

Babycakes,

Thanks for the prayers.

Keanaegirl

[Elligirl]

Keanaegirl,

I am so sorry to hear of the problems you and your family are going through. It is good that your husband will go to a counselor with you.

Father God I thank You for this family. I thank You that You are in control. I thank You that even now You are working on the problems that this family is going through and that You will make that which was meant for evil into something good. I praise, honor and glorify You this morning Father. I thank You that You will take this marriage and rebuild it upon the Solid Rock the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen, Amen, Amen