Growthtrac Community

[confused77]

Spouse received ** of inheritence from family and bought property husband not on title because of past debts. Spouse took loan out to pay debt. Husband now wants name on title . Spouse is obligated to pass some of the inheritence left from grandparents down to grandkids. Spouse does not trust husband motives. Has been verbally abusive, giving wife ultimatium if not put on title. Husband Spouse wants to put his name on title to bring peace to the marriage but is afraid what his true motives are, spouse could loose it all. There is no *** to make a will or trust. Wife wants marriage to work, but cannot discuss this in a mature way with husband. Husband refuse counseling.

[GrandmaT]

Don't do it! It could make things bad if things don't work out. If she had to take out a loan to pay his debts - if his name is on the house, he could go a nd try to get a loan later. Sounds like he needs to step up and pay her back. Also, depending on where you live - if his name is on the house - his kids would get their equal share if something happened to both parents. We have seen this before. If he is so insistant on his name being on the house, set up a transfer on death with him and your kids if you want him to have any of the house. If not put your kids on the TOD. It doesn't cost much to do the TOD.

[SAM]

There is a reason things are not sitting right.
Don't ignore the fact that the Holy Spirit sends us warning signals.

Without him agreeing to counseling, nothing should happen legally with regard to the house. There are many relationship issues that are extremely disconcerting and need to be addressed.

I have no problem with the husband going on the home and things being equally divided between him and the children of the wife. After all, this is money left by the grandparents. However, his children from a previous marriage have no business being on the home if he put none of his personal funds into ownership of this home.

I would consult with an attorney based on your state laws. I'm sure a will is necessary to insure your wishes are followed to the "T".

[confused77]

I am new to this forum stuff. So To Sam and to Grandma T. You both have some very good points and I would like to talk to you more about this. But since I don't have 10 posts I can't chat with you. There is so much more to this and what has led up to this. In no way do I think that Im innocent and have not made in mistakes to help lead up to this. That is why I wanted counseling so that I could go back and unravel all this. Something just does not sit right with me. I have been praying over a year about this and talk to so many so called friends. They say just give it up and put his name on it. Then im told to trust in God. I just don't want to be STUPID. Holy Spirit yes could be sending up flags, this I have felt very strongly. Just so much uncertainity don't know what to do. But my marriage is getting worse and there is absouletly no communication on this subject. Its a big blow out every time. Im so mixed up................................ Is there a way we can chat? one on one?

[km]

I don't practice in this area of law (and don't know what state the property and people are in), but there are a whole field of red flags raised by this scenario.

It would be well worth the hundred to couple of hundred dollars to make an appointment and consult for an hour with an good local attorney who handles estate planning/realestate/family law issues. Then, depending on what advice you get, you may want to hire the lawyer to do a little more work to get things structured so that they all work the way you want.

This is a whole carton of worms. As an old colleague used to say: "if you think the moderate cost of good legal advice is a heavy burden, just wait until you get stuck with the cost of bad legal advice (or none at all)."

[confused77]

Thank you for the advice. But at the moment work is scarce but with the economy as it is makes it tough. so Iam not at liberty right now to seek legal counsel.
Im not too fond of lawyers.
Iam seeking other avenues and mostly seeking Gods answer and his way of dealing with this. I desperately need all the prayers I can get for this.

Thank You for your post

[km]

Given the infomation that you have provided (and you not being in a position to get with some further legal advice), if it were me, I would not add his name to the title of the house.

[confused77]

this is a mess. Iam on an emotional roller coaster. I can't explain how all this is effecting me. I just don't know what to do. I really don't have any good support . Pastor at the church won't respond to my cry. I have resorted to a board that I really don't know anyone. No communication with H without it blowing into a big fight. He just totally ignores my confusion and the acknowledgement of his pressure and insults of me being greedy. Its just one big mess.

[confused77]

Okay, Im getting really messed up over this thing. No peace. Thinking this is all me. Im ready to throw in the towel.
Although market is bad. Maybe move in the direction to sell home.
Ask husband how much he wants.
Try to get myself healthy mentally and try and pursue a job (low self esteem, don't think I have much to offer to employer at this time).
and just try to get my life back together. I hate this. Me, me, me. But everything is on me, Im struggling so bad. I hate to be focused on me, me, me.
Just cannot decipher what God is sayng, and knowing its tuly him..........
I Reached out physically, I was asked by pastor he could only counsel with me, if I can bring peace to the situation. Since husband won't be in the room, can't gang up on him. Well, my attitude of that is , sure I can bring peace by giving in to husbands demand even though he could be wrong and has set his expectations very high. He wants what he wants no in between. IAM WRONG, GREEDY, SELFISH and don't trust.
Must be true............................ God must be showing this about myself, but I just don't understand the stuff in between. and what he is truly wanting me to do. I have run out of reaching out. PPL are getting tired of hearing it. They don't know what to do except pray, pray. While my marriage is deterioting, no communication. The minute the subject is brought up. Bam here we go again. Emotionally, I have just shut down. Questioning Faith, everything is so negative. Just want to run and hide,(can't do that) I must go on. But going on, I just make a bigger mess out of things.
I feel like a child again and so mixed up emotionally. Don't know whats real and wants false. what is of God, I think I pretty much aware of what is Satan even in my ways and my thinking. But I look at these decieving thoughts as survival. Oh God come to my resuce give me wisdom I ask for clear strong direction. I don't think he wants me to give it all away. I just don't think that is him telling me. But I just don't know anymore.

[Elligirl]

When my husband and I first married we had problems like this. I was trying to hold on to some property for my children he thought I should sell it and put it into a house we were buying. I refused. We had many fights about this and he stayed upset until he inherited property then he understood.
My story gets even better. The house he wanted me to put the money into is the one he took the ow to live in. Leaving me with a bigger house note for the second house we bought. If I had used the money for the first house we would have had his love nest alot nicer and he wouldn't have to pay anything it wouls have been paid for by my childrens inheritence

[confused77]

Thanks, I some trouble understanding this. So are you and your husband divorced? He took the house he wanted you to put ** in? With his inheritence you bought 2nd home that he stuck you with bigger hse note?
Why was this his love nest? Sorry didn't get the whole picture on your story.

When my husband and I first married we had problems like this. I was trying to hold on to some property for my children he thought I should sell it and put it into a house we were buying. I refused. We had many fights about this and he stayed upset until he inherited property then he understood.
My story gets even better. The house he wanted me to put the money into is the one he took the ow to live in. Leaving me with a bigger house note for the second house we bought. If I had used the money for the first house we would have had his love nest alot nicer and he wouldn't have to pay anything it wouls have been paid for by my childrens inheritence