Growthtrac Community

[ladyt]

Well my worst fear came true. My soon to be 17 yr old is pregnant. I know its not the end of the world. She expected me to let the hammer down on her but was surprised that I had nothing to say. I felt I had already said all that I could to prevent this from happening.

Now that it is what it is, I am taking her to the doctor today. She doesn't want me to tell her dad but she doesn't want to tell him either. I told her to find a way to tell him or I will have to tell him. She doesn't want anyone to know until she starts showing. I feel her counselor needs to know and the school, I could be wrong.

He told her this weekend that we are fighting for the house in the divorce, so know she's thinking we're getting kicked out of the home she grew up in. I did not tell her details of the divorce and feel he should not have shred that with her. He also tried to talk her into staying with him permanently. The problem I have with that is he would not keep her prior to being served the divorce papers (he saw the amount of child support he would have to pay). He would not keep her while I was in the hospital and now wants to keep her in his friend's house? NOT!

Please continue to pray that God softens my H's heart. I know God is working everything out for my daughter and I.

[SAM]

I am so sorry to hear this. It sure seems to get piled on all at one tme doesn't it? It certainly brings us to our knees.

I took a journey through teen pregnancy with both of my daughters. I pray I can lend you some help and perspective during these times.

There is a good book by Ruth Graham called I'm Pregnant..Now What? that may be helpful to you.

As hard as it is, there is a wonderful little blessing that will enter your life at the end of this madness. A beautiful and precious miracle.

[km]

You have my sympathies. My (then) 21 year old problem son had a child with his then 19 year old girlfriend (now wife). It was the hit in his life that seemed to have straightened him out considerably. At the time, of course, I seemed like just another mess up in a long string for him. My now 2 year old granddaughter is a fairly delightful child and the parents are doing fairly well.

I hope this problem serves as her turning point. Is the father the young man recently caught in her room?

[ladyt]

HI KM,

I could not answer that question until now. Yes the young man I caught her with is the father. She is 7 weeks now. She's getting better with her attitude and less attitude when visitng her father on Sundays.

I try to encourage her to visit him the entire weekend but she refuses, willing to vist just on Sundays.

She was upset b/c the young man's parents are going to visit him at college next weekend, however the mother says she cannot go with them to see him as it would look like she is ok with things in front of her two young daughters. My daughter isn't showing and what does that have to do with anything? I may be wrong.

Please continue to pray for her

[believer]

ladyt.....It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now dear friend. I would like to address just one of those in this posting. I have trained as a volunteer for our crisis pregnancy center in the town in which I live. Do you have one in your area? They offer many services to a new mom. We see women come in from all age groups and from all walks of life. We offer free pregnancy testing, ultra sounds, maternity clothing, parenting classes, prenatal vitamins, baby supplies and a lot of good info on what a young mom's options can be. We offer help in finding agencies that mom's can get hooked up with for other free services as well. There is also a post abortion Bible study for woman that are need to heal spiritually from choosing abortion in the past. If your town has a crisis pregnancy center it would be a great place for your daughter to go to. You may go with her.

I just wanted to pass that on to you. There are people that can help during this difficult time. They are very dedicated.

[kittenscushion]

The thing that is really sad is that she will have to grow up real fast. Parenting takes out the fun of growing up not to mention opportunities.

The best thing like you said is to be supportive, she will most definately need it. Its no use crying over spilt milk, the thing that is needed is to map a way forward in terms of what comes after the baby, careerwise.

You are in our prayers.

[ladyt]

Thank you for your input. We are military so she is seen on the base. I have been supportive of her and she does well with her attitude until she breaks a rule and has to face the consequences.

She will be 17 next Thurs and last night she was on the phone at 1 am, 3 am and 4 am. She is not to be on the phone past midnight. When I asked her if she was on the phone she said no. She lied. I ended up taking her cell phones and told her that privleges were suspended for one day. She got up and tried to fight me and followed me into my room to try to take the phones out of my hands. I called the police.

She told them she hates me and when asked why, she did not know. I know she does not hate me. We had planned to go to see her boyfriend 3 hours away for her birthday but in lieu of today, I have cancelled. She told police she wanted to be with her dad. I had already notified her dad and he came over 2 hours after being called. Police made it here in 10 mins.

She is fine until she breaks a rule. We have 5 rules on the frig with consequences and she defies each one and when the consequences comes, she wants to run to her dad and he allows her to do what she wants, I guess out of guilt.

[resecured]

(((((ladyt)))))

Had been wondering how it was going lately. I just wonder, what if she lived with her dad? Any chance of that? Might be an eye-opener for the both of them.

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Yes she can live with him. She'll be 17 next week. That would be right up her dad's alley. He wants me out of the house anyway and I'd have to pay him child support for the next year. He does not have her best interest at heart. I've been there for her through thick and thin. He deposits less and less each month into the bank and I have most of the bills. We finally have a hearing for support on Oct 28th. My attorney tried to get Sept 11th but his attorney said she was not available until Oct 28! I smell a fish on this one.

I will not allow her to want to fight me when she does not want to deal with known consequences to her actions. She told police today, she wants to be emancipated.

I am still in Physical Therapy for my finger and right should that was injured during the domestic violent I encountered with my husband in June.

[km]

One thing I learned the hard way with my oldest - the wayward son: you can only do so much, and if they insist on going astray, then astray they will go. He had a child (at 22) with his 19 year old girlfriend (they were married shortly before the birth).

The good news is that he responded to the responsibility of fatherhood remarkably well. It seemed to be the smack up side his head that he needed.

[ladyt]

I hear ya! I rather it be done after the divorce as I know that she will want to come back home after she sees how the real world is and living with dad is not the best for her now that she is pregnant. He lets he do anything.

[resecured]

How is it that you've retained most of the bills? Shouldn't he be made to pay half at least? Can you recover half of any of it, ever? Is Oct. 28th when the divorce is final or just about support? I wonder, does your daughter even understand what she is asking for concerning emancipation?

I had just wondered if her seeing her dad in the true light of day, would open her eyes a bit. I bet she knows the truth anyway, deep down. She has to be so scared right now. When people are scared they lash out. I pray that the both of you receive God-given strength and peace.

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Thanks RJ.

I am at peace despite what it looks like. God has been with me every step of the way. Psalm 37 has been my rock. My daughter has text'd me at least 5 or 6 times each day that she has been gone. She saying she's sorry, please forgive me, I was wrong and we need to talk, compromise..etc.

She really wanted to go on this trip this weekend but the trip has been cancelled. She told me on Monday she would go w/o my approval. I told her its her decision. She's only saying all of this to manipulate me into taking her to see her boyfriend. This means a lot to her. Oh well, consequences can be so devastating. I gave her the cell phones back. Her last text to me today was, "I know you are getting my text msgs and you are avoiding me on purpose. Don't know why because you know I'll keep asking." A month ago I would have given in but not today. Her holding the fire torch to me on Sunday and locking me out my room throwing my trash all over the floor is serious and it calls for serious consequences. Her counselor said they should have taken her to Mental Health Resource Center for evaluation.

She knows the truth and has mentioned to me that she understand why I want to divorce her dad. She has watched over the years things he's done and has even taken her to the OW's house where our daughter knows her sons.

Oct 28th is for support and then they will make him pay and I can get back pay. I have the deposit slips of everything he has deposited.

After that its mediation which he will disagree and then we have to go to trial and pay thousands more. He said to me a couple of weeks ago, "They made me move out and now they have to make me pay what they want me to pay." Sad. He's willing to pay more cause he can afford it. I can't. Besides I can think of a lot I can do with thousands of dollars right now. I'm praying for his salvation daily.