Growthtrac Community

[montanna]

Hey Guys,

It's me again! I hate to bother yall! I am just really struggling with letting the past go, good and bad! From my husband's infidelity...He is trying so hard, and yet as I have said I tend to pull away. I am affriad that he is getting frustrated!

I have been asking God for so much and he has come through as always with all that we have needed, the main thing is I have asked for the real ( truth) of what happened to come out, ( maybe it already is out) and to help me let go and lift these awful thoughts from me. I have heard God so clearly sometimes but with this one, I don't hear! What am I missing.

I am healing slowly, but still battle with wanting to leave because my pride is so hurt. I want to be like so many of the wonderful strong woman on here that battle through it no matter what, you will NOT give up. I need that desire. Please pray that for me. By the way I am 4 mths pregnant now, and hormonal!!

I am also having a very ahrd time with Sin is Sin, I get it.. I really do... But in my mind hurting someone like this is so different than some of the other sins. Or is that a very Non-Christian way of thinking?

I get very confused what God is telling me and what the enemy is telling me!

thank you all for just listening!

bg

[km]

All sin hits God the way this one hit you. He forgives us if we repent. Focus on that - if your husband is indeed repenting, you're called to forgive. Focus your hurt and pain on doing all those things that the MC will have you working on to make it the marriage it should have been from the start.

[montanna]

Than you! km..

[SAM]

I continue to keep you in prayer.

If and when you are able to completely hand this over into God's hands, then you will get to a place of peace. If you keep playing tug-o-war with God, then it is going to continue to be very difficult. Baby steps toward letting go is a moment by moment, minute by minute, day by day thing. If all you can focus on is this moment, then hand over this moment to God. Say it to him, cry it out, get angry with him - clearly say - "Lord, I putting this into your hands. Please take this burden from me."

The really difficult thing in this situation is, even though you have been deeply hurt and betrayed, is to act as though you are clothed in righteousness - that you have never sinned yourself. It can appear that you are putting yourself on a pedestal of righteousness above your husband and holding a crown over your head with a septor in one hand, bonking him on the head the moment you think you see sin. That is so destructive to the healing process in your marriage. It can make him feel as though he will never measure up again and you will hold this sin over his head for the rest of his life.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives" 1 John 1:8-10

All sins are the same in that they violate the revealed will of God, generating real guilt. Both lust and adultery demonstrate our fallen condition, and we are accountable to a holy God for every kind of wrong. All sins lead to death, unless confessed and forgiven. In this sense all sins are equal.

The 10 commandments do not say murder is above lying, adultery is above lying, coveting is above stealing, or taking God's name in vain is above anything else.

[montanna]

From SAM:
The really difficult thing in this situation is, even though you have been deeply hurt and betrayed, is to act as though you are clothed in righteousness - that you have never sinned yourself. It can appear that you are putting yourself on a pedestal of righteousness above your husband and holding a crown over your head with a septor in one hand, bonking him on the head the moment you think you see sin. That is so destructive to the healing process in your marriage. It can make him feel as though he will never measure up again and you will hold this sin over his head for the rest of his life.

YES, very true and very eye opening. I have taken some of my part in the marriage that led to this... But I keep forgetting that I to let his feelings fall through the cracks. I guess the real anger comes in that I have needed things to and didn't go out of the marriage. But he did and it is what it is. I alway appreciate your insight!

bg

[SAM]

I've been reading some things lately on how we judge others on their level of sinfulness compared to our own.

As an example: If God said, of your three children pick which one of your children sins more. Then you have to decide and choose. Then, he says the two who sin less will be in heaven with me, and the other one will go to hell.

Doesn't sound like a just and loving God does it?

Think about a moral continuum - one that goes from heaven to the earth.
God is at the top, as he his perfectly moral. Maybe a little further down is Mother Theresa and Billy Graham - then maybe an ax murderer at the very bottom. Maybe, just maybe, I may fall in the lower half of that continuum - but compared to who? What this shows me is, that I continually fall short of God's perfection. And, when I compare my sin to someone elses, I am putting myself in the role of playing God.

[montanna]

wow~

very true and very well put. I will and always keep that in the forefront of my mind.. Thank you for your time and prayers.

bg

[km]

SAM - to use your analogy of a continuum of sin, we have to get our scale in place.

God is here at point "X" as perfect and sinless and just.
The best human (your Mother Theresa example) is 100 miles down the way.
The axe murderer is one hundred miles and one inch down.
The rest of us are arrayed somewhere along the was within that inch.

[charity1]

montanna,
I know exactly where you are coming from, I've been there. Infidelity tears your whole foundation out from under you. Yes, sin is sin, but you are right, this one sure feels bigger! You are very hurt, and that is ok. You have a right to hurt and to feel betrayed. You were betrayed, big time. You can't imagine doing that to your husband, so you can't understand how he was able to do it to you. The good news is, you don't have to understand it to forgive it. It feels like if you just forgive your husband and try to move on, you are saying what he did was ok, but that isn't what you are saying at all. The fact that he did it will never be ok. God says it was not ok, but He promises to forgive him anyway if he repents. We also have to forgive in order to be forgiven. The point you have to get to is understanding that what has happened can't be undone, no matter how much you wish it could. Acceptance is key. Accept that it happened. Holding it against your husband won't change anything. I compare it to cancer. It is horrible and unfair when you are going through it, but once you get past it, life is so much better. You don't take life for granted anymore. The same is true with infidelity and marriage. You and your husband's marriage can be better than ever, and neither of you will take your marriage for granted again. Letting go of the resentment and hurt is the hardest part of healing. Pray that God will heal you. You can't get past this on your own, but with God's help you can. Remember God is more powerful than Satan. He is in the business of making good come from bad when we obey Him. Turn this completely over to Him. You will have to do it on a continuing basis though, it won't be a one-time thing. Satan will constantly plant thoughts in your head, just keep praying and get past those thoughts as quickly as you can. Try to replace the bad thoughts with good thoughts of what your husband is doing now to make this up to you. Fall in love with the man your husband is now. Keep the OW in perspective too. She had no right to ever be in the picture, and she too will have to answer to God. Satan tries to make the OW something special in our minds, but we have to remember she wasn't. She was just a trap set by Satan. There is no reason to be jealous of her at all. Your husband belongs to you and only you as long as you both live.

Whenever you want to leave your husband due to pride, remember pride is a sin too. Work on building a strong marriage so that this new baby can have two loving, Christian parents. You and God can do this. I am praying for you.