Growthtrac Community

[ladyt]

My H and I have been separarted since late June. I had to file for divorce to get him to support me and our dau. My attorney wanted a hearing on Sept 11th and his attorney delayed until Oct 28th for support decision. We have to go to mediation before we can get a divorce hearing.

Since the delay my H has went from working FT to PT which the same company he hs worked for in the past 5 years. He still has company truck 24/7 and they pay for his gas. I know it is a ploy for him not to pay but its his decision. He can stop the divorce at anytime, however he chose to get a lawyer.

My teen now wants to live with her dad since she's visited him all week this week. I know he has coached her into making this decision. He lives in a small den room w/ a freind and our dau sleeps on the daybed looking sofa and my H sleeps on the floor. Our teen is 9 weeks pregnant. She tries to play both of us but I don't fall for it and she gets upset but her dad does.

I feel she's better off with me, however I will allow her to amke her decsion. She turned 17 last Thurs. Her boyfreind who I have only spoken to 3 times, once when I caugh him in my dau's bed w/o my knowledge, once when he atopped by to say he's sorry for coming in my home and thirdly when I called him to tell him he needs to be treated for an STD.

He told my daughter that he does not like talking to me and that I make him feel funny. When I say it guilt. He's 20 and tells my 17th yr old he wants to marry her but tells him mom he does not plan to marry her. My teen then thinks I messed up theri relationship when its not true.

Its so hard for get her or my H to see reality. My H does not want me but wants to live in the spare guest room.

Each time

[km]

You said it right in your post - "he doesn't want to" see reality. It is hard to get anyone to see anything if they are somehow invested in the idea of not seeing it.

It is possible to live in one's own fantasy world for periods of time - the more far out the fantasy, the briefer the time one can live in it. Unfortunately, it is possible to a lot of damage to a lot of other people during one's forays onto the fantasy world.

[SAM]

At 17, do you know if the judge will let your daughter choose where she wishes to live? Based on what you describe, your husband's living conditions and work status will not be the best environment for your daughter and her child.

Another thing to consider. Will your daughter and her child be in a lost environment being with her father? You have described him as being very far from God. Until she is 18, keep her and her child as close as you can. She will need you once this baby comes.

I went through the journey of teen pregancy with my daughters. I thank God for the time I had with them and their children. To show them how to be moms and nuture their children. A fews years have passed, and my girls are awesome mothers. They have gotten through school and college and I am so proud of them.

I would encourage you to pick your battles carefully. Draw her close to you, and as close to God as possible. And, the less influence her father has on her and this child, all the better.

[ladyt]

Sam,

My H is so far from God it cannot be measured. I think my daughter knows something about my H and that is why he doesn't discipline her about anything she does.

I am doing the best I can but she is so defiant that sometimes I don't feel like trying any more. Today she did not come straight home from school. I had a 5 pm appt and got home at 4:40 to check on her and she was not here. She then called stating she was at some girl's house helping with an * and that she would be coming home soon. Then she wanted me to come and pick her up right then and I said I could not and that she can walk home. Well I just got back from my appt and its 6:28 pm and she is not home. She tries to control me so much. She tried to jump me b/c I took her cell phone. I called 911. Police came but while they were on their way she locked herself in my room, tore up papers and dumped my trash all over the floor of my bedroom.

She then finally opened the door and had a long lighter pointed at me with fire coming from it saying get away from me. Her counselor said the police should have Baker Acted her but her dad came to her rescue as usual so she went with him for a week and returned on Sunday. He did not speak with her about her behavior.

I am catching it on every side. My H just went very part-time on his job (I'm sure this is a plot) and is now petitioning me to support him!!! Says I need to pay him since he has little money and wants to move back in the house into the guest room since its still his house. He wants to over throw the judge's ruling on the 6 month injunction and move back in now. The support hearing is on the 28th. Please pray that the judge sees through his tactics to not pay me any money but to have me pay him! This is absurd!!! Only Grace and Mercy has kept me this far.

[SAM]

Dear Lady T -

I fully understand your desire to want to give up. When my daughters were pregnant, I so much wanted to stick my head in the sand like an ostrich and never come up to see the light of day.

But, ultimately God calls me to be a parent. And I had a friend who encouraged me to rest in him for the strength and endurance I needed to get through this time with them.

However, I had to admit my girls were not as defiant as yours. Unfortunately, your daughter has a taste by watching the behavior of her father to believe she can treat you the same way or worse.

My situation was different, in that my husband and I worked through this together. This is something you do not have and it makes the situation even more difficult for you to try and handle on your own.

Even in the midst of chaos, I am a firm believer that the truth wins out in God's timing. Judges have seen it all and they know when someone is truthful and when someone is lying.

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.
I am so sorry you are going through such difficult times.
But, dear sister, you are not alone.

[ladyt]

Thanks Sam,

You're right, it is harder trying by myself but I'm staying the long haul. Its VERY difficult when her dad lets her have her way and sees how she treats me but he treats me the same way so she learned from the best. She treats her teachers the same way.

I am trusting in Him. I want to give up but I know I won't. She called me an f'ing B and I thought I would die. Our case of the clergy sexual abuse is about to take off by the end of this month and I will be there for her.

God sees what's happening and I jsut have to stand and trust Him at his word. I will not fret over evildoers...

Thanks for your prayers.

[resecured]

(((((ladyt)))))

Here's a big hug from me to you!!!!!!!! I am praying so hard for you to withstand this onslaught. I'm sure that the day is coming that your daughter will understand how much she needs you, especially with this baby coming. Do you have an attorney that can present the fact that your husband is pulling this type of ploy?

Remember, you are not alone. I'm so positive that there are so many praying for you right now.

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Yes, I spoke with my attorney and she told me not to be upset about what he's asking for. My daughter will live with me but visit her dad. I'm not asking her to make a choice. We both have to be evaluated with child services. That can take a while.

[resecured]

Good grief, this has so many layers to it, doesn't it? Just rest in God, ok?! Just know that we are praying for you!

-RJ-

[ladyt]

I am doing my best to rest in Him, however some days it seems too much to bear. But, I know God is near and will work things out. I have to just worry about today. Praise God I have done very well despite the roadblocks and stones thrown my way.

His own brother is lying for him stating I have tried to communicate with him through him. Lie! His family is like that. They will take up for him regardless if he is wrong or right. Except for his one sister who is a believer, she will call it for what it is.

It was a burdened lifted when the judge ordered the 6 month injunction since I really wanted a separation but was forced to file for divorce due to his not wanting to support us nor take any of the bills we have.

But according to papers I received this week, he does agree the marriage should be ended, so at least I know what he;s thinking. He never wants to talk with me. Its always, "I don't want to talk about it right now." Later either! Now he can be with his female co-worker when her husband is out to sea w/o me questioning their FRIENDSHIP.

But I thank God for where I am right now, it could be worse.