Growthtrac Community

[Searcher]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We have been married for 25 years,last Sept. we seperated at my wifes request,she then filed for divorce in Nov.I spent allot of time reading and praying while we were apart,we are both christians and there was no cheating or abuse involved.
We were married young and I am the only man she has ever been with.Through the years I had a problem with jealusy and insecurity and made her feel controlled and smothered.
She kept things in until finally last year she said she needed time and space and we seperated.
She put the divorce on hold and asked me to come back home in March,mostly because of the kids and finances.We have been living together since March,sleep in the same bed every night,we get along great as friends and parents,but we are not really husband and wife or lovers.She says that she just doesn't have those feelings for me and doesn't know if she ever will.I am crazy about this lady and really miss her,but I am being very loving and very patient,I know that I caused her some pain with the way I acted in the past,I am no longer that man,I have done and continue to do allot of work on myself,that is something that she forced by her actions and something that I know had to happen.
I know God uses trials to help us grow and change and I'm thankful for that.
I am just ready for our marriage to get past just firends,I do see little signs here and there of her letting down some of the protective walls that she put up,but it is so hard sleeping with her every night and wanting so much to just hold her,but she's not ready for that and the last thing I want to do is push her backwards.
Please pray for us that God will help make me into the man that he wants me to be and that she needs me to be and that he will help her find her healing so she can let go of the past and step forward in faith to the new and better marriage that he has for us.

[km]

You are having to maintain a delicate balance, and it is very diffucult. Don't lose heart and understand that you'll have two steps forward and one step back. Progres will seem glacial at first - but if you really keep with it strong and steady now, you might well see a build up of momentum later as her trust issues resolve. Stay the course man.

[SAM]

The key to restoring your passion is to ask God for his help. If you can pray together about this, then wonderful. If not, pray on your own and read Song of Songs. God is the designer of our passion.

When security and trust have been stripped away, many women retreat by guarding their bodies. There is such an open vulnerability when a woman allows herself to be naked in front of her husband. Not only is she baring her body, she is baring her soul. And, if her soul has been shattered, crushed and abused - passion will die.

[Searcher]

Thank you for the feedback.I will absolutly stay the course and I am taking it slow and steady.I made the mistake when we were seperated of pushing and telling her how wrong divorce was and how I couldn't believe she was doing this to our family.All of that stuff just pushed her further away.That's when I started working on me and putting it all in God's hands,when I backed off and gave her the space that she had asked for she gradualy started to move back toward me,she became more friendlyand things have slowly gotten better.
We are not there yet but I have faith and know that God has a plan for our marriage and when his time is right we will be right.
I just continue to work on patience and loving her uncondtionally,she is worth the wait.

[SAM]

Ask yourself these questions -

"Would I want to be married to me?"
"Do I have a family resemblance to Jesus Christ?"