Growthtrac Community

[km]

We are all pulling for you, and you remain on our thoughts. Please continue to check in periodically to let us know how things are going.

[ladyt]

Hello,

My teen was Baker Acted 2 weeks ago after running away b/c I took her cell phone privileges. The rule is not to be on the phone after midnight. She is still on 1, 2, 3 and 4 am talking to her baby's dad, who does not want her as his girlfriend. She texts and calls until he calls or text her back but she tells me she does not talk with him.

She has another "friend" who spends a lot of money on her and I have warned her about taking expensive gifts (PSP handheld playstation $169), braclet, clothes, dinner, movies, etc.

I am tempted to suspend her phone for being on the phone after midnight.

I warned her that if I saw log records of her texting during church I would suspend phone for 3 days. Today she did not text while in church. However she has forgotten about the no texting after midnight. Although there is no school until Jan 4th, she needs her rest for the baby as well as herself.

I get no help from her dad in parenting issues so I have to be the good/bad guy. Your thoughts?

[km]

When I had a problem with my daughter and texting, I was able to shut off the service to and from her phone for a period (at the time we were on a charge per message plan - we eventually came to terms about getting her unlimited text service for a set fee). She eventually became prety responsible with the cell phone.

I don't know if the text service could be limited as to just certain times of the day, but it might be worth a phone call to the cell serive provider.

[ladyt]

We're on a family plan with unlimited texting. This is ok for now but when she has to go back to school in Jan this is will be a no-no. Still not sure how I will address the present usage.

[SAM]

You are generous with no calls or texting after midnight. It was 10:30pm in our house, then the phones
were handed over to me or their father. Too often on school nights, we would get up to go to the bathroom
at 2 or 3 in the morning and hear them talking or giggling because they were texting. Essentially, we pay the bill,
follow our rules.

Once they got a job, and paid their own cell bills, then we felt it was their responsibility
to be sensible. This was their senior year in high school.

[km]

Try a call to your service provider to see if they can put a block on service outside of the permissible hours. They may not be able to do so, but if they can, it would eliminate the day to day battle (although it would be a "victory" without her having had to learn the discipline and obedience lessons).

[ladyt]

She does pay the bill, however I still need her to be disciplined in how long she stays up. I will not tolerate texting in church so that is out regardless who pays the bill. The after midnight is on non-school nights. School nights its 10:30 pm.

[ladyt]

Ok. Here's where I just want to give up. I borrowed money from my 401K to pay for my divorce. I have it and was saving for Jan 16th to pay my attorney. Well over the last couple of weeks my dau has been allegedly getting these expensive gifts from her male friend. Well last night she and I went to Walmart and claims she found $100 bill in a buggy. I was suspicious so I went home to see if my 401K money was still there locked in a box in my bedroom.

Well the box had been tampered with to get it unlocked and $2100.00 was missing. Of course I asked her and she went into this rage of screaming and yelling that I am always accusing her and why would she do that..yada yada. Well unless I sleep walk, no one else could have gone in my room in my closet, in the corner under stuff and gotten the box.

Her friend supposedly gave her the $* hand held PSP with 10 games ranging from $15 to $50 and he does not work, just a senior in HS. She claims his dad gives him however much he wants anytime he asks. RIGHT!

She has a history of chiseling inside my door if lock until it gets open, why? I don't know. I lost it last night, crying asking God, WHY?

[SAM]

People do not react with screaming and yelling unless they are guilty.
And, who else would know where this box is in your home with that amount of money in it?
I would ask her for the rest of the money back. If she is working, she will need to repay you.

Hopefully, she has the receipts for the items purchased that can be taken back to the store
for you to get some of your money back.

I would have a new lock that deadbolts installed on your bedroom door. And, special locks on
any of your bedroom windows.

It's understandable to want to give up. It really is. Hang in there for her... without you she
will be completely lost and so will this child she is carrying. I will keep praying for the strength you
need to weather these awful storms.

[ladyt]

I would but she insists she does not have the money and did not take it. So I have searched trash and her room looking for receipts. I'm afraid it happened over time, like the past month, a little here and there.

I am also concerned that he has her single Chem teacher's home email and school email.

I stayed up until 12:30 am this morning with the virus people to get 4 viruses off my laptop b/c she visited porn sites and clicked on things that infected my laptop.

Not sure how much more I can take. I know the Word says He will not put any more on me than I can stand but it feels close to that point!

I will put locks on my door. This is crazy!

We're gearing up for dispositions to be taken in her clergy abuse case so she needs to get a grip. She spends money like she has it to blow, not knowing I'm not going to be financially responsible for the baby. I'm doing good just trying to keep us fed and roof over our head.

Lord help me!

[rdsmith3]

Ladyt

I will continue to pray for you, for strength, perserverance, and wisdom. I will also pray that your daughter's eyes will be opened and she will turn back from her rebellion against God and you, and reconcile these relationships. I also pray that she will be healed from the hurts caused by clergy and her father. You certainly have a lot going on.

FWIW, there is a free anti-virus program called AVG that seems to work pretty well. I have been trying it out recently and it seems to work.

I also use a program called bsafe to block our teens from accessing undesirable web sites.

ditto on locks.

[SAM]

AVG and CounterSpy are the two we use in combination. They are the only things that have actually worked!

Lady T - my gosh you have your hands full with her.

Not knowing I'm not going to be financially responsible for the baby.

Is this a discussion you have had with her? I spent an afternoon with my daughter when she
was expecting laying out a budget for the expenses with a baby from Dr. vistits, to formula,
to diaper wipes, to diapers and beyond. She was amazed and gave it to her boyfriend so he
would know what he needed to help out with.

Also, I wanted to give you something to pray about. I decided to give my daughter a baby
shower. After all, this child still needs to be celebrated. He is a miracle and gift from God.
Some Christian brothers and sisters disagreed with me... but I am so glad that I did it for her
and the baby.

[ladyt]

Yes, she knows the cost of things needed for the baby. I am giving her a baby shower in March, God-willing. She is only working one day a week and that pays her cell phone bill. The baby's father has yet to do anything for her except he wants her to pay for a paternity test!

i bought maternity clothes, took her yard sailing and bought bassinet and onesies and I buy her liquid vitamins every month.

I cannot afford driving her around, paying for her medical and the baby's. She has to get more hours. She had almost $400 saved until she ran away 3 weeks ago to be with the baby's father, who then turned her in to authorities to be Backer Acted. Now she has $45. It seems she does not care about money and her future obligation to the baby and herself.

Her rage is scary and I feel I will need to watch her after baby is born.

[SAM]

Any thoughts about adoption?

[ladyt]

I would not be against adoption, however his family and mine would be. My dau uses the baby right now as a weapon to TRY to control the father. She does not see that it is not working! Right now she worls 1 day a week b/c she told the manager she could not mop or scrub floor of the dining area b/c she is pregnant. Pregnancy is not a disease, but she is very lazy.