Growthtrac Community

[camelback]

I can relate to the pain and struggle to erase a vivid and ugly memory of infidelity etched in the mind. Prayers to you and your family!

[crusade7]

Just an update..

It's been an over a year and we are still married. We have been going through counceling and trying to work through everything that happenned. I can honestly say there has been a visible change in my wife and all for the better.

Many times I still wonder what I am doing in this marriage other than to avoid a truamatic life for my young kids. I am in the marriage and trying to lead my heart to genuinly love my wife but I am just going through the motions and the guilt of being fake is killing me. I am trying to be happy but other than spending quality time with the kids my life sucks. I get up go to work, work out, come home spend time with the family and then go through the same cycle. Couple of years ago I was heavy into youth and college ministries and was joyful serving but now I have no passion, no desire to be anything anymore. My wife is doing the best she can and I think she notices there is something missing from my part. Beleive me I can act it out and keep trying to lead my heart but how many years do I have to continue like this?
I don't know how to deal with the vivid images of walking in on the act without completely trying to ignore it and blocking it out of my head like it never happened. Everyone I talk to tells me to stay in the marriage and deal with it. That marriages have gotten stronger and much better than it was previously. I hate to say it this way but I am tired of those answers. How do you lose your limb and go through life like it was never there?

I am just at a loss what to do anymore...

[km]

Everything (of any quality) I've seen on this indicates that it is a 2 to 5 year period of marriage recovery and (re)building after infidelity - and seems to indicate that most are more the mid to longer part of that range. Your situation sounds very normal - normal even for the ones that do eventually make it in that 'solid' to 'better than ever' group.

Continue with your counseling and marriage (re)building work, and be open about your feelings, even these feelings you're having now.