Growthtrac Community

[lauren.g]

My husband and I cannot agree on this issue and he wants to take it to the pastor at church. I think that no matter how much you trust yourself, you should avoid being alone with a person of the opposite sex when it is possible if you are married. Granted, there are times when it's inevitable, but at the times when you can avoid it you should. He says he trusts himself and doesn't need to avoid these situations. He works with mostly women who are within a few years of our age in a hospital (he is in the military) and works long hours (12 hour shifts) so he spends a great deal of time with these women. Well, the specific situation that we cannot agree on is this: there is a floor that is a gym in the hospital. He goes there and works out and it is pretty abandoned. The other day a female nurse from his floor came up so it was just them two working out together. He says she was in different room, but nonetheless, they were alone on a deserted floor together, and he is married. I think that that is a situation that is unwise because he is putting himself unnecessarily in temptation's way. He says it's not a temptation. But I feel that if she were to come on to him, it's always a temptation, especially since things have not been the best between us recently. He seems to think that since he can trust himself, it's not an issue spending avoidable time alone with female coworkers. I think it's unwise no matter what to be spending time alone like that. Am I completely off?

[rdsmith3]

As a guy, I would try to avoid situations like that. For me, it would be placing myself in a situation of temptation that could be avoided.

The other aspect to this is that one of these women could falsely allege that he did something, and it is one person's word against another. Suppose a woman comes on to him, and he refuses her and leaves. It is possible that the woman could get angry, want revenge, and make up a story that he came on to her.

[km]

Alone and in private is a bad idea.

Two people in a non-private area who are separately exercising (as opposed to doing so as a pair) is not really alone and in private by my reckoning - unless there is more to it than you've expressed so far.

[lauren.g]

Well, it is a deserted floor that people rarely come on, so they are alone. There is a chance that someone could come up, but it is very slim. So they are alone. It is a technically a public place, but it is private as well. They were all alone in the sense that no one else was on the same floor as them, only the ones below.

[km]

Do you doubt that she was in a separate room - or at least in location somewhat physically removed from him?

I would construe "alone with someone" as including both a degree of privacy (which might occur in an "abandoned" floor of a building) and in close proximity (say - within reach if one were to try to touch - which he seems to indicate was not the case).

I get the idea that you have some reason to be either suspicious or mistrusting other than what you've told us.

[lauren.g]

I do believe that she was in another room, and I really don't have any reason to suspect him of anything. I just think it's unwise and I'm afraid that he will continue to put himself in unwise situations because he trusts himself so much and one day it will bite us in the butt.

[km]

I think that if she were indeed in a separate room - although on the same otherwise unsed floor of a building - that he is being pretty reasonable in his thinking (and conversely that you are going a little to far in your worries). Particularly in a situation where you say you have no prior basis of undermined trust.

Others here may certainly have differing opinions.

[j3anjean]

I agree with you, km. Although they were both on the same floor, they were in seperate rooms. Lauren, it doesn't seem that he was interacting with her in any way. I would say, unless you have other reasons to doubt your husband you may be a bit over zealous in your worries.

[rdsmith3]

I agree with you, km. Although they were both on the same floor, they were in seperate rooms. Lauren, it doesn't seem that he was interacting with her in any way. I would say, unless you have other reasons to doubt your husband you may be a bit over zealous in your worries.

I thought about this some more last night. I agree that lauren.g might be over zealous about this.

However, regardless of a spouse's reaction, I do think that everyone needs to be very careful about being in situations like this on a regular basis. we are all sinners; we are all tempted. The one day that you have an argument with your spouse, or the time when you start to feel old and life is passing you by, satan will take advantage of your weak moment and a person could make a very bad choice.