Growthtrac Community

[SAM]

Our God is a God of "do-overs".

If anyone asks why you are choosing to "do" this celebration - it's an opportunity to speak about
God's love and grace and forgiveness. And, that your God does "do-overs".

Over analyzing your husband's motives, is a sure-fire way to rob him and yourself of the joy
of a renewed relationship. I don't know of many husbands who would take the reigns and
want to plan something like this.

As for the ceremony, that is the most important part of a wedding or a vow-renewal.
Give the glory to God, and celebrate him. Pick four or five songs, provide a songbook,
and bring down the house with worship to a God who is a "do-over" God. Look at this
as an outreach to those who have lost hope in the covenant of marriage.

This really isn't about either one of you - it's about celebrating God's goodness.

[j3anjean]

I guess I can look at it as a way to minister to others. Just reading your post, Sam about choosing songs and bringing out the house, made me break out in hives. I get hives from stress and anxiety. I was determined to deal with those with a light antihistimine and steer clear of the anxiety scrips the Doc was pushing. I think I seriously need to reconsider as it is only April and already the stress is overwelming. I am going back to the doctor and telling him that the Xanex he was recommending may not be a bad idea.

I am the last person to hold back on anything God wants me to do. I guess I just need to suck it up and deal with it. Eventually my heart will catch up with my determination. If not,well, then at least it did my husband and my community some good. I can get through this. I just need to get busy. Maybe if I can just focus on getting the job done it will be easier. It is one day, right? I can handle one day....

I am sort of an introvert and this whole ordeal has been taxing on my spirit. Being the object of attention literally makes me itch. We have LOTS of parties and get togethers at our home. There is not a week that goes by that we aren't entertaining. My husband's love is to be with people. I know that so I work hard to take care of the details, the food, the set up so that he can enjoy being with company. I enjoy it to a point but the whole thing is exhausting. I love people but small settings are much easier for me. We have had 2 big Independence Day parties over the past 2 years. We "bring down the house" with food and fireworks and entertainment. The last one was about 150 people. It was a busy day but I know that he enjoys it.

That week around the big day, July 5, will be so busy. My 12 year old son does have camp July 5 - July 10. He doesn't want to go late to camp because then he won't be able to bunk with his buddies. I am going to see if I can take a break from the 'festivities' to have him there by 7pm. It is an hour drive so that time may be good for me. We will be having 16-18 people staying at our house that week (family) and I have to get ready to chaperone high school week at camp on the 12th. My vacation time is going towards camp so I can't take any time off of work. All planning and preparing will have to be done after work hours. God will have to be my strength on this one because I am in way over my head. I just pray that I can get through this.

I am not buying a wedding dress if that is what you are asking, RJ. I do not like shopping at all. If it was up to me, it would be a jeans and t-shirt event, but it isn't up to me. I'm sure I can pick up something suitable to wear online. My last dress wasn't fancy so I may dig that out and wear it. (ugh)

[j3anjean]

Over analyzing your husband's motives, is a sure-fire way to rob him and yourself of the joy
of a renewed relationship.

I guess I didn't realize that I was overanalyzing. I just wanted to make sure that his heart was in the right place. I guess that he has always been the guy who will host the party so I didn't see his taking the reigns on this as the gift he means it to be. I assumed that he knew, since we have discussed it many times, that this sort of public display is hard for me and he would take that into consideration when deciding how best to kick off our official re-do. Maybe not.

I love my husband and I will do this for him.
I love God and if this honors Him then I will follow through.

[rdsmith3]

One guy in our small group is going through a messy divorce and high fived the one who asked if my husband was sure he wanted to remarry me. It was so juvenile. I know it was just a guy thing but it was in front of everyone.

That is very juvenile, and it helps me understand better your hesitation about this.

I pray that the Lord gives you discernment, wisdom and resolve about this whole event.

[veggiemelt]

Jeannie,

I can tell this is not something that you are entirely comfortable with. I am sorry to disagree with you Sam, but Jeannie you should not feel at all bad about figuring out why it is bothering you. It might be that if you just talk through the doubt or uncertainty or whatever it is that you have, it will give you a good feeling about your husbands intentions. Or you may decide that you can't do it and now it not the time. It sounds like a heavy load at a busy time. maybe just changing the date would make you feel better about it.

I get hives with high anxiety too. It sucks, sorry and hope you feel better soon.

[SAM]

Just offering a different perspective on the purpose of a vow renewal.
It's really okay to disagree.

Praying about it and considering it in a different light may bring an "aha"
moment to the situation. It may, or may not, work for your situation and personality.

If it makes you completely uncomfortable, then by all means, continue to discuss
it with your husband and work out a solution that does not create such a high
level of anxiety. Pray about finding joy in this moment and joy in your husband and
his love for you.

Let him do the planning and hire a housekeeper to come in the day before.
For that matter, let him hire a Hans (Father of the Bride) coordinator to handle
everything. You go treat yourself to a manicure and pedicue the day of the event
without a worry or hives.

[j3anjean]

Thanks Veggiemelt. I am not comfortable at all but he wants to do this so badly. I think I am going to go through with it. I can't put a finger on my discomfort. Is it the standing up in front of everyone? Is it the cost? Is it that I don't agree with the reason we are doing this? Is it the Holy Spirit prompting me to wait? I don't know. The thought just makes me want to cry.

Sam, you are sweet! I appreciate everyone's perspective. Mine seems to be so clouded with doubt right now. Even discussing it with my husband seems to make him feel discouraged. I hate to question his plans. He sees any concerns I have about this as criticism. We have taken to not talking about the ceremony at all. He wanted to renew our vows at our actual anniversary. 12/02. I was not ready at that point. Plain and simple. Too soon and too many painful memories. I'd rather just make that date a regular day.
You're funny though...did I mention my aversion to spending **! Housekeeper? Coordinator? Sounds like his landscaping and catering!! Yikes!

The hives thing is a mess, isn't it? It does suck! I never had them before last summer and now it is constant. Benadryl and I are close friends and I am thinking of buying stock in the company! I used to take 6-8 a day. Now I am down to 2-4.

[veggiemelt]

Jeannie,

I am sorry, this should be a happy time for you. If it makes you feel better, there is nothing more cleansing then a good cry. I am a fan of benedryl too, but it makes my heart beat really fast, so I don't itch anymore after I take it, I just can't breath. My doctor says that anxiety induced hives is your body"s way of compensating for emotions that are held in. If you don't cry or work it out or get it out somewhere, you body tries to get rid of the negative chemicals that stress produces through your skin. There are natural treatments, oils like Frankensense, and Peace and Calming that will help you work out what is inside. They help you feel at ease so that your mind and emotions can process. They will also help you sleep. God gave us things like oils and herbs to heal ourselves. Alot of people are afraid of them because they see it as being a new age thing. But they are Biblical as is prayer in calming your spirit and centering yourself with God.
I'm sending you a hug.

[j3anjean]

Are those real oils/creams? I kept trying to use cortisone creams but since the hives pop up and then fade on their own, that doesn't really help. It isn't like a rash. One minute I have raised itchy skin around my neck, wrists and ribcage and then in 5-10 minutes they are gone. Goes like that all day-=off and on if I don't take something. I know that it is stress from all this stuff but I am working hard to deal with it with God. We went to counseling for a while until the counselor sort of graduated us. Thanks for the hug. Silly that all of this is words on a screen but it means so much. Thank you.

[veggiemelt]

Are You Kidding Me Jeannie! That is exactly the type of hives I get. You can't really treat it with a lotion because it goes away and pops up somewhere else five minutes later. The stuff I told you about, is essential oils, you can get them in most grocery stores, but the purest ones need to be ordered from a reputable company. The grocery store ones are fine, they just aren't as potent so it takes more. Basically, you just put a few drops, undiluted on you temples, back of your neck, bottoms of your feet. I don't really know if it is the scent or the actual absorbtion into your skin that gives you the benefits, But it makes you feel calmer, so the hives just start to go away on their own.

OK, this might make me sound like a hippy chick or something, (which I am not), but I started mixing my own lotions.

I take a cheep jar of cocoa butter cream,( you can get it at Walmart, it is like $3,50 a jar), and I take some out and mix it with another lotion that I like - something that is like a regular body lotion, and then I add the essential oil that I want to use for that day. Sometimes I mix it to treat stuff like hives, or a cold, or something like that - (there are tons of essential oils that will make just about anything more managable). Anyway, so I might use like frankensence - It smells really good. I put in about 10 drops and mix it up with the cocoa butter and the lotion. And I use it as a body lotion for the day. The Cocoa butter stays longer on your skin then regular lotion, so it keeps the scent of the oil active all day, I works with your body heat, kind of like real perfume. Essential oils or extracts are the base ingrediants for perfume. You can take the scents and mix them, My favorite is cinnamon, clove, vanilla, and a splash of . - I mix it with the cocoa butter and my favorite lotion. It acts as a really great body moisturizer and it smells really good, so it takes the place of perfume, plus, it lasts all day.

It sounds a little out there, but it is fun, and it can really make you feel so much better. One of my friends got me hooked on oils, I thought is was crazy at first, but I was having these massive migranes and I was willing to try anything. I am not kidding you, a few drops of oil worked better then any drugs I ever took for it. Now, I have a huge collection of oils, Probably like over 30. You can use them for all sorts of stuff, You can put a few drops in a humidifier and it makes your house smell great, or it you are sick, it just makes you feel so much better, you can eat most of them, so you can use them like in tea or a beverage, some of them taste really good too. OK, now I sound like I am trying to sell you something, which I am not, but seriously, try a "calming oil" either on its own or mixed with lotion. I bet you will feel so much better. Most grocery stores will have a guide book right there where they sell the oils, it will help you decide which ones to choose, like I said I like frankensense, but there are lots of others too. One thing though, some of them can have side effects, so you will want to read about that if you have a condition that a particular oil might not be good for. I have this book called "The Complete Book of Essential Oils & Aromatherapy" by Valerie Ann Worwood, I have other too, but I like that one. It is not a Christian book, but it is not a new age medicine book either. There are also christian books on oils and aromatherapy, like I said, these things are biblical, God gave us plants and herbs with healing benefits so that we could use them.

Sorry, I just went off on a total rant there, I have never met anyone else who has suffered from that type of hives. They drove me crazy until I started using oils, now they go away pretty quick.
I am praying for you, jeannie, you are in a tough position. Did you have a good cry yet?

[j3anjean]

That is so bizarre. I honestly felt like I was the only one. No one that I know has had this happen. I was tested for a variety of allergies and then this wacky PA tried a dozen differen things. This is going to sound nuts & kind of gross but she took a sample of my blood. -shook up the syringe of blood until it was all bubbly then injected it into my hip. Of course it didn't work and when the doctor came him he was furious with her for doing that. I think she thought it was all in my head. I was treated for poison ivy, scabies and a variety of other things until the doctor said it was something called "dermographia." When I am stressed any spot I touch on my body will break out in welts. If I wait 5 minutes it goes away, until I touch another spot. My watch rubs my wrist, my long hair tickles my neck, my bra touches my ribcage and so those are trouble spots. It is just so funny to meet someone else who has stress hives.

I will try the oils. I will have to wait until I can get to a real town to find a health food store or something. I will check at the grocery store but our store is so tiny! This is a SMALL town! I will look into it though

I don't think it sounds hippie-chick or crazy at all. No one who has not had to deal with this realizes that you have to seek relief of go crazy, Traveling hives-that's what my mom calls them. Making your own is smart and creative.

No good cry yet. It will come eventually. I hate to cry!

[resecured]

I know exactly what you both are talking about. When I get really stressed, I break out in a mega itchy mess. Only in the areas like around where my necklace lies, and around my ribcage. I find that appling cool wet rags helps a bit. It disappears after only a few minutes, too.

One time I was having my husband's new boss and his wife over for dinner. I was trying to do everything from cooking to reorganizing cupboards (like they were really going to look in there). It got to where time was fading fast and I was not where I felt I needed to be in the whole process. My daughter and SIL came in about that time and saw that I was breaking out. They made me go into the living room and sit down and rest. It didn't take long and I was ok. But oh, those few minutes of itching were horrible. I've never taken anything because it always vanishes within minutes. I'm trying to learn to not get to that point anymore. So far, so good. I worry that this may indicate that I am a candidate for shingles. I pray not. My mom had those and says that shingles are beyond horrible.

I had always wondered what was happening with my body to cause the welts and itching. Knew what caused it, just wasn't sure why. Do any of these oils do anything for insomnia? Since the incident on the anniversary, I've not been able to sleep very well. I can't take anything that will make me groggy the next day because I babysit my grandson.

Reinjecting blood? Are you kidding me? That sounds so dangerous.

Jeannie, I worry that you are going to be an itchy mess on that day. I have found that heat only exacerbates the problem. Add to the mix, who and how many are staying in your house. Taking your son to camp, will this be after the ceremony? I could see where that would give you a little breathing room. The thought of you crying and being so upset is so heartbreaking.

Here's a thought. Elope. Then party hearty afterwards.

Jeannie, it boils down to just not worrying over certain people saying certain things. Concentrate only on yourself and your husband. You can do this. I just wish that you weren't dealing with so many mixed emotions.

-RJ-

[veggiemelt]

Jeannie,

I live in a really small town too. Probably why I can also sympathize so much with the public humilation factor. My husband and I went through some stuff that everyone in town knows about, but of course it all got spread as rumors behind our backs and no one really knows the truth. I am still getting people following me around the grocery store and patting me on the back in a pathetic combination of sympathy and fuel for gossip. Everyone here lies, no one can keep a secret and people who you think are your friends will turn on a dime and talk about you behind your back. There is pretty much no way to defend yourself in midst of it, and no real way to ever clear your name.

That is probably why I feel so tuned in to how you feel about the plans for your public wedding. From what you describe, it just seems like a possible disaster that could be really embarrassing for you. If it were me, I would not do it, I would not want to be the subject of more speculation, gossip, or insincere sympathy. Here, it is like people gloat in the misfortune of others and the more pathetic they can make someone look, the better. It makes me want to puke.

You can order essential oils on line, I use a Company called Young Living. It is one of those places where you can buy a membership and get it cheaper, but they want you to try to sell it. I am not interested in that whole pyramid sort of thing, so I just buy it from a friend of mine who sells it. I have tried some other on line companies, but I like them as much.
They are kind of pricey, but they last a long time. I like the oils because I have alot of other hearth concerns as well, like a stomach disorder, I was on medication for it, then I started drinking fennel oil in my tea, it doesn't really bother me much anymore. I also have thyroid problems and was constantly changing medication, then I started using this oil called "Theives", it evened things out and now I only get it checked once a year. The oils are alot cheaper then Doctor visits and medications and I feel better about using them then I did about taking so many drugs.

Some people will go overboard with this sort of thing, some medications are just nessesary and an natural treatment can't cure everything. But I think they are worth a try, especially when you are dealing with weird things that nobody seems to know how to treat. I think the reason the oils seem to work is because that type of hives is not an allergic reaction per say, it is your body trying to deal with the chemicals your body produces with stress, they are like a poison and they have to be released somehow. It is like being allergic to yourself, however weird that sounds. I hope you find some relief soon, for me it generally only really comes in finding peace with whatever is bothering me. I let alot of stuff just roll off my back, but sometimes I think it is really slowly just eating away and being passive or accepting of it to keep peace, or to try to do the right thing, just becomes a sickness really at some point. Like it rolls off my back, but a little of it drips into my shoes and eventually it slowly starts working its way up to my heart and one day it just catches me off guard out of nowhere.

I don't know if that makes sense, but keep your chin up, don't scratch and tell your relatives to get a hotel, Is he planning your wedding or your funeral? OK, that was just a little girl humor, but it sounds like alot to deal with on top of mixed emotions about the whole thing.

[SAM]

I call them an external anxiety attack. I used to get them all the time, until I sat
down with my bible in a quiet place and asked God to remove the anxiety from me.
Whatever is bothering me, whatever I am worried about, Lord I release it into
your hands. Amazing how the hives go away.

[j3anjean]

Silly! Of course I pray about it! And I know I'm instructed not to worry that God is near. That doesn't necessarily mean that we will live stress free lives with not a care in the world.

I want to look up these oils. I can just picture my swollen, red, itchy self trying to host a party. Everyone will wonder what is in the dip!

It is like being allergic to yourself, however weird that sounds. I hope you find some relief soon, for me it generally only really comes in finding peace with whatever is bothering me. I let alot of stuff just roll off my back, but sometimes I think it is really slowly just eating away and being passive or accepting of it to keep peace, or to try to do the right thing, just becomes a sickness really at some point. Like it rolls off my back, but a little of it drips into my shoes and eventually it slowly starts working its way up to my heart and one day it just catches me off guard out of nowhere.

That makes more sense than anything I heard in all of those doctor appointments! I know that the hives come and go. They rise and fade. I figure they are God's way of letting me know i am still a work in progress! I really think that for the most part, I take everything in stride. I stay calm and cheerful. Sometimes the hives are a reminder that I am not necessarily care free-instead I am keeping stuff bottled up.

This week I really wanted to talk to my husband about the vow renewal. Just to alleviate my concerns. Of course we have an extra child at the house all of this month while his mother is receiving inpatient treatment. Hubby has had numerous meetings this week-usually lasting till 9-10pm. 2 days ago he got slammed with the flu and has been so sick. The dogs were both spayed yesterday and one had a terrible reaction to the anesthetic and had fits of vomitting all over the house-oh and my mother in law comes for a 10 day visit tomorrow. I have been in prayer a lot this week for peace and comfort.... Believe me!