Growthtrac Community

[rdsmith3]

Well, it's all sort of theoretical and theological for me, anyway.

[km]

While I do admit that I tend to be overly into some of the more obscure points, I do find that working through them to the point of really understanding them leaves you in a position of better living day to day in teh practical realm - you get a better instictive feel for moment to moment decisons (one might call it wisdom even).

[SAM]

Which is why men and women think differently. Although, at times I think in the realm you are talking about, it is more often that I seek out the Holy Spirit side of things - which would be more on the intuitive side. I think that has more to do with my spiritual gifts of discernment and prophecy.

[km]

Neglect of sound theology is particularly dangerous for the intuitive.

Some spiritual nudges come from the other team.

A solid grounding for one's theology is needed to properly test the spiritual nudges that we get.

[SAM]

Agree completely. I work very hard on balancing both and have accountability partners who keep me on my toes.
I was refering to your being into the overly "obscure" points.

[km]

I view theology study as spiritual exercise. If you master the somewhat obscure points, it is the equivilent of running the marathon or lifting the biggest barbell. Yo get there, you have to have the normal everyday life issue level of stuff ingrained at a pretty deep level so as to be reflexive. It also gives you a sufficient understanding of the nuances that the main to medium points are crystal clear.

[km]

I view theology study as spiritual exercise. If you master the somewhat obscure points, it is the equivilent of running the marathon or lifting the biggest barbell. To get there, you have to have the normal everyday life issue level of stuff ingrained at a pretty deep level so as to be reflexive. It also gives you a sufficient understanding of the nuances that the main to medium points are crystal clear.

[SAM]

Ahh, gotcha! Very good point and very true.

[rdsmith3]

While I do admit that I tend to be overly into some of the more obscure points, I do find that working through them to the point of really understanding them leaves you in a position of better living day to day in teh practical realm - you get a better instictive feel for moment to moment decisons (one might call it wisdom even).

What I meant was that there is no practical application of 1 Cor 7 in my life, so reading it and studying it, for me, is just theoretical.

[km]

But because Christian theology is a fully integrated and seamless web, something that has no practical application in your own life at the moment serves to help you understand the rest of everything. And the rest of everything does relate to your life very directly. If you really work throught the more academic/obtuse/obscure points, you have to develop a very gut level understanding of the whole big picture - so that the small details in any given area stand out better - you know what to look for and how to fit it into everything else.

[rosesweet]

I have truly enjoyed all the input on my post and the disscussion as result of it. Now... I have another question, he wants to try anal sex, I have a real problem with it. For these reasons, I think it would hurt,that is not what that part of the body is made for,I've read it can cause broken blood vessels, tears, infection and possibly problems that can lead to surgery. I have a hard time understading (when he knows these things) why he would still want to go there. Am I just not getting something? It also plays on My not feeling like my "body" is not enough,he needs something... more. Thoughts, comments? Shouldn't be asking this? Let me know. Thank you all for your honesty and help. God bless.

[SAM]

There are several articles in Growthtrac that address this issue -

http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publis ... ed-673.php

The biggest question to answer is, "Does this cause shame and guilt?" If it does, in your mind and heart, then the answer is "no", this is not okay in bed.

However, a husband who begs, uses actions to degrade his wife in bed and continues to pursue anal sex against his wife's wishes is being motivated by lust, not love. A wife may agree to participate, but most likely only to appease her husband. Without mutual care, consideration, gentleness, etc. sex becomes more of a demand and a spectacle for the husband's gratification than a mutually-enjoyable, loving experience. When self-gratification enters the picture in the maritial bed, love is removed from the relationship.

From a clinical perspective, my daughter is an OB/GYN nurse, and she has told me that women subject themselves to horrible damage to their bodies for the sake of pleasing the men in their lives who only want personal gratification instead of mutually gratifying/loving sex. IF a condom is worn, it reduces the chances of infection, if it is taken off afterward. A new condom would need to be put on if entering the vaginal cavity. It is very uncomfortable without proper lubrication. Yes, tears can occur and bleeding which is do to small sensitive blood vessels in the anal canal. In examining women from head to toe, she has come to the conclusion that the the anal cavity was designed by God for elimination, not insemination.

1 Corinthians 6:12 - "Everything is permissible—but not everything is beneficial."

I know you want to please your husband. The question to ask your husband is, "Why do you feel this is something we should do together? Where did the idea come from that this would be pleasurable for me?"

[km]

On this point (anal), it should be enough that the receptive partner says no. It is that simple. There is danger, pain and hygeine risks with this kind of play - and most men think that they will just be able to ram in and pound away like in porn movies. Not reality at all.

If he persists, tell him you'd be willing to do it - as long as he is the receptive partner (the necessary paraphanalia can be acquired by mail order fairly discreetly). Only after the two of you fully master the tricks of backdoor play with his backdor will you consider being the receptive partner. Tell him that, as the one who is going to take the pounding, he can select the size of the unit and such. I would tend to guess that might cool his enthusiasm.

[rosesweet]

Thank you Sam for the info. very helpfull. And km... amen to that. I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot as they say, he would drop the subject rather fast. I have a few more question and would like the male perspective,from any men that may be reading these, but think I will hold off for now. I'm not able to get on as much as i'd like so I keep things short. God bless & take care.

[SAM]

If a husband is engaged in pornography, the suggestion of him being the recipient, may not curb his enthusiasm but escalate it. Pornography may be the reason for a heightened need for the stimulation he is requesting. And, making him the recipient may backfire since some of these devices stimulate the prostate.

I highly respect Dr. Kevin Lehman on his views of healthy sex in Christian marriage. However, he's quite adamant that the answer to a husband's request for anal sex should be "NO". He offers some great suggestions for questions to ask your husband.

http://www.iquestions.com/*/view/120?over18=1