Growthtrac Community

[SAM]

Good to hear from you, so glad to hear you are moving forward with counseling.

When I am feeling rather rambunctious, I plant a seed of anticipation in my husband's head.
I watch for his triggers toward romance.

1) Wouldn't it be fun to take a bath tonight? - I'll loufah your back for you.
2) Can I give you a foot rub later?
3) He loves back rubs, so I'll say - "take your shirt off."
4) I leave a post it note love not on his computer screen saying, "I have something for you to look at later....me."
5) I do couch time with him, where we hug, kiss, hold hands and are playful

[veggiemelt]

Rosie,
I think what you are asking for is more attention or affection for you, either in or out of the bedroom. Not more sex, as I recall, you guys are fairly active. However, you are not getting what you need from it most or all of the time. It is a giving, rather then a receiving thing, am I right?

It is not more frequency, it is a more mutually enjoyable experience on a more frequent basis.
In other words - HJ's and Oral don't count for you. Correct?

[km]

Men are capable of a surprising (to women) breadth of density.

Have you tried flat out telling him "I need more [fill in the need]"? It could be set up with some reassuring chat - "I love you so, I think we have a great marriage, I really want things to be as good as possible between us, I need more [fill in the need]".

[SAM]

Subtleties, hints, references or guessing games don't work with my husband.
If I give him a short bullet-pointed list, he has a light bulb moment. If it doesn't work verbally,
putting it writing is my backup for him to see it visually. This creates the opportunity
for him to respond to me as we sit face-to-face and discuss the issue.

It only took me 25 years to figure out this approach.

[km]

The problems with hints between men & women is that one will see the hint as meaning something completely diferent than what the other meant.