Growthtrac Community

[resecured]

Just wondering how things are going these days?

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Well my dau goes before the judge today. Her dad is going with her. I go next Weds. My Public Defender says the Battery charge might get dropped to a fighting charge and I said I want a trial as I should not be charged with anything. She said if they drop it to Battery the most time I could get is 60 days! This is CRAZY! My dau lied and said I kicked her but she hit her knee on my door when she ran around the sofa and end up locking herself in my room. God knows what happened so I am just going to pray.

She told her counselor she doesn't want to come back and live with me and I'm ok with that as I don't want to go to jail again. She is blatantly defiant. Her school referrals I picked up yesterday from last qtr of 2008 states she is defiant, uncooperative and rebellious. So it’s not just me. They got her on a trespass charge in Nov and she just finished the teen court requirements to close the case in April 09.

I still have contact with my grandson so I'm happy. Her dad has told me and claims he has told her she cannot stay with him as he is situation in his 1 bedroom apt and does not want to move in a 2 bedroom in which he will be required to do should he accept custody of her. If he doesn't want her, DCF says she will be placed in foster care until her 18th birthday.

Please continue to pray for her, her dad, me and our grandson. She has been struggling to get a ride to work and asks often for baby’s paternal grads to take her to work and watch baby. They don't mind but are getting tired of the last minute requests as her dad will not break his schedule to take her. He does watch the baby but not if it interferes with his schedule. He refuses to make a way for her to get to her anger management class, so she has only been once which I took her.

[SAM]

LadyT - I have prayed for all of you this morning and will continue to do so.

These are horrible circumstances.

[ladyt]

Thanks SAM.

[resecured]

I'm praying for you too. I just wonder how long it will take for her to call you for help. It's good that she is seeing that her dad is not going to adapt his life around her needs. Eyes will be opened. (On both sides, her and her dad) I doubt that she will want to go into foster care, period. What will you do when she calls you if that should be the case?

-RJ-

[ladyt]

I am in prayer about it and would have to see how God leads me when that time comes. I miss the baby. The paternal grands are getting a little frustrated that she calls them at the last minute. I told them it’s ok to say no and to set boundaries as to how much notice they will need. She still doesn't want to come home although she is struggling to find a sitter and a way to work. I finally got the baby on Sat and took him to ER as she called the paternal grandmother and said he was ill, however she was at work and called me. I had to go pick her aunt up so she can give her the baby for me to take to ER.

My dau was trying to find a ride to work vs. trying to take her baby to ER. Turns out he was fine. I think she gave him an old bottle that caused his tummy to be upset and to have loose stools.

Pride will not allow either her or her dad to confess things are difficult.

I have purchased my own supply of things for his needs so when I keep him I don't have to rely on her to bring the necessities.

Dept of Children & Families as well as her counselor wants her back with me; however I have told them I do not want her back unless she is willing to live by the few rules she must follow in any home including her own if she were to move out.

She can have 6 weeks of free daycare beginning June 1st; however she needs to get to the place to sign the papers. She has already lost one 6 week voucher and if she does not get in this week she will lose another.

I want her and the baby back home, BUT... however I know that I will not allow her to go into foster care and have her baby taken away from her.

Please pray for us that God's will be done.

[ladyt]

Hello,

Praise God. At my hearing today, the * were dropped! My ex notified me that my dau and her baby will be dropped back to my home on Friday. I have asked that he keep them since he says she is doing good there. I stopped by her job this evening to gauge if she was ok with coming home and she isn't.

First of all she was working the counter then when she saw me she walked away and stayed in the back until the mgr told her she had a customer. I spoke nicely and she turned her head stating she had nothing to say to me now or ever. This is the same tone she had on Sat before Mother's Day. She refuses to do ANYTHING I ask of her no matter how small. I don't want to get in trouble but I cannot allow her to disobey and disrespect me in our home. She could at least treat me like she treats other adults since she hates me with a passion. (her words to me via text). Her dad thinks its funny that he's dropping them back here.

He texted me repeatedly saying, "Yep right to ur front door". He knows her current state of mind towards me. I understand he wants his privacy.

He supports her behavior. I asked can the 3 of us meet and talk before she comes home but he refused to respond, however has responded with trivia stuff.

She and I are not ready to share the same home. She has no respect and thinks we are equal. I cannot take her attitude, she needs to be somewhere else. She has destroyed my property on numerous occassions and steals from me every chance she gets, goes through my things and allows this 22 yr old male to come into my home while I'm at work. Neighbors has been seeing him.

Lord help me.

[SAM]

Can you have her counselor or another adult from the Department of Family Services meet you at your home so they can speak with her about ground rules for her staying with you?

[ladyt]

I have requested that someone be there or even meet prior to since she will more than likley me coming back at night. I'll know today. I will not let them in if the talk has not taken place. I fear for my safety.

[SAM]

Why would the courts require you to take her back into your home? Is it because she is a minor? Is the only alternative foster care? What if she were to come after you with a knife or a bat? She hasn't been willing to follow rules in the past, what would make things change now? Is there another family member who could take her in?

I know you do not want to see them go into foster care, but living in fear of your daughter, and having her bring unknown young men into your home, and doing who knows what, is not a way to live either.

You know this situation will escalate again, and you may be the one who gets severely injured. What if she were to encourage her friends or this young man to participate in hurting you? From what you have described about your situation, I would not put this past her.

I know you don't want to see her or your grandson go into foster care, but for now, this may be what needs to happen.
It is the tough love she needs. Your ex-husband knows you, and that is why he is dropping her off on your doorstep again - he doesn't want to deal with her either.

[ladyt]

Yes they are saying she is a minor but she will be 18 on Oct 9th. I do not think I can go through the weekend let alone until Oct 9th. Her eyes are the look of death when she looks at me. They both know how to get next to me. Her and her dad are the same. I will not go home on Friday. I will stay in a hotel all weekend. I can't take this!

The courts dropped it so its as if it never happened. I told Dept of Children and Family Svcs but they are not taking it seriously. Her counselor is concerned which is a plus for me.

We are living in some crazy days! I will allow her to go to foster care. I will not live in fear of my child.

Since she doesn't want to come back, I don't think she should come back.

What's ironic is that her dad fought for custody but now doesn't want to keep her. He fought b/c he wanted the house. Since he did not get it ihe let the custody battle go. Shame on him.

[ladyt]

By the way, no relatives here except her dad's brother who doesn't like her b/c she told police once that she had no relatives here. He promises that if she ever has to stay at his place he will bea ther with an extension chord. Crazy like his brother! She could stay with paternal grands of the baby but since she's not with the son, my dau would not go there.

[SAM]

My concern is for you. If you allow her to come into your home, what will you find when you return after the weekend? Can the caseworker do something to help you? I'm so sorry, this is a horrible situation. I will continue to pray for you and your family. I'm only throwing questions out there, just thinking out loud, in a way that might be helpful. Sorry, if it seems like I might be interrogating you, it's not meant that way.

I am really concerned for your protection... and she should not be allowed back into your home. Will Child Protective Services pick her and the baby up?

[ladyt]

Please share as much as you like. You are not interrogating me. I have been on the phones and her counselor may have a solution, a group home for pregnant mothers. She will call me back. I told her dad about foster care so if he doesn't care to keep her then its on him. At leaset he knows I am not allowing her back into my home. So he can get his kicks somewhere else.

Thanks for your concern. I'm glad someone is concerned. She can't get into the house without breaking in so I have no worries there. I have an alarm system.

If CPS picks her up the baby will to be taken into custody with a relative. The baby's paternal grands are willing to take custody.

[SAM]

That's good that the baby will be taken care of by family. Perhaps a group home might be a good thing for her. There will definitely be rules.

Right now your daughter still has her father to run to. When she realizes she cannot stay there, and cannot come back home with you, then I wonder what will be going through her head? It's hard to know, but sometimes teens have to lose everything to realize what they had in the same way adults do.