Growthtrac Community

[ladyt]

I agree. Its hard to watch her travel down this path. Her dad just texted me to say what he was doing at work. I did not respond. Last week he said to leave him alone. Well I do but when I need his input or medical issue with her I have to call as she is on his policy. Crazy that we as adults cannot communicate about our daughter. This saddens me.

Yes she needs to be in there where she will also get help with her anger. I pray they are able to get her in.

[SAM]

It's always hard to watch our children walk down a painful path. I imagine it is the same kind of anguish our Heavenly Father feels for us, or perhaps His anguish is more so.

I walked beside two of my daughters through teen pregnancy. It is not an easy road. However, I am grateful to God that they married the fathers of their children.

[ladyt]

I totally agree. Right now she is not making the WIC appt but the paternal grandma is following up. I wanted her and the father to make-up but she has an anger and jealousy issue and he cannot take her attiude and agressive behavior. Besides he knows after him was several more guys.

[resecured]

ladyt,

Just wondering how things are going these days? You have really been in my thoughts lately. Hope all is well with you.

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Well praise God that He knows what's going on. My ex notfied me yesterday that he would file for back child support since he kept our daughter for 2.5 weeks. He thinsk because they release her to him from Juvenile Detention that means he now has sole custody so he stop * on child support check.

I'm sick of his trying to control and seek revenge. I hate he uses our daughter to convey info through. Things that are none of her business.

My ex daughter-in-law just told me that my son told her last night that he did not care if my dau has sex in his house. As long as she is where she says she is, he's ok. I am so sadden and sickened by this. He is just trying to make her stay so he can get her settlement money when she turns 18.

Please pray.

[ladyt]

I sent my dau and her baby to OK to visit my son and his wife for the summer. This should have been a great start to a cooling off period and healing for us both. NOT! Her dad notfied me that he was told by the child support office downtown that since she is not with me and he does not have to pay. Not sure who gve him this bogus information.

He also stated he was suing me for child support for the 2.5 weeks she stayed with him after they released her from juvenile detention after our arrest. They dropped the case for both of us. He said she could not stay and DCF wanted a longer cooling off period so he ended up dropping her home and the next day she wanted to go to her brother's house so I bought a ticket.

She had been texting me daily until two days ago when he sent her the child support check instead of to the state like the court order states. I'm not attorney but he must follwo the court order. He has always had difficulty follwing orders. He told her I should be sending twice as much since I work full-time and he part-time. So when I would not send it to her, she refuse to answer my calls or my text. She's just gone for the summer, not moving there. Not sure why he continues to discuss things with her that he should not be. She's the child, not the mother.

I will not try to contact her but she is welcome to contact me. My son is upset as he sees her talk and text her dad daily and she ignores my calls and text msgs. Humm, he dd not want her to stay with him and she almost had to go to foster care and now since she's been gone he has talked with her more than he has in the last 5 years. I guess that is one of the blessings.

[resecured]

ladyt,

How's it going these days? You've been on my mind. Is your daughter still at your son's house for the summer?

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Hello,

Unfortunately not. I flew her and her baby back here on Sat. They stayed overnight and she is now with her dad. She was unhappy with not being able to control my son. I was on the phone with her as she was ranting and raving on Fri. I knew she did something out of anger but she would not reveal it. I heard my son come home and heard him ask her where his stuff was. She hid things, * protected their laptop and lastly she poured powder and lotion all over his clothes and shoes...expensive Jordan tennis shoes.

She called her dad and he then called me. I started with I can't believe what she did, etc. Her dad then replied, "I do not feel any remorse b/c you did it to me. You taught her to be that way." OMG!!! What is he talking about!

He began yelling at her and as he turned his back she began hitting him as she did me last month. He tried to restrain her and must have scratched her lip and she called police. Since she had a scratch and welts which were really due to her form of eczema (stress), my son was arrested and I could not bail him out until yesterday. HIs military career is in jeopardy as he deals with weapons and cannot have a domestic violence charge hanging over him.

I called my son's commander and explained my dau anger issues and I called prosecutor. They faxed me a form to have her to sign to drop *, however after agreeing to sign she changed her mind when she asked me to buy her a car and I said no. Since I won't buy the car she won’t sign the papers. I will not be blackmailed.

I contacted her dad once more and he said he'd get her to sign. However when he got home last night she refused him also. I don't think he knows how to handle that. I have been begging him for 2 years to get her to a psychiatrist. I had a residential treatment facility, Mercy Ministries but when he emailed the info to his “FRIEND”, she told him I needed help, not our dau. Finally, yesterday he said ok but I would have to make appt and take her. Right! Like she's going to go with me.

Keep Praying!

[rdsmith3]

Your daughter really does need some intensive residential treatment, and I pray that somehow God makes this work out. I also pray for strength and patience for you, LadyT.

[ladyt]

Thanks you for your prayers.

[SAM]

Lady T, I am so sorry to hear all of this. She clearly needs help, as is destroying every relationship she has. I'm sure your
ex-husband's patience is about to end soon also.

Does she understand what will happen to her brother if she does not drop *? What would it hurt to take her car shopping for a used vehicle, have her sit with a financial officer to see what monthly * would work out to be. Then the agreement will be that she makes the monthly *, and you and your ex help out with the car insurance. Perhaps, once you've been "car shopping" she will sign the papers. However, that does not mean you have to follow through with the purchase, as she needs to qualify for the car * on her own without you co-signing. Or, let her dad do the co-signing.

Otherwise, what alternative do you have to get your son out of this predicament with his military career? I'm sure something has to be done soon to get the * dropped soon. Can you take her father take her to the police station to have them discuss the seriousness of this for her brother?

If you cannot get her into a treatment program, then it is time to let her go into foster care, and perhaps they can get her into treatment.

Praying for you continually.

[ladyt]

She knows the ramifications of these * but she is selfish. Her dad even says this is crazy in one voice but then takes up for her in another. I cannot reward her behavior. She ran my internet air card up to $852 and when I ask for her to pay she said, F that, I aint paying nothing. Bill is due July 3rd. Paid $* towards my son bail. So I cannot go our on a financial limb for this behavior. I will submit medical reports to the prosecutor if she does not sign today.

[SAM]

I wasn't suggesting that you follow through on rewarding her for this behavior. Once a child goes with you to understand the adult world of owning a car, the costs, the responsibility and the insurance - then they "sometimes" gain a different perspective than feeling mom and dad owe them a car. I understand that you are not dealing with a rationale child - however, I was throwing this out there as a possibility that might work to get her to sign the papers.

My oldest daughter felt she should have a car when she went away to college. We took her with us to look at a car, had her sit with us through what it would cost financially, insurance, gas, maintenance (I call the finance guy at the dealership before we got there - who was a personal friend) and he layed it all out on an annual and monthly basis. We brought this paperwork home, then went through monthly expenses for school. Once she saw what it was all going to be combined, she stopped asking for the car.

Can the military contact her social worker to get papers and her perspective on your daughter's problems?

[ladyt]

I understand what you are saying now.

Yes the military can contact her counselor. I made contact with her counselor yesterday and will sign a release for her to talk to them and to any law enforcement there.

He counselor will also call in a abuse report to Dept of Children Services to try to get it mandated that my dau attends anger mgmt as well as see a psychiatrist for further evaluation. Up until now everything has been referral and voluntary in which my dau does not want to go to anger mgmt. When with me I take her, when she is with dad, he doesn't take her.

I was served last week with a lawsuit for custody of her and child support. This is not needed; she could have gone to stay with him at anytime.

[resecured]

Goodness, ladyt. You are one strong woman to withstand this onslaught. I am praying that deep down she knows she needs the help and will finally allow it. What would happen to the baby should she go for residental treatment?

Is there something you can do to allow him child custody but not pay the child support? Isn't she fixing to be 18? Evidently, she has not turned on her dad as she has everyone else. If he gets custody, it would only be a matter of time. Then what?

I am praying the she gets the help she needs and fast, for her sake and the baby's. I hope that with all the info in regards to her state of mind that the military will understand.

-RJ-