Growthtrac Community

[rdsmith3]

I would greatly appreciate your prayers. My wife has entered yet another period of heightened anxiety and fear. My oldest son (the prodigal who does not live with us) is apparently home from college for the summer and living in our area again. She is afraid that he will do something to harm the other kids. Please pray for peace, joy, and her ability to forgive completely. Please pray that she trusts in God's sovereignty and His protection. Please pray that I can handle this God's way, whatever that is, and surrender it to Him.

The whole long saga is in this post from December, 2007
http://www.growthtrac.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=1542&p=9315#p9315

We had a conversation today in which she expressed her feelings about the matter, including that she wished my son would just "disappear" such as move across the country or go away with the Army, and then said something like, "Well, am I wrong for thinking that?" Then she said, "You have no idea how I feel." I replied, "You're right, I cannot understand what you are going through right now, just as you cannot understand what I am going through." She said, "Well, you haven't said anything, so how could I know?" I then said something like, "I am just listening to you right now. We've had a lot of conversations about this, and I don't really have anything new to say about it. I am sorry this is causing you anxiety."

Then she sent me an e-mail

And as I have stated for a long time that this is in my life because of you and it is not right that my kids are at risk because of the one who you love...your son..

I replied

I love you and I love the children, all of them.

She responded

Do not contact me today. I have spoken to you enough

And so we are off on the same cycle of fear, anger, resentment, etc. that we have been through so many times.

Thanks.

[veggiemelt]

rd - I'm sorry this is happening in your life again. When she says do not contact me today - what does that mean? Like during the work day? This is a tough one, probably for both of you. I will pray for you.

[veggiemelt]

rd - Do you believe at this point that your son is capable of harming your family? And do you think there is a threat?
Just wondering if safety is a concern, or if the concern is primarily with your wife's emotional mistrust and the conflict that it arises between you.

[rdsmith3]

rd - I'm sorry this is happening in your life again. When she says do not contact me today - what does that mean? Like during the work day? This is a tough one, probably for both of you. I will pray for you.

thanks for the prayers. I believe it means that she does not want to hear anything I have to say, but she will still say what she wants to say.

[rdsmith3]

rd - Do you believe at this point that your son is capable of harming your family? And do you think there is a threat?
Just wondering if safety is a concern, or if the concern is primarily with your wife's emotional mistrust and the conflict that it arises between you.

It's hard to say. I am not sure he would physically harm the family. We do not have contact with him because he has not repented yet. He is truly the prodigal son, but he is not in the pig slop yet. More importantly, I do think it would be emotionally damaging for his siblings.

[veggiemelt]

I believe it means that she does not want to hear anything I have to say, but she will still say what she wants to say.

Sorry, rd, but this made me laugh. In some ways, we girls are all very much the same.

Thanks for the clarification. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure it is all very difficult and frustrating.

[km]

I do find it interesting that women complain that we men don't talk to them, or share our feelings and such - yet a lot of the topics we actually need to talk about are simply off limits (and we're punished for speaking the least bit candidly about them) and the rest of what we have to say is essentially dismissed or ignored.

[veggiemelt]

This is hysterical, because I would say the same about my husband. He will talk about anything except things that are really important and if i even mention something, he immediately shuts me out.

What i meant about your wife still talking when she has told you to shut up, is that when guys get frustrated, they will just stop talking or at least stop listening. When women get frustrated we can't stop talking, but we don't want to hear what you say to us anymore, because we can tell that you aren't really listening and we aren't getting our point across so we don't want to hear any more whatever stupid thing you have to say. We just want you to shut up and listen.

[veggiemelt]

This is an age old gender gap issue. There should be people who interpret the male/female language, or at least a book that says, "this" really means "this". It stems from both sides, men don't really ever say what they mean either, you are too worried about getting in trouble for it.

[km]

men don't really ever say what they mean either, you are too worried about getting in trouble for it.

Yes, indeed. We are well trained that we can't, so we don't.

[SAM]

My brother-in-law who is a born and bred southerner from North Carolina gave me a book for Christmas called -
"Interpreting Southern to English". Sometimes I feel this way when it come to interpreting "man language" to "woman language" or vice versa.

Interesting this week -
When I get a bad haircut or purchase an outfit my husband does not care for, he is very honest about it. I'm okay with that and not easily offended.
However, this week - he got a haircut that I completely disklike - it is way too short. I could not hide my reaction to it as hard as I tried. You would think I told him he was fat!