Growthtrac Community

[dwk]

A little update.... I had to go to her place yesterday to have her sign some papers for the house. She just looks and talks so differently.... she is SO not the same person I married 20 years ago. It is SO sad to see her make such poor, life-altering choices based on feelings alone. Then today she called and we discussed a couple other kids-related issues and even just some of the tenses / phrases she uses make it sound like we are already divorced.... hard to see someone you love SO much do this....

[SAM]

It's hard to watch someone close their heart off to God ... especially someone you have loved for a very long time.

[dwk]

WOW! I found an awesome sermon on "Love and it's biblical definition"..... WAY worth a listen if you get time. So applicable to any of us going thru this kind of stuff.

http://www.compasschurch.org/sermons/date/2008

It's the one from April 5, 2009 and it is awesome!

[FaithHopeJoy]

DWK

Thanks for sharing that link to the sermon from Compass Church. It's full of encouragement for days when we struggle to show 'agape' love to our families, co-workers, neighbors, spouses. Lots of spiritual food for thought!

FHJ

[dwk]

Just a little update since I love y'all SO much.... It is amazing the peace and forgiveness God gives!!! When all this began for me, I began asking God to show me my faults and failures.... He has shown me much that I have confessed and been forgiven of.... PRAISE HIM for that! I just love growing closer to Him each day and feel grateful for knowing He is always there. I miss my wife, but I know she is not really the same woman I gave my heart to 20 years ago... not right now at least. I just keep praying someday God will get ahold of her and in the meantime discipline her, put obstacles in her path, and Godly people into her life to correct her as He sees fit. Take care all!

[dwk]

Well, our 20-year anniversary has come and gone (Oct 7th).... It was not an overly-sad day considering how different she has become.... but I did not, and still do not, call her or drop by her place. I still pray for her a few times a day, my small-group from church knows and we all pray together as well, and my sister and I pray together additionally once a week. We pray that she will have no peace, contentment, happiness, etc. in running from her marriage and from God. She has decided to go back to college to "further her career" or something like that. I will not give up unless she files for a divorce and it becomes final. But I was wondering.... wanted some more opinions.... how long should I give her? I am not interested in being "strung-along" for years on end. Is there a realistic idea of time for me to say, "You need to decide what you are going to do." ? I have heard many varied opinions.... I do NOT want to be the one to "pull the plug"!!! It is not what I want, but if she continues in her rebellion....???? I dunno....

[SAM]

I believe God will let you know when the right time will be.
How will you know? When you have complete peace about the decision with no anxiety.

I have a friend who waited four years for her husband to make a decision. He did, he moved in with another woman.
And, another friend who waited two years and her husband finally came home to her. They went through intensive counseling and they are doing very well.

[dwk]

Thanks SAM! I agree with the "peace about it" view. I love her, and "love always hopes, love always perseveres, love never fails." and I am not ready to stop praying, hoping or loving.

[dwk]

Yesterday, my wife changed her FB relationship status from "married" to "its complicated"... which it is, but a male friend of hers that she has begun working for a few months ago also changed his from "single" to "its complicated" at the same time. Sure looks like infidelity to me. I have been advised by some to just divorce and get it over with; I will not/do not make a "doormat" of myself, but jeez! I guess it's time for more prayer....

[SAM]

It may constitute suspicion, but not proof. Which, you have been suspicious for awhile.
Until you have 100% proof, do not make a decision or make a move toward divorce.

Remember, this is about waiting on God. He will show you the right timing, and he will show you the proof
you need, IF it exists.

[dwk]

do you think i should confront her? nicely of course?

[SAM]

No, do not confront her unless you have 100% proof. Right now you do not have that.

The only way to have 100% proof would be to hire a private investigator who takes photos.

Otherwise, she could accuse you of stalking if you decide to camp out at her apartment at 10:00 at night or follow her. Unfortunately, this has the opportunity to become completely obsessive, and I don't think that would be an emotionally stable choice for you or your children.

[dwk]

I have no desire to follow, stalk, etc. & NOT gonna obsess over it..... I have already given this all back to God..... just not interested in becoming a doormat or anything of the sort. Thanx SAM!

[dwk]

I got involved in a group called "Divorce Care". So far it has been an amazing experience! A great blessing to be around others who love Jesus and yet are going thru similar situations. I'm the youngest at 42 and the only man in the group! I felt I should "prepare for the worst; hope (pray) for the best" with my situation. I have also consulted with an attorney recently; just wanted to know whats involved IF she decides to file... I have never been divorced, DON'T want to be, so it would be all new to me. I'm just continuing to praise God for the peace and clarity that comes from knowing and following Him!

[SAM]

There is nothing wrong with preparing and protecting yourself legally. Glad you have found a group that is helping you. No other men?