Growthtrac Community

[dwk]

I guess it would be correct..... at this time, she is not someone I wish to "pursue"..... she has drifted so far from God and from the person she was a few years ago, that I believe she should be left to Gods disciplines, not my persuasion or pursuit. For quite a while she has not been receptive to any Godly influences or corrections. "And God gave them over to their sinful desires...." She needs to be broken first, like the prodigal son..... thats where I was (and am now) and I PRAISE GOD for it! Even though I did not do anything like she is doing, I was not fully committed to Him for a little while, my focus was on her and trying to figure out what was going on with her. I have now seen what happens when we "disconnect" from our Saviour and buy into worldly philosophies..... its sad. The "i deserve to be happy" mentality..... Its all about SELF! Jesus said "If anyone would come after me he must DENY HIMSELF..." Right now, she is all about self, and needs to give her life back to Jesus.

[dwk]

AN AMAZING ANSWER TO PRAYER! Yesterday morning my wife texted me.... it said, "i really do miss you".... I was shocked, but praised God for it! All I sent her back was, "I miss you too!" Hoping more will come from this, but leaving the ball in her court....

[SAM]

That is an amazing first step. We'll pray for more.

[FaithHopeJoy]

That's good news, dwk! We'll all keep praying. Maybe your wife has to experience a time of separation to realize what she would be missing if she left permanently.

Keep us posted

[resecured]

It's wise that you are taking the "nice but heedful" approach. Apparently she is learning alot about herself these days. Hang in there! You have many people praying for you, your wife, and your marriage.

-RJ-

[dwk]

Again.... Thank you all for prayer! Nothing to update really.... just in limbo I guess.... I struggle a bit here and there with lonliness and depression.... anger.... but I just give it all to God. Lots to lay at the foot of the cross lately. God is SO amazing how He gives me peace and comfort when I need it. The DivorceCare group has been good for me..... wouldn't miss it weekly for anything. Thanx again for all your support. Will be back in touch as things change, etc.

dwk

[dwk]

Quite amazing.... the depth of deception.... she has refused to come over or meet and verbally discuss anything with me, but a couple weeks ago, she IM'd me and said she is going to be "dating" someone. I told her "It's sad how far from God you have run." She then stated she has "been with God the whole time" LOL!
I got notice the 5th that my short-sale on my home is approved and that I have to be out by the 1st of Jan! This will be a crazy month! Still have to finish the other place I'm moving to! and Christmas! Lord, thankyou for strength!!!!

Merry Christmas to all!

dwk

[SAM]

Thanks for the update DWK. I continually lift you up in prayer. I'm so sorry to hear your life feels like 52 pickup right now.
I want to assure you that God is in control, even when things seem out of control. Look for his little daily blessings - he does provide them.

[dwk]

Do you want to know what an AWESOME GOD we serve???????? She came over at lunch today, began crying (me too!) and said she couldn't go on missing us/couldn't stand it. She wants to get counseling! And work this all out! I am still a little wary.... but a HUGE answer to prayer!!!!! PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!!!!!!!

[SAM]

Wow! Praise God!

Okay, is she coming home right away, or will this be from a distance for awhile?

[km]

OK, yesterday morning she was going to start dating someone else - by lunch she's tearfully desiring to work things out with you?

She is either very unstable, or very manipulative, or something really interesting happened regarding the other guy yesterday.

I do hope it all goes well for you.

[dwk]

I am a little torn on that aspect. On one hand, leaving her in the "environment" she has become a part of too long may have continued bad influence. On the other hand, there is a little mistrust I communicated to her and told her we need to move it slowly. We were able to cry together a bit, lots of hugs, a few kisses.... I held her hands and prayed for her and us, for wisdom and strength and (can't remember it all) but it was SO the spirit of God giving me a peace and His words! I am thinking since I (we) have to be out of this home by Jan 1, that she should come home to the new house..... thoughts, please??? Counseling has been agreed to and she feels "scared". Pray for faith over fear in her heart! We are going out to dinner tonight... pray for more wisdom in my words and feelings I express to her, for conviction and repentance in her heart as well.

Love u all! I SO know there have been prayers lifted up from all over! They are felt!

[SAM]

I know your desire is to have her home with you, and in your arms again. However, she has not had the opportunity to provide a track record of decisions and choices that shows you she is committed to this marriage once again.

First, as hard as it is... do not become intimate with her again. You are back at stage #1 of the dating game. No sex.
It clouds the waters and creates a false sense of intimacy. Because as we all know, when we are making love, all is right with the world and every aspect of communication and conflict resolving skills gets buried beneath the sheets.

Also, when a spouse has abandoned the marriage, they need to show that they are invested in making changes. When you quickly get back into the day-to-day routines of children, house, and work - things that need to be addressed and worked on get swept under the rug. The issues do not get worked on with the same intensity as they would, if you both knew you had a goal to work toward.

The goal is to eventually bring her home, but not now. The first and foremost goal is to get the counseling, work on yourselves as individuals, then start working on the marriage. The really hard, hard work is not likely to happen if everything is back to the way it was with her living at home.

She needs to prove her intentions toward you and the kids and rebuild the trust that has been broken. That takes time.
Your job is not to rescue her from the environment she chose to place herself in.

Your job is :
1) to let her be uncomfortable
2) to pray
3) to watch to see if her motives and actions are consistent
4) to see if there is true repentance, so you can witness a heart change where she is reestablishing her relationship with God

THIS IS WHAT ESTABLISHING A TRACK RECORD LOOKS LIKE.

Whether this takes 3 months or 6 months, it is important to give your relationship the time to rebuild. Otherwise, the two of you are likely to fall back into old habits that will never get resolved.

Let her visit, date again, enjoy meals together, but DO NOT let her spend the night.

My guess for the turnaround is... she was rejected by the other man.

[dwk]

I agree SAM. Thankyou for your wisdom.

[SAM]

What are you going to do if she begs you to come home, and she becomes angry when you say, "No?"