Growthtrac Community

[nikki]

If you have expressed the desire to your BF to find a "we" church, instead of a "me" church that makes his mother happy, and he is hesitating to consider a switch - then this is a HUGE deal breaker. It is time to end this relationship. He has to cut the apron strings.

He is 100% for us finding a church for us to go to. He told me that he doesn't mind staying at his church, but if I'm feeling uncomfortable there, then we can definitely search for a new one. The idea about visiting mid-week or Saturday nights is a very good idea, and I will be doing that starting next week.
Thank you for being blunt - I don't want to be a pick and choose Christian. I want to be obedient and follow Jesus wholeheartedly. The overnights will stop - I brought this up to my bf before,and he was totally fine with it so I know it won't be an issue. I just love being with him all the time, and spending the weekend with him. But they must stop.

Could some of the unease/disinterest at his church be a spiritual battle - over your relationship with the BF?

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but I don't understand what you mean by this - could you please explain?


Thanks!

[km]

Could some of the unease/disinterest at his church be a spiritual battle - over your relationship with the BF?

You are dealing with issues as to your relationship with this fellow (and you have children from your prior relationship). You have the "overnights" issues you're dealing with, you have some degree of issues with his family (not unduly bad or insermountable looking), you appear to have some issues as to your relative spiritual levels.

You could be looking at a situation where this place isn't right for you, and it shows in this fashion.

You could be looking at a situation where this place is exactly right for you, and you are getting spiritual opposition from the enemy to prevent you from plugging in there.

[rdsmith3]

Yesterday, our pastor was preaching on the account of God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Of course, it is a familiar story, but there is always some new meaning to get out of the Bible.

One aspect our pastor discussed is that it is likely that Isaac had become an idol in Abraham's life. After all those years, he finally had a son who would be his heir. It is not hard to imagine that he doted an Isaac, and he became a type of idol. So God wanted Abraham to see that he must not have any idols in his life.

A second aspect is the obedience of Isaac. Remember that Isaac was likely in his 20's, and Abraham was in his 120's, so there was not any question of what would happen if there had been a physical struggle. There is no mention of any resistance by Isaac -- he lay down on the altar, as he was told.

Then we heard a testimony from a woman who had lived in NYC for several years and had become heavily involved with a guy who owned a restaurant. Her life became totally enmeshed with his, to the point where she forgot about her own dreams of the theater. She came to know Jesus along the way, and realized that God did not want her living with this man, who had become an idol in her life. However, it still took her another 3.5 years before she finally submitted to God and broke off the relationship.

The pastor challenged us to examine our own lives for any idols we may have, and to surrender those idols. Nothing should come before our obedience to God.

[nikki]

Thank you for your responses.

You could be looking at a situation where this place isn't right for you, and it shows in this fashion.
You could be looking at a situation where this place is exactly right for you, and you are getting spiritual opposition from the enemy to prevent you from plugging in there.

Ok, I see what you mean now. But how will I know whether or not it's right for me? One reason I may be feeling some opposition to staying at his church is because when we go there, HE doesn't even seem to be that enthused about being there. But he says his heart is there (probably because he grew up in that church). Yet he doesn't really seem interested in serving (he used to serve in one of the ministries there, but not anymore), and doesn't seem to be growing there (I'm not trying to judge him or his spiritual growth, but he seems stagnant). And plus, it's kind of far to go when I'm not really into it in the first place.

Another reason I may be feeling opposition is b/c I miss my church - ALOT. I didn't think I would miss it so much, but I do. My bf definitely won't come to mine because he said they only preach messages to "tickle your ears." But when I was there, I felt God's presence and felt that I was growing. And the kids really liked it there too. And there were so many opportunities to serve, plus small group. Sorry for writing so much, I just feel kind of sad.

And I think the main reason I'm feeling resistance to staying in my bf's church is because his parents are there, and after service I feel like they are monitoring my bf's level of happiness in our relationship. For example, me and my bf got into some silly argument on Sunday morning because we were late for church, and he was still kind of upset after service. His mother noticed this, and called me this morning saying that my bf looked unhappy at church, and she was kind of prodding for the reason why. I understand her concern, but I don't always want to feel like I'm being watched and judged by her although she seems well intentioned. *sigh*
And she is still telling my bf that he's getting too serious with me, and should spend less time with me and the kids because she thinks he's getting too stressed out. She also told me that I'm under a generational curse b/c my grandmother, mother and me are divorced (she found this out by speaking to my mother when I had invited her to church last month), and says I need to break it, so she wants to pray with me this week. What do you think about this?

The pastor challenged us to examine our own lives for any idols we may have, and to surrender those idols. Nothing should come before our obedience to God.

You're very right. I spoke to my bf about wanting to be obedient to God and stop the overnights, and he said he was fine with it. I also told him that I want to get closer to God, and that I want to put Him first in our relationship. He was fine with that too. But he didn't seem to be as enthusiastic as I had hoped...

Thank you again for your words...I appreciate you all so much.

[SAM]

If you are walking through these challenges now, and you are not even married, does this not raise red flags?

The Holy Spirit sends us warning signs - do you see them?

Based on the latest post, I can point out at least six.

[nikki]

Very true...thank you.