Growthtrac Community

[rick_b]

Hi,
My wife (31) and I (32) have been married 5 years, and have an awesome 4 year old son. Our marriage has been rocky, but through the grace of God we are now in a place where our marriage is on its way to getting better each year. It wasn't until we both found Jesus that we were even aware of the amount of work marriage took. we just figured, if you find the right person, it should be easy! ha!

My wife is an only child and is happy with not having any more children. I however, would really like to have more. As you can imagine this can cause some conflict on our part. At our age, we are constantly bombarded with "so when is #2 coming along?" type questions. Not only are we not united on this, but when these questions arise, it is hard not to advertise this conflict between us. We are working on that though...

My hope is, do any of you know of a good book to read on this type of conflict. Have you heard any online sermons in regards to it? I pray every day that our hearts will be aligned (not favoring one side or another) and I have faith that the Lord will answer this prayer. However, I know that if he does answer this prayer, it might mean no more children for us, a concept that is hurtful to me right now.

Thanks!

[resecured]

rick_b,

I wonder if going online would get you the advice that you seek. Focus on the Family has a question area, maybe you could get an answer there.

Has your wife stated the reason why she doesn't want anymore children? I hope it is not her age that is a factor. I had my daughter at age 27, and because of losing a daughter 3 years later, it caused me not to have our son until I was 34. I was a little worried about being older with him but it has been wonderful.

Has your son said anything about wanting a sibling?

Praying for you both.

-RJ-

[rick_b]

Thanks RJ,
I have tried focus on the family, maybe a year or so ago, but didn't find too much. I even wrote to them but never really got a response. Maybe I have tapped into some niche market!

My wife is not concerned about age or health or anything, but things with our 4 year old are very comfortable right now. Many of our friends are having their 2nd and even 3rd children and she sees the struggle. She wants nothing to do with that. Our son is pretty independent in terms of daily care (compared to an infant or 1 or 2 year old). I think she is feeling content and comfortable.

The long range benefits either don't register with her, or just don't outweigh right now the short term sacrifices. I truthfully don't look at changing diapers and sleepless nights with great desire, but I know (or think) having a larger family would bring much happiness.

-rick

[rdsmith3]

Have you asked her, in a humble, non-judgmental way, if you could pray about it together to see what God wants you two to do?

I found an Albert Mohler commentary on couples who choose no children, but not anything on choosing just one child.

http://www.albertmohler.com/commentary_read.php?cdate=2004-06-28

[km]

I have found that responding to excessively personal questions with a gently delivered (big smile, light tone) "my, that's a rather personal question" and just moving on to some other topic is enough of a clue for most people to drop it.

In your situation, the dense ones who don't drop the subject and persist might be cut off with a simple, somewhat more terse "they arrive on their own schedule, don't they. it isn't exactly like setting a appointment with hte cable guy, is it?" might get them off of it (it somewhat implies that there may be fertility trouble or such - and really dense sorts will generally be put off from pursuing that line).