Growthtrac Community

[rosesweet]

My son in law told my husband he is still in love with old girlfriend. He & my daughter have been married for 7 yrs. & have a 2 yr. old son. My daughter does not know. My husband told him he needed to talk with his(son in laws) pastor or counselor to be accountable & then to tell his wife. He , my husband & I believe, is keeping a whole lot from her. They are both christians & are suppose to be going into missions work, this whole thing is not condusive for being a good missionary. Please be praying for them, I know this is going to hurt my daughter greatly as she does not think he would ever be unfaithful to her. Also pray for guidance for my husband as he is going to confront him about it to see if son in law has talked to anyone.

Many prayers are needed!

Ps for me also, I want to slap him upside the head and knock some sense into him but I know I can't, would be nice tho

[km]

Wait a second here - unfaithful?

He acknowledged still having feelings for an old girlfriend. Feelings are feelings, and what you've outlined here doesn't rise to the level of unfaithful. Has he said he doesn't love you daughter? That he is leaving her? That he has acted on his residual feelings for the old flame?

Unless there is more to it than you've laid out, this could just be a normal flare up of feelings for an old flame that will pass with a little time and focus on his wife. Don't create a marriage ender where it doesn't have to be.

[rdsmith3]

km

I hear you, but reading between the lines, who would tell his wife's father that he had feelings for another woman? The only answers I could come up with are:

1 - a complete fool
2 - someone who is really obsessed, and signalling a possible departure for said other woman

If it were just a passing fantasy, I cannot comprehend why a man would tell his wife's father something so hurtful to his wife.

[km]

rdsmith3 - I certainly see that as one possible angle here; he's decided he's gone and he's making his exit announcement.

It could also be seen as a cry for help from a fellow who wants to do right but is struggling with an obsession (or maybe some deep unresolved guilt?) as to the old flame.

It could be something else. Which is my point - based on what is told to us, we can't guage what is really going on.

[veggiemelt]

Maybe the son is just really close to the father in law and so he confided in him because the feelings were confusing. I think Rose said that they are missionaries, if someone is maybe really religious or completely in control of their moral thought, something like this could be really difficult. He might just feel really bad for even thinking about her even if it is just a passing crush. If I remember correctly, years 7-10 were where it started to get a little rough. Often little stuff in a marriage can make another person seem attractive and those feelings can be confusing. I think they should not make a big deal out of it. If he feels really bad, then he should just tell his wife that he feels a little distance has started to grow between them and he thinks that maybe they need to get back into a dating and having fun mode. I am sure his feelings will disappear pretty quickly once he gets his wife back into a setting where he can see the fun and excitement in her.

I think he could tell his wife that he has a little crush on someone, but I think he might have to make sure that he tells her when things are good between them and make sure that he says it with a light heart, more like a joke or making fun of himself for acting like a teenager, he would need to let her see that it is not anything serious or threatening.

I am giving him the benefit of the doubt here and saying, the guy is maybe just really innocent and honest and he wants to not cross any lines. Most of us have been through the momentary crush thing, it isn't anything that is really a big deal. It generally passes quickly and unless you were to dwell on it or start crossing moral lines with it, I think it is just something pretty normal.

[rdsmith3]

Maybe the son is just really close to the father in law and so he confided in him because the feelings were confusing.

I thought of that, too, but then I go back to my first option. If you need help and have to confide in someone, why go to the father of the person you are (potentially) hurting? There is no good way to say to your spouse that you have "feelings" for an old boyfriend/girlfriend. IMO, you would confide in someone else.

I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it is very difficult.

In any event, the son-in-law needs prayers that he will wake up and put his energy into his marriage and serving God, and the father-in-law needs prayers that he handles this the right way.

[rosesweet]

Ok, my son in law said he is still in love with his old girlfriend,not just has some feelings. I have thot 2 ways about it 1. he is seeking help where he doesn't think he'll be judged harshly,but will hear the truth. 2. he is hopeing we "break it" to her. I am thinking more toward the first one. I know he & they have been having problems, lots of stress in different ways. The main thing i am asking for is prayer for all of us, yes as her mother I want to knock some sense into him(maybe both of them), but mostly I am concerned about them as a couple & a family. They need much prayer & I have come to all of you for that. None of us truly know what is going on in his heart & soul, only God knows that. He being a man of faith gives me hope that the Holy Spirit can break thru to him & remind him of where is suppose to be as a husband & father.

Prayer lots of prayer.

God bless everyone of you! and again I thank you all for your honesty & insight.
"Rosie"

[tamm32]

Ps for me also, I want to slap him upside the head and knock some sense into him but I know I can't, would be nice tho

HAHA! Yes, I will pray for you because I would want to slap him upside his head too!

As I am sure you have, continue to pray for him, your daughter and your grandchild. Bind up a spirit of separation (leads to divorce). And loose God's spirit of healing and restoration.

If he has feelings for another woman he should have never gotten married in the first place BUT now that they are married the issues at hand must be dealth with. Its very important that he tells his wife - this keeps him accountable and exposes all hidden secrets - a place the enemy operates - Jesus does not. So once this is fully exposed and daughter knows, the healing and restoration can take place.

Pray also for his soul.

Be in peace!

[rosesweet]

Sad to say what I have to say. My son-in-law had a 1 nite "thing" with another woman,NOT the one he said he was in love with. They are getting help to try and work thru this. They need lots & lots of prayer, this has changed many things in their lives,many things. Please be saying loads of prayer for all of us, my grandson has been stressed by it a lot. They are trying to keep things as normal as possible for him but even @ 2 yrs those little buggers are perceptive. I love them all so much , there is just a lot of pain.

[rdsmith3]

So sorry to hear this. It must be very upsetting for the whole family.

I will pray.

[km]

My condolances, this makes things much more complicated. I wish them all the best in getting through this.

[rosesweet]

Thank you so much for your prayers. They are needed!

God bless each of you, you are a very special group of people

Again thank you.