Growthtrac Community

[AWJT]

HI I've been married 2 years with no kids and Im in Medical School. Often my household chores are not done in an efficent manner because of school. My husband feels as though Im using school as an excuse. I know the order of things should be GOD, family, work. Am I putting work before my family? How can I better manage my home when Im working 60+hours a week?

[km]

Is he also working 60+ hours a week and managing to do more of the housework?
[ This question comes from a man, by the way. ]
If he is also worked to death and taking on an inordinate amount of the housework, then he has a very legitimate beef. If his outside work plus house work is less than your load, then he really doesn't. That situation may signal that he has issues with you gettign the medical degree.



I am traditionalist enough to think that an ultimate marital pattern is best if the husband is the primary provider and the wife the primary homemaker. Notice that there are a number of qualifiers in there.

Best - there are other scenarios that may come into play where the couple have some out of the midpoit factors at play.

Ultimate - the best pattern may not be where a couple is at immediately; the pattern may be altered early (while academic acheievements are attained, or careers established) or late (as infirmaties catch up).

Primary - theer can be two careers and both invilved in homemaking, but one in each area has to be out front.


For a time, the ideal pattern may well be altered. Modern couples also have blended the two functions more than past generations (which is not necessarily bad, and can even be good - if the couple is both on the same page on things).

[SAM]

If you can afford a cleaning service every two weeks, then it is worth avoiding the arguments with your husband.
If not, then add housework to your calendar on a daily basis. Similar to your coursework, you have to plan it out on a calendar to achieve your goals. Housework doesn't have to be done in one day. Talking about this with your husband, and making a plan together where you can each contribute, might help solve the problems.

I'm fighting the same problem with being in school myself. It seems to be working out much better when we do housework a little bit each day - together. It's amazing how much you can get done in 15 minute increments! Yesterday, we were both home and I spent the day washing sheets, blankets, comforters, and towels inbetween studying. He washed the bathroom floors, and I cleaned the toilets. The day before that, I vacuumed and he dusted - took less than 15 minutes.