Growthtrac Community

[ladyt]

With the help of my ex, I have lost my dau temporarily. I say temporarily as I know God is a loving God and He will work this out in the end. I don't know when and it may not be in my life upon earth, but He will do something that will bring glory to Himself.

My teen lives with her dad and both use profanity against me and never want to communicate verbally or face-to-face. My dau has prohibited me from seeing my grandson and emailed me today saying I will have to take her to court for visitation all because I asked her could I get him this Friday after work and she did not respond so I emailed her. So when I spoke with her friend, all I asked was how she was and her friend said ok and that was it. Her friend told her that I asked about her and she blew up over that. OMG I told her no need for me to take her to court. Its her child and if God doesn't change her heart nothing else will. I pray that when my grandson is old enough, he'll want to come visit me. I don't understand her dad's compliance to all of this.


She took her 3 month old baby to the mall Friday at 1pm with no bottles, just to walk the mall and watch for boys. I went and picked the baby up at 5 pm. Her friend told me my dau had begun to yell at the baby to shut up. Well he was hungry and wet. Since her dad lives near the mall I went and got the formulas and the car seat base since she pulled up in a car with her friend and two guys and had the car seat just sitting between them. I have turned her in for neglect and while the baby gets a visit once a week, he is neglected most days while she lives with her dad.

Her dad is taking me to court for custody and has stopped paying child support on his own. Our dau will be 18 on Oct 9th. By the time we go to court it will be early Sept. What a waste of time, resources, gas and money. I am not fighting for custody. I will respect her desire to live with her dad where she can do whatever she wants when she wants. She can wear whatever she wants including wearing a tubeless dress to church!

She and her dad are very hostile towards me but I continue to remain calm but it hurts me to the very core of my heart. I told her I will leave them alone but the door was always open if she wanted to talk. I told my ex that I forgive him and will pray that his heart is cleanse from resentment and vindictiveness, He thinks the judge will order back child support from Father's Day forward because she and her son went to stay with him. The court order for him to pay me is still in effect and I still have sole custody until the judge changes it, if he changes it. All of their things are here and the baby's room and her room are full of their things.

I know this suffering is not in vain, so I will continue to look to Him and pray until the change comes. In the meantime I am rejoicing that He trust me with this trial.

[FaithHopeJoy]

LadyT

On reading your latest post, I felt deeply moved. Your faith and dignity shines through the brokenness. Keep on putting your trust in God - only He can work the miracle that will repair this heartbreaking situation.

You and your family are in my prayers.

FHJ

[ladyt]

Thank You FHJ. Prayer is all I know to do.

[km]

Your daughter appears to be bound and determined to drive her life over the cliff. When she does this (or does this often enough), she will eventually hit bottom. Many people simply don't turn around and straighten out until they have gotten all the way down. At that point, she is likely to look to the people who weren't along with her for the ride going over the cliff - like you. I sincerely and humbly pray that God see fit to grace her with an early end to this destructive ride, and that He should deign to spare your grandchild of the worst of its impacts.

[ladyt]

Thanks km,

I cannot deal with her and her dad. They are twins as far as their attitudes and even the words they speak. I try to talk to him about her behavior and all he does is turn it around where its about me. I'm not the one who had the affairs but he uses everything to show me my faults and blame me for everything that goes on, therefore we cannot discuss what's best for our daughter. This is CRAZY! If it were not happening to me, I would not believe anyone could go through this and be sane. I have decided to let go and not communicate with either of them. I can go see my grandson when he's at his other grands home.

[km]

A child turning his/her back on you is horrible pain (my son went through that with us). He hit bottom and turned his life around rather nicely. It can happen. Persevere with God, be steadfast and patient and let God work. It hurts so much, but there are things beyond your control.

[ladyt]

Yes it hurt sooo much but I can handle the suffering as I know to trust God most of the time and ask him to strengthen me in my areas of unbelief so that I may not grow weary.

[tamm32]

I am very sorry for your pain.

I havent read through all of your postings but I am just wondering: What has the Lord said to you about this situation? It seems this situation is hurting you and thats very understandable. It seems you're doing and giving it you're all. Remaining faithful, walking in love, bearing all things, hoping for all things. suffering long, etc. Have you considered by the direction of the Lord to step back? I know this is hard and it can only be done if the Lord has directed you to do so.

The enemy loves division, its one of the things he thrives off of. Especially in families. I know taking a step back will cause you to miss time and memories with your daughter and your grandson but it may be necessary....as the Lord leads you.

I also know its hard for you to step back because you will wonder of the care for them both. But trust God, if in fact he does lead you to step back. Because your daughter is in a very rebellious state and she cant receive what it is you're trying to give her - love and support. So, again, as the Lord leads you, it may be best to step back in love and in faith the God will keep His hand on her and your grandbaby and bring reconciliation to your family.

I will be praying for you. I expect things to change in the best way, for you, your daughter, grandson and daughter's father. I pray peace and God's will for you all.

God Bless.

[ladyt]

Praise God tamm32

I have decided to step back. It is hard, however I was lead to leave them be. I have a son also that is 25 yrs old, married and cheating on his wife, not paying attention to his other 2 kids from other relationships and using me only as a bank to bail him out of unpaid bills, tickets and car repairs. I have done that for years and recently he used my credit card for a $24.95 purchase w/o my approval. Yesterday I reported it as fraud and am disputing the *.

I am sadden that my children and my ex are in such a state of rebellion. My ex has been that way since our first year of marriage. After the emotional abuse and years of infidelity, God delivered me and although I am suffering from the abuse of my dau and ex, I have peace and am happy being single.

My children watched us and have taken on my ex ways. I use to ask God why they didn’t take up my ways, not any more. God has this and has shown me my fault. I needed to step back and stop trying to do His work. I limited HIs willingness to take care of my issue by stepping in front of Him. I have let go of it and to my surprise, I feel at peace about it.

I still get to see my grandson as his other grandmother calls me to let me know he's there and I stop over to see him. She also sends me pics via email, so does the baby's father whom I just reconciled with.

I know God is working things out. I know He is faithful. Thank you for sharing your insight. I appreciate it. God uses people to affect our lives and to do His will. Thank you soooo much for being obedient in speaking to me.

[rdsmith3]

LadyT

It is hard to step back and trust God, but that is what needs to be done. I have a prodigal son who has followed the ways of his mother, my ex-wife. He is dishonest and not accountable for his behaviors. We do not currently have a relationship. He needs to reconcile with God before he can be reconciled with me.

[ladyt]

Yes it is VERY hard, but I can endure until God does His work in them and in me.

Thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement.

[tamm32]

AMEN! Praise God!

Know the battle is not yours, its the Lord's.

Also, remember, in stepping back you must also release the situation to the Lord and no longer allow it to consume you. I am sure you will still remain concerned for them but continue to express this through prayer - always giving God the glory in advance for working all things out for you all's good.

I know its tough, but God knows best. And you're a strong woman! You can do it!

God Bless.

[ladyt]

I went to church tonight and saw them. It was tough for a minute but I was fine...enjoyed the sermon, "Surprising Grace". My dau walked swiftly in front of me keeping her head straight and the baby buried in her arms being careful that I did not see him. I did not say anything to her. I have been very busy and I will not allow them to consume me. God has given me the strenght to endure this and tis to shall pass. HIs Word will not return void. I thanked God for them being in church where the Word is being taught.

I went to a NFL 101 workshop for women last night at a local University and I really enjoyed it. Next Thurs I leave for NC for a women's retreat. I am involved with a wonderful bible study group that meet once a month. Work is so demanding right now the 40 hrs I do spend there.

God is so full of Grace ad Mercy. I could not have made it this far if it were not for Him.

Prayer changes things! There's no blessing without a battle sometimes.

[km]

I have trouble understanding how people go to church when in open defiance of Scripture.
I don't understand why church's have abdicated their discipline rle as to flagrant violators.

[ladyt]

I use to ask the same question, then I thought about the wheat growing with the weeds and about hardened hearts where we begin to not listen, but turn to our own desires.

So I just pray :

Psalm 139:23-24 (New International Version)

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.