Growthtrac Community

[ladyt]

My ex contacted me for the first time today over money. He paid child support in late May for June 1st. I sent our dau to visit my son in OK and he decided to stop * on check. Well the state had already deposited the money in my account so they are mandating that he pay them the money they deposited into my account. He texted me stating he wants me to pay that bill b/c I should not have taken the money out of my account.

He copied our dau on the text threatening to return her and baby to me. Then later apologized to her and statng he accidentally sent it to her although in the text msg he states "I have copied Sab in on this msg." My dau is concerned b/c when I went to drop things off last Weds he peeped out and then went got his gun before opening the door. I do not go inside when I do stop by. I ahve been there about 5 times but have stayed outside or on the 1st level. He lives on 3rd level. Today she shared that he told her that if I come by there for any reason he is going to hurt me. I told her I would not be coming by. She and I just started talking on Friday but that was short-lived after today. She sees his anger and he shares in his anger. I think she is afraid of him, however glad she is getting the attention she has longed for regardless if its negative.

Even if she wanted to see me or have me pick up the baby, her dad says no. He said no to me on bringing the baby's crib to his place after Children and Family Svcs mandated our dau to have a crib by this Friday. I dropped some things by his brother's house for the baby and the crib, however he refused to let our daughter bring the items home because I brought them over without asking him. This is so sad.

I will keep praying for hearts to be changed and for their salvation. I will not go to the apt for any reason. I don't want to be harmed by him. His anger is really rising to a new level to go and get a gun after seeing it was me bringing important mail for our dau. He's a controller and if he's not in control he goes crazy! I don't want the conflict to esculate. I want to go to heaven but I don't want to rush it.

God is on the throne and He will work it out.

[resecured]

Well, I was hoping to hear how wonderful your trip was. Gee whiz, woman, kind of takes the sail out of having had a great time to come home to that.

You are very wise not to go there. If anything is needed to be handled in anyway by you having to go over there, call for police protection. Extreme situations call for extreme measures.

I wonder how he will react at the court hearing coming up in Oct., right? Didn't you say that he will be surprised at the outcome of that hearing? I would let the judge know, somehow, of what he did concerning the gun situation. Let someone know. Your right this is a sad situation.

This may be the start of your daughter understanding alot about her father. After a while, even receiving negative attention wanes.

Hang in there. Love your ability to still show humor in this crazy time in your life.

How was your trip?

-RJ-

[km]

ladyt - You do display Job-like patience and perseverence for the rest of us. Bless you! Please stay strong (even when you don't internally feel it).

[ladyt]

Well since I am not sending him money to care for her and baby in his one bedroom apt, he says he is droppimg her back to me because I should be paying twice the amount I am paying him. Its all about money for him.

Nevertheless my trip was great. Well on my wy out to a seminar...will be back in 2 hrs.

[SAM]

So sorry to hear this is taking place.

I agree, do not go to his place without a police escort.

[ladyt]

I will not be going there at all. She has not contacted me and our last conversation was that she wanted to stay with her dad bc he allows her to stay out until midnight and allow her to hang with male and female and spend the night away. She forgets she has a baby.

The doctor made her place the baby back on the preemie formula on Monday. She had taken him off and palced him on some other formula.

My ex texted me Weds with these 3 itemized demands to be done by Fri:

1.

I want that 450.

. He's talking about when the child spt ck he tried to stop * on in May. The state paid me now they want him to pay them back. He says since I sent my dau to OK, I was not suppose to get that money so I shloud pay. I'm not paying.
2.

Write letter stating you no longer need my child support.

I planned to do this when she turned 18 and not before. Our decree states until she graduates from HS in 2010.
3.

Copy of the 9 pg answer you sent to court.

I provided him with it a month ago. In his state of mind if I gave it to him again that would tip him over with anger due to what I said and had evidence attached.

If you do not have this done by Friday I will drop her and the baby back to you on Sat.

She does not want to come back and it would not be good for her to return with her anger issues. He stated he wanted $900 a month from me. I don't have that kind of money! Also until I am court-ordered, I'm not worried. I did called the Child Spt office and they told me he is court-ordered to pay and is in arrears. I put money in her account and buy for the baby. He wants me to basically pay his rent in his 1 bedroom apt. She and the baby have their own room here.

I am considering moving from here. Every week its something. Thank God for mercy and grace.

[resecured]

Seeing as how she wants to stay with her dad (because of freedoms), I wonder what her reaction would be towards him when he tells her she must go back and live with you. Would she know that it is all because of money to him? Question? Who takes care of the baby when she is out and about till the early morning?

I do not blame you for wanting a fresh new start. There does come a time when you need to think about yourself. Your sanity, your health. You have been incredibly strong in an almost impossible situation. Not totally impossible because God is there with you.

Once the Oct. court date, will you no longer have a reason to ever have to deal with your ex?

-RJ-

[SAM]

I am considering moving from here. Every week its something.

Interesting you say this, as I was praying for you yesterday, this exact thought came to mind ... she needs to remove herself from this and get a fresh start.

[ladyt]

After the court date I will not have to deal with him. Its just hurts that we have a grandson right here in our mist and we have to be estranged. We attend the same church and love my pastor but I may have to move my membership but I ahve to be led by God to do this.

I told my dau when her dad first threatened to bring her back that he was saying he would bring her back and did she know why. She said no. So I told her that he will bring her back unless I give him money. She did not repond but I told her.

When she's out the baby is with his paternal grandmother, who drops everything when my dau asks can she keep the baby.

I need to not answer them when they call or text. I will wait on the custody court date. Should he bring her back on Sat, I will choose my battles carefully. I will also take her apt hunting so in 2.5 months when she turns 18, she can be ready to move out if she wants to still be disrepectful and defiant. I will not go to jail again! Satan is a liar.

God has kept me all this time but I do get weary every now and then because its soooo MUCH to deal with at times.

[ladyt]

They're back!!

My ex dropped our daughter and grandson back on Sat.

He will move into his ouse in Nov and have promised our daughter she can move in then until Jan 2010 when his lease is up. He will pay 75% of the rent.

He's setting her up for failure. A 12th grader in their own apt and expect to go to school daily and not have all kinds of visitors spending the night, etc.

Nov isn't here yet. So pray that God intervenes. She needs supervision and needs to complete high school.

[km]

What is she thinking as to dad dropping her back off with you?

She was all high on him when she was there and he was going along with her whims. Now, he's tossed her back to you. How is she processing this?

[SAM]

Praying, praying, praying for you... and her, and your grandson.
And, your ex-husband. This has to be so devastating to her that her father has dumped her back at your doorstep.

Is it possible for Family Services to require that all three of you sit down with a mediator?

[ladyt]

Well before she came I asked if she was ok with her dad dropping her back here and she said yes. I think because of his offer to her for Nov, she has forgiven him. It doesn't take much for her to forgive him.

He just dropped her and the baby off after taking her to an 2 pm appt. I'm sure if it were me she would not speak to me until Jesus returned.

He has not explained to her why he dropped her back off.

She is asking me to take her here and there. Trying not to feel used.

I have asked can we be court-ordered for a sit down discussion with a mediator but this is low priority I guess. It may come about at the custody hearing in Sept.

[resecured]

Just wondering how things were going? I know it must be wonderful though to have your grandson close. I think a meeting with a mediator would be an excellent idea. I just wonder what happens if his plans for her come Nov. fall through. Keep strong!!!!!!

-RJ-

[ladyt]

My dau and grandson returned on Sat as my ex warned. Things have been ok so far. It seems when she is on the phone with someone or someone is here she tries to take a stab of disrespect towards me, however I choose not to entangle myself into her trap. She eventually sees I am not taking the bait and returns to normal.

Her dad told her to have me pay $15 of her phone bill since he would pay $35. Well I just bought formula and pampers and don't have $15 to give towards cell ph bill. Her dad has stop giving me child support. Besides when I sent her to OK, I did not ask that he pay for any part of the airfare going or returning. I asked him about helping pay baby's medical bill but it was denied. I paid it by myself.

I think she is enjoying being back in her own room and the baby in his. She has been cleaning and even kissed me on the cheek last night. I help with the baby in the evenings.
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Meanwhile my 25 yr old son has left his wife b/c he needs space and is asking me for the 2nd time this year to catch up his car note in the amount of $710. He is also behind 2 mos on the rent in the amt of $1200.

He received a bonus 1.5 yrs ago for $7K and refused to help me get my car out of the shop ($832) or pay me $1500 of the $3k he owes me and promised to pay me back. When I call or text and he claims his phone is messed up, however when he needs me he blows my phone up and texts until he gets what he needs. Then he's back to doing the things he should not be doing. If it’s not one thing its TWO! But God is able to see me through and I am praising Him for what he's already done and what He is going to do.