Growthtrac Community

[veggiemelt]

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[SAM]

Great post - thank you for bringing it to the forefront.

As women, how do we get to a point that this is a dirty little secret? That God does not allow us to find pleasure in our own bodies and with our husbands?

[veggiemelt]

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[SAM]

I discovered - many years ago - that I had to show my husband and teach him what was pleasurable to me. I had to verbalize when he was on the right track, and tell him when he was not. He didn't "just know" what he needed to do. It is not instinctual for men to know a woman's body. I am blessed that he was an eager learner, not offended in any way, or upset with me because I was guiding him in what I needed for our mutual pleasure. His machismo did not get out of whack, he did not become defensive, he did not discount anything I said as silly or stupid... he chose to lovingly learn. And... that is what makes all the difference in the bedroom to a woman.

Now, as for me as a woman, I also had to learn what pleased my husband. I did not just know. He had to show me. I had to be a willing participant. I couldn't sit there and say, "Yew, that's gross!" It's rather amazing, that over time, some things that I wasn't too sure about at first, became fun. Some things, I had to verbalize, and say, "can we put a hold on this for a little bit, as I'm uncomfortable with it right now. But, I'm willing to try again another time." I made a point of keeping my promise of "trying again another time."

Because his heart was in the right place, and he was eager to please me, this is what built the bond of physical and spiritual oneness between us. We lay in each other's arms and thank God for his goodness and the gift of sex.

I consider myself extremely blessed, as I have way too many women friends, who are unable to experience this with their husbands out of the shame you speak of. Or, because hearts are not in the right place in their marriage. A willing, giving, sacrificial heart is absolutely necessary. This gift God has given us is not for our own pleasure. Remember... it is a gift you give to your spouse. Gifts are freely given, they are not withheld.

[veggiemelt]

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[SAM]

We learn to become a partner rather then a participant.

I like that.

[octobermom09]

There are many many times that I cannot express to my own husband what is pleasurable to me simply because I do not know. I was taught as a child that touching myself and learning about my sexuality in any form (engaging or even thinking of it) were wrong and I learned to force sexual thoughts or urges away as soon as I got them. It was because of this (I apologize if this is too much information, but it proves my point) that I only recently discovered, after nearly 20 years of life, that my urethra and clitoris are switched in their positions and has been a severe inhibitor of my sex life. (Nothing else was wrong, I am able to have successful pregnancies as I am expecting now) It is really a problem with society and it NEEDS to be changed.

I am expecting a girl now and I believe that I will explain to her about her body and allow her to explore herself (as long as she keeps it strictly as such, you all know what I am meaning). I do not want her to be like me...