Growthtrac Community

[resecured]

Jeannie,

I noticed you talked about reaching out to someone who wanted to know Christ and it had back fired badly. Then you mentioned that that is where things started to not make sense. Do you maybe feel a little mad at God for it not working out? It's ok to be mad at Him. He's big enough to understand when we don't. I can honestly say that I was mad at God not that long ago. I couldn't understand why all this stuff had happened to me when I felt I did not deserve any of it. That I've tried all my life to live according to His Word and yet He hadn't warned me of what was happening. You're right, God can seem so distant. This frame of mind puts a negative spin on everything. Old satan is crafty. He wants us to believe that God has left us, in truth, we left Him. The one thing I can tell you is that He is definitely still there.

It's good that you are seeking Him. Find time for just you and Him. I had to go be myself and tell God that I was angry and why. I mean, I was able to really get it out of my system. Once I did that, I felt some peace return within myself. It was such a wonderful feeling to seem sane again. It's so hard living with such turmoil raging inside you. You don't even have to feel rage in and of itself. It can make you feel numb toward everything around you. The minute I released my anger, I felt such a calmness come over me. I immediately asked for forgiveness and now I see clearly.

I'm not sure if that is where you are with all that is going on within you. I am just praying that you find the peace that you need.

Love you, dear sister,

-RJ-

[j3anjean]

RD- Thanks for asking about my son. I have been fairly impressed with hims so far this school year. He has had a lot on his plate and he has really matured and grown. He just turned 16 and I am starting to see glimpses of the man he will be.
It has been a BAD week for him. Just after 2am on Wednesday morning, my husband was toned out for a structure fire. He and his fire fighters did everything they could, but a family of 3 died. The daughter was my son's friend/classmate. It was such a shock. She was a well liked-well known girl and the whole community is grieving for the loss of this family. My son also had to deal with several students who came to him and said, "Why didn't your dad try harder?" They have NO idea how hard they all worked and how aggressive they were to get in. The FD arrived on scene 2 minutes -120 seconds after dispatch. The family was already gone when they got there. Smoke inhalation. It has just been traumatic. The school has grief counselors and I asked my son if he would like to talk to them or someone else. He really opened up to me. It has just been tragic for the whole community. Tonight is the homecoming parade and game. The kids are planning some sort of memorial.

RJ-you are so perceptive. I have opened up on here before and when I became a Christian 4 and a half years ago I was so gung ho. I sang the praises of God and held up my "restored" marriage as a banner. (Sort of like those carboard testimonies you see on the internet) Then I found out that my husband was having another affair and I hit a speed bump. But I got back on track. I glorified God. He had used even that situation to bring my husband back to him. Hoorah.

I sang the praises of the Lord. He had saved me from drug addiction and I asked Him to use me as He saw fit for other's who were suffering and lost. Out of nowhere, this woman drops into my life. We talked and I shared my testimony with her and she began coming to church. Eventually she confessed an alcohol addiction. Oh! How we prayed together for healing and strength. The church rallied around this family. Her husband works in another state and can only be home on the weekends. One night he called me frantic. She was drunk/high and had been beaten and was suicidal. Another couple of friends from church came with me. We got her into crisis rehabilitation. We provided a safe place for her children. Her son (12) lived with me and her daughter (2) lived with a lady from church - so that dad could go back to work. A month later she returned home and came forward in church. It was beautiful-until 2 days later she was putting the kids in compromising conditions. Drug dealers, left alone all night. She received a DUI and went to jail. We prayed and the kids continued to stay with me. She got out of jail and picked up her daughter and got into a DUI wreck - now she was facing child endangerment *. I prayed with her in jail. Our congregation cared for this family. She got out 4 weeks later and said she was going back to rehab. That didn't happen.

I heard this woman beg God for healing. I prayed with her so many times! I felt God telling me that I had to stop rescuing her and that He was in control. I had this really amazing prayer experience where I just felt like God was comforting me and letting me know that He is sovereign.

Her kids lived with me for 6 months. Now they are living with cousins in Chicago in a very dangerous neighborhood. There was a murder in the alley by their house the week that they moved there. She cut off her tether and has a warrant out for her arrest. She may be with her drug &. Who knows. Her husband prayed so hard for the restoration of their marriage is losing his job (time missed from work) and may lose their home.

I feel like everything I have lifted up to God has come back opposite and ugly. I am scared - more than angry. I pray a lot but I can't ask God for anything anymore. I am afraid to pray for my family's well being - lest I lose them. I am afraid to go to Him for help with my marriage - or I may get another affair. I know God has his own timing and he is perfect in all things-I just feel like it may be better not to lean on Him. I am scared if I do, things may get worse.

[SAM]

I am scared - more than angry. I pray a lot but I can't ask God for anything anymore. I am afraid to pray for my family's well being - lest I lose them. I am afraid to go to Him for help with my marriage - or I may get another affair. I know God has his own timing and he is perfect in all things-I just feel like it may be better not to lean on Him. I am scared if I do, things may get worse.

Jeannie, it appears that you have become immobilized by fear, which can do all kinds of harmful things to you - emotionally and physically. It explains a lot about the place that you find yourself in. Perhaps it is time to talk with a pastor or a counselor who can help you through this period in your life.

Our Heavenly Father, in His infinite wisdom, provides the words "fear not" 365 times throughout the Bible - one for everyday of the year. He clearly understands us well.

Max Lucado has a new book out called Fearless - Imagine Living Your Life Without Fear. I pray the attached article will be helpful to you. The book is excellent!
http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publis ... d-1251.php

Imagine your life, wholly untouched by angst. What if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats? If you could hover a fear magnet over your heart and extract every last shaving of dread, insecurity, or doubt, what would remain? Envision a day, just one day, absent the dread of failure, rejection, or calamity. Can you imagine a life with no fear?

[charity1]

Jeannie,
I am so sorry you feel God has let you down. I can see why you feel that way though. As has been mentioned on this forum several times before, God's timing is not our timing. We want things to happen right now, but since humans have free will, they determine whether or not they will ever change. God is not going to force any of us to make our lives right with him. We have to choose that. I know of a lady who had every opportunity to make her life right, but ended up dying drunk in a car accident. It was so tragic, but basically her salvation was up to her. She has a son that is now following in her footsteps and could very well end up like she did, if he doesn't change his ways. I can only assume that God knew she would never change no matter how long he gave her.

I have mentioned my alcoholic brother before. It took several near-death experiences to finally get his attention. He not only almost killed himself but also another person in a traffic accident. I can remember as a child getting up during the night and seeing my mother on her knees crying and praying. That went on for years. I prayed for my brother for 30 years myself. He finally has come back to the Lord. Unfortunately my dad didn't live to see it, but thankfully my mom did, but just barely. My brother and I just talked about that the other night. He said he was a very slow learner. That was a major understatement! He said he can think of at least seven instances off the top of his head in which he could have easily died in his sins. We can't blame God for the bad decisions we make in our life. God has given us simple instructions, and when we fail to follow those, there will be consequences. Unfortunately others can be hurt as a result of our bad choices. God never said life was fair. He just said he would be there for us to help us through it as long as we remain faithful to him. If you go back and read the Old Testament, as long as the Israelites were faithful to him, they were blessed, but when they turned their backs on him, things got rough. That happens today as well. Our husbands turned their backs on God, and we got hurt as a result of that. Your friend turned her back on God, and her husband and children got hurt as a result of that. People get hurt as a result of sin, not because God is uncaring or mean. We have to keep that in perspective. God has promised to never leave us or forsake us, but that is assuming we don't leave or forsake Him. He is a just God. Don't give up on your friend. One day is as a thousand years to God. 30 years seemed like an eternity to me, but seeing my brother today was well worth the wait! He is very thankful God allowed him to live long enough to wise up. Pray that your friend wises up too before it's too late. I know how badly it hurts to watch her destroying hers and her families lives, but you can't stop her. She is the only person who can control her actions. She prayed for healing, but there had to be a change of heart involved before that healing could actually take place. A person can't keep one hand on God and the other on their sin. We have to give ourselves over to God totally before true healing can take place.

You are a perfect example of answered prayers. You know for a fact it works, but in order for you to overcome the habits and trials in your life, you had to first have the desire and determination to do it, along with a change of heart and then God helped you succeed. Your friend also has to have the desire and determination and change of heart before God can help her.

I felt God telling me that I had to stop rescuing her and that He was in control. I had this really amazing prayer experience where I just felt like God was comforting me and letting me know that He is sovereign.

It sounds like God is listening and answering. Read that statement again. You have your answer.

There was a sign on a church building I read recently that said, "Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death." Hang in there, Jeannie, God is still there. You can trust Him.

[j3anjean]

Charity, Sam, I know you are both correct. I have been letting my frustration and my fear fester and take over my whole perspective. Satan has really gotten the lock on my insecurities.
1. I fail. At being a good enough wife. At being a friend. At being a Christian. At knowing God's plan for me.
2. Trust. Trusting that God is enough. His grace, His goodness is enought and even when people let me down I can trust that He won't.

Satan knows that insecurity and trust are my two biggest weak spots and that "friendship" caused me to doubt what I know.

This past Friday I just sort of collapsed. I was tired and empty. My husband was trying to talk to me. It was cold and rainy and such a terrible week. He was stressed and I was depressed and we were just standing in the rain trying and failing to connect. That night, after a really good cry and a really honest prayer that God just help my heart to soften, I told my husband why I was such a wreck-why I had so much fear and doubt. That it had all started with reaching out to that woman and it going badly. He said a lot of the same things you did, Charity, and I stopped arguing and listened. He told me that we may never know the seed that was planted in that family-in those kids or in others but that God has been faithful. God has been there for me. I cannot let the shortcomings of myself or other's influence my perspective on God's goodness.

I felt God telling me that I had to stop rescuing her and that He was in control. I had this really amazing prayer experience where I just felt like God was comforting me and letting me know that He is sovereign.

I had been seething inside. I felt like God misled me but He didn't. He is sovereign. He didn't force me to come to Him and He isn't going to force anyone else. I had assumed that meant that my friend would turn her life over to God. Repent. Take care of her children. That isn't what that meant at all. It just meant that God being God does not depend on her choices or my choices or any of our choices. We don't make Him God. He is God. I was so stubborn and upset that I missed that point. For months. It is just starting to become clear again and I feel like a fog is lifting.

I'm not 100% yet but I finally feel like I can breathe. I am going to spend this week praying and reading scripture and trying to regain what I lost. Please keep me in prayer. I am feeling that I am at the beginning again but know my weak spots are still so vulnerable. Thanks, all.

[SAM]

So very grateful to hear the fog is lifting...

Praying for clearer days filled with the knowledge of God's love, goodness, and care for you.

[FaithHopeJoy]

Jeannie, dear sister - you asked:

Please keep me in prayer.

Since you opened your heart to us here, you've never been out of my prayers It's a joy and a privilege to ask God to take special care of you through the valley days as well as in the good times.

Sending you a virtual hug, too!

FHJ

[FaithHopeJoy]

Still praying for you, Jeannie. My specific prayer for you today is that you find contentment in your current circumstances; that God will meet you at your point of need and replace your feelings of emptiness with a sense of purpose; replace your disappointment with joy; replace your loneliness with true fellowship and leave you feeling positive again as He reveals the true blessings He still has in store for you.

God bless you, dear sister.

FHJ

[j3anjean]

Thank you, FHJ. This Sunday one of the elders of the church asked me how that "friend" was doing. I filled him in a bit. I explained the frustration and sorrow it had caused. He helped me understand some things and encouraged me to stay close to God and not back away from the challanges I come across. I appreciate the prayers and concern and I can't really explain how, but my spirit has certainly been lifted this past week. I wonder if maybe I just needed to vent-get all of those poisonous thoughts out of my head so that frields, like you and Sam and others on this board, my husband, the elder from church can set me back up straight again. The longer I held all of it in my head, the more toxic it was. What a blessing this board is! Thanks!

[SAM]

Grateful God has cleared your thoughts and provided some peace.

[FaithHopeJoy]

It's good to get an update from you, Jeannie. What a great encouragement to all of us about the power of prayer. God bless you.

FHJ

[resecured]

Atta girl!!!!!!! We, your Growthtrac family, certainly know that venting is good for healing. If we could only learn to "let go and let God" alot quicker, oh how our journey would be ever so smoother.

So glad you are more at peace within.

-RJ-