Growthtrac Community

[j3anjean]

Hey,
Wow. It has been a long time since I have visited these forums. I was sitting at work, between audits and pulled up the link to the forums. I read over a couple of posts. I was touched to see my name mentioned and to read that I have been prayed over. Thank you all so much. I took a necessary break from posting. I was struggling with a sense of being stuck. I felt like I was clinging to some old hurts and not moving forward and for a time, I had to move away from it all. I have missed talking and receiving wisdom from many of you.

My husband and I renewed our vows in July in front of family and friends. It went very well. We are continuing to grow together and our marriage is strong. I love him very much.

I wanted to stop in, say hello and see how everyone was doing. I hope to "visit" here more often.

Love and prayers,
Jeannie

[FaithHopeJoy]

Wow, Jeannie - great to hear from you Your update is a genuine answer to prayer. Dear sister, you have been missed.... but I totally understand your sensation of being 'stuck' and your need to distance from old hurts.

What wonderful news that your vow renewal was such a positive experience and that your marriage is going from strength to strength. Praise the Lord.

God bless you both.

FHJ

[SAM]

So good to hear from you. God is the amazing healer. Yeah God for his miracles in your marriage.

[rdsmith3]

Welcome back. We missed your contributions.

[km]

I'm glad to hear you're well.

I always get a little concerned when a regular drops off for a while - without saying so beforehand or little updates now and then. It is good to see that things have been generally moving positively for you.

[charity1]

Jeannie,
It is so great to hear from you! I have really missed your wisdom and strength on this forum but totally understand the need to get away for a while. I am so happy you and your husband are doing well.

[j3anjean]

Thank you all so much! God bless you! Please know that even while I was "gone" I continued to pray for each of you. I'm glad to be back....

[resecured]

Jeannie,

Same here on the continuing of prayers your way. It is good to have you back but understand your reason(s) for a hiatus. Sure missed your words of encouragement and wisdom that's for sure.

-RJ-

[j3anjean]

well.....

I wasn't entirely honest. The reason I am back at GT is for more advice or maybe just a kick in the pants. I just am not the same person anymore. I miss .... me. If that makes any sense. I looked back at my posts and saw where I just started to veer off there at the end.
This has been a rough summer or just a rough year. Too many things to go in to deeply.
I seem to have lost something vibrant and alive in myself. I am numb to my work, my marriage, my life, even to God. I can't seem to get out of it. What happened to me? I go through the motions and usually with a smile but more than one person has come to me and asked me what happened. What changed?
Even in the midst of all of my troubles I felt like God was with me. Now I just feel like I am stumbling along. I know he didn't break the connection. So, I must have. I just don't know how. The more I tried to pray about it, the more I saw how far I was and how empty I sounded. My prayers sounded like I was calling them out in an empty warehouse. And the echo I heard back was a sure sign that I was alone.
This summer I went and helped out at church camp for high school week. I could not believe how hard and cynical my heart had become. I had just closed myself off. I really "recognized" it there. I don't know what to do about it. Maybe I should post this under prayer requests since I am sure that since I have no idea what is wrong with me, no one will be able to point me in the right direction. Just pray, I guess.

[km]

j - Looking through the Psalms, we sometimes see David down in that "not feeling it" mode or raging in anger. It happens to us all here and there. If you persevere, it will pass (eventually). Taking time away to recharge or refocus is sometimes necessary (Jesus went off alone to pray periodically, no?). Sometimes you need a break, sometimes you need to go in new directions. Sometimes you just get a little "down" and have to wait it out.

Hang in. Listen for the still small voice. Remember there are people pulling ofr you, and available to you.

[resecured]

Jeannie,

I call it being "plateaued". I was where you are for quite a while. What helped me was FINALLY realizing that satan had my past with my husband but I can have the future if I choose. Not only do we have to choose to forgive them for betraying us, we have to forgive them for us not being "us" anymore. I liked that me that I was. It's hard not to be angry for losing that person. It's true, betrayed people are never the same again. Honestly though, we can come out of this a much stronger person inside. I can honestly say that I like not being stone-walled. I made the choice to live my life as stress-free as I can. Will I totally forget? No way!!!!!! I'm just having to find the new me. One that can live with what has been done to the point that I don't feel empty inside anymore. You were right too, that when you feel alone, it's us, not God.

So many of you have pointed out that we can not do anything about what is in our past. What hurts is that we didn't do this to ourselves. The one who professed to love us, our best friends, did this. It's hard to accept it when someone else has affected our lives in such a way that we had no chance to voice our opinion or have a chance to stop any of it in any way.

I know, dear friend, what you are facing. For me, I couldn't hear anyone about really letting it go. I had to get to the point that I was just so tired of being miserable. I had to go in a direction. Either continue spiraling downward, or look up. I also had to admit that I was mad at God for allowing this in my life. That was part of it also, for me anyway. When I became honest with myself about what was truly bothering me, I could then find peace. I know that I will have to get up everyday and chose to find peace. From what I hear from Charity, seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, days into months, months into years. Time. It becomes our friend in the long run. We just have to be willing to accept our lives as they are right now. We will be much happier for doing it.

I came across this the other day.

"People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
Elizabeth Kubler Ross

When we finally, truly allow the darkness to pass, we will sparkle like a gem that goes through the fire. Remember, we are going to be like refined gold. When we stand before the Lord, HE will reward us for doing what HE has asked us to do. HE knows it's not easy, but in forgiving and living as happy and peaceful as we can, ultimately, WE WIN!!!!!!!!!

I am praying for you, Jeannie.

-RJ-

[SAM]

We were never meant to stay the same.

God has to shape us and mold us. Sometimes we are soft and piable and willing to be used. Other times, we are hard as rock with a few cracks that are causing leaks. It's when those cracks and leaks appear that He usually wants to reshape us and a struggle ensues. His hands are always loving, guiding, and molding us into something amazing, but it's really hard to let go and allow him to make us into something new. We want to hold on to what's comfortable... what doesn't require effort.

There is a beautiful song by Hillsongs (Darlene Zschech) called The Potter's Hand -
Hopefully you can listen to it on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmWafMJO ... r_embedded

Here's the lyrics -

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands, crafted
into your perfect plan
You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Chorus:
Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gently call me into your presence guiding me by your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through your eyes
I'm captured by your Holy calling
set me apart, I know your drawing me to yourself
lead me Lord I pray

Chorus:
Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

[j3anjean]

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.

Don't know what else to say so I will leave it at that.

[rdsmith3]

I'm not quite sure what to say to you, either, but by "coincidence" I came across this today, and I thought I would pass it along.

Author: Woodrow Kroll
Scripture Reference: John 21:1-25

Come and Dine


But when the morning was now come, Jesus stood on the shore: but the disciples knew not that it was Jesus.

Have you ever noticed that the most difficult time to serve the Lord is immediately after a defeat in your life? When we are on a spiritual high, serving the Lord comes almost naturally. But when we experience the roller-coaster ride to the depths of despair after some spiritual tragedy, we have a tendency to become complacent. While activity tends to produce additional activity, inactivity also reproduces itself.

The popularity of Jesus Christ had been building throughout His earthly ministry. Thousands of people followed Him through the hills of Galilee, watching His miracles and listening to His teachings. The disciples had become an intimate group, well known for their association with Jesus. As His popularity grew, so did their own.

The culmination of their intimate relationship with the Lord came the night of His betrayal. He had gathered the disciples in the upper room to keep the Passover. They were all there. They ate with the Lord, prayed with Him, sang hymns with Him, pledged their loyalty to Him. Around this meal, the institution of the Lord's supper, the disciples reached a spiritual high. Their heightened spirits, however, were soon to be dashed. Jesus was led away from the garden, He endured a cruel and illegal trial, and the disciples were dispersed. Even though Jesus again and again had told them that He must suffer the cruelty of the cross, the disciples still did not assimilate this tenet of His teaching. With His death and burial the disciples' balloon had burst. Even the resurrection of the Lord and the immediate post-resurrection appearances did not do much to reassure the disciples.

As instructed by the Lord Himself, the disciples returned to Galilee. Their meeting with Jesus on the mountain of Galilee, where He had appointed them, must have been subsequent to the account of our Scripture for today. Seven of the apostles had returned to their vocation as fishermen. How easy it was to be a follower of the Lord when He was present; how easy it was to return to their occupation in His absence.

It was Peter who first suggested that he would go fishing. This does not necessarily imply that he intended to renounce his apostleship in favor of the fishing trade. This is what he knew best; this is what he would do until the Lord commanded him otherwise. Hence Peter and the others entered into a ship and fished all night, but caught nothing. How could this be? Had they lost the knack of fishing during their years with the Messiah? Why were they so unsuccessful at a business in which they had been extremely successful before Jesus called them to discipleship? Throughout the night they fished without any success at all.

"But when the morning was now come, Jesus stood on the shore" (John 21:4). For some providential reason the disciples did not recognize the stranger standing on the shore. As He called to them and inquired how successful they had been, they had to answer that they were extremely unsuccessful in fishing that night. It was the resurrected Lord, keeping His rendezvous with them in Galilee. But they did not recognize this until He commanded them to cast their nets on the other side of the ship. This was reminiscent of a similar but earlier command of the Lord with the same result (Luke 5:1-11).

When the disciples had hauled in an incredible number of fish, they came to the shore at Jesus' invitation to "Come and dine" (John 21:12). It was almost as if the Lord was reigniting the fire of intimacy and love that had cooled since their last supper together. Jesus Christ did not want His disciple band to become complacent, for complacency is kin to disobedience.

After we have once served the Lord well and lived in intimate relationship with Him, it is easy to become complacent, to drift from Him and not to sit at His table. However, the Lord calls to each of us to "come and dine"; and if we are to be an effective and useful tool in the Master's hand, we must find our feet under His table frequently.

[j3anjean]

Thank you so much. It has been a hard couple of months. I know this sounds harsh but when my husband and I are overcoming something bad (like infidelities) we seem to be in this honeymoon phase. We are fighting for each other. We are working on our relationship with God and with one another. We are rockin & rollin Everything seems possible and God seems so near. Oh, we are all about forgiveness and grace. As the months pass we tend to grow a bit complacent. We spend less time with each other and in prayer. We just sort of drift along. We get busy with the kids and jobs and life.

When new struggles come along we tend to not stand together. It is terribly complicated, but a friend at church sort of fell off the wagon. We tried to help her and we ended up having her son live with us for 5-6 months. She was in and out of jail. It was just messy and stressful. The situation is not resolved but the kids are safely with their father and we had to let go until she is willing to come back.

We debated about that vow renewal up until the day before the ceremony. It just didn't feel right. The honeymoon was over before it even started. After the ceremony I had hoped we would reconnect. We had so many family members staying with us. (16 additions folks off and on thru the month of July) We had camp for the kids. We were just swamped and busy. I blamed the lack of connection on that. I blamed my husband's increasing absence on the stress at home. This past week my kids have been in Florida visiting family. I had suggested that even though money was tight we could use that time to sort of fall in love again That didn't happen and I guess I over reacted. I just felt like giving up.

I worry. I hate that my relationship with my husband is so closely correlated with my relationship with God. I hate that I have let both slide. I hate that the only time I seem to get close to God is in the wake of some marital tragedy. I hate that my husband's indescretions have wrecked the way I see myself. I hate that trust is so hard to get to. I get angry and depressed and I sort of shut down. I lose "me" I am hopeful that actually venting these feeling will give me a chance to work through them. I am appreciative of the words you have posted for me. The article did touch a nerve, RD.

At camp, the theme was God's neverending pursuit of us. I am trying to see that in my life. I know God does not give up on us. I know he wants me to draw closer to Him. I know it, but I don't feel it. I am working on that.

God bless you all. Thanks