by Ask yourself if you are having the following feelings besides this one particular issue -
You've lost interest in each other.
You feel bored with each other.
There's a lack of communication; one or both of you chooses not to listen.
You seem to have little in common.
You've thought of divorce.
You no longer compromise, there's a lack of flexibility.
You find yourself making family decisions alone.
You have no desire for physical touch of any kind.
Your relationship with other people are more intimate that your relationship with your spouse.
You are putting your individual interests or hobbies before the good of the marriage.
You avoid each other.
One or both of you is irritable or sarcastic.
You find yourself having increased health problems - headaches, back pain, sleeplessness, recurring colds, and emotional ups and downs.
If you have been in counseling, and things improve for a time, then go back to the same old ways - that is very telling. It means he is capable of changing but chooses not to make it a permanent change. What do you think it would take to get through to him? A new counselor? A marriage intensives program?
But if I try to share something from my heart, he often won't even reply.
No reply? Dead silence... a blank stare... looking at the ceiling? Why does he get angry when you bring this topic up?
What is his response when you tell him it would mean the world to you for him to take interest in your life, activities, friends, etc.?
After questioning him quite a bit about that time in his life, I could tell he hadn't really listened to her either. When I would ask specific questions about some personal things in her life (I knew her too), he didn't even know the answers. That was a little bit of comfort. It wasn't that he thought that much of her, he just liked the way she made him feel about himself, and he acknowledges that. He tries a lot harder to focus on what I am saying now that we are rebuilding our marriage, but I still catch him looking like he couldn't care less what I am saying. The fact that your husband has been willing to go to counseling says that he must love you a lot and wants to be interested in what you are saying, it's just that guys don't normally like to chat as much as we women do. A lot of details bore them. Most men just want you to make your point and cut out the chatter. You can't change your husband, but you can change the way you relate to him. The more you focus on the fact that you feel like he is self-absorbed, the more it is going to eat at you and cause resentment. Whenever you start getting upset or resentful about it, just tell yourself this has never bothered you before. He is the same man you married, so you just need to accept him for the way he is. He sounds like a good father, and you don't mention any other horrible husband habits he has, so try to focus on his good qualities, and talk when you want to talk. He probably hears more than he acts like he does.
If the lack of connection and closeness is 80% 'his fault' and 20% 'your fault', you have the option to make the situation 20% better (even if he doesn't change!) Something else to think about.....if we convince ourselves that our spouses have bad habits, then we will view every move they make through that 'lens'. When we change our perspective and decide to look hard for the positive instead, it's amazing how much our spouses improve 
