Growthtrac Community

[resecured]

He's going to try and convince a judge to not follow the rules set by the court concerning this type of matter? Mercy!

-RJ-

[ladyt]

I have told him and will continue to believe God is not sleep and is not pleased at this behavior and if it were not for God's love and mercy and all that He's brought me through, I'd be bitter and vindictive. I feel sorry for him. His sister is dying of colon cancer and he went home for the 4th and less than 2 miles away, lives this sister. He had a sort of falling out with her over her son a couple of years ago and has not spoken to her and has not visited or called her. This is very upsetting to one of the believing sisters who I have a good relationship with. I'm going to keep praying. This too shall pass.

I almost bought gas for my teen's car last night. I will buy late tonight for her to go to school tomorrow. I will be gone all day today and she would have just ran it out. She only has 4 pampers left for the baby. I got a text from his grandma that she has pampers for him, so I guess she texted her and told her the baby is running out of pampers. I guess her dad has not given her money lately.

[SAM]

From what I recollect, I thought there wasn't going to be a car? However, once she turns 18 and leaves the house, I would imagine you will not see any money from her for insurance or for *. This is a no-win situation, isn't it? My oh my, I continue to lift you up in prayer.

[ladyt]

No car until school starts. She goes to school 16 miles from home and the baby goes to daycare center located on the school campus. Its the only high school here that has its own daycare. I cannot take her to school nor pick her up. She got a check for the car that I have cashed and paid car off. Her dad was trying to get her not to pay car off and that was what the intial check was for, a car. But with the tag and title being double what it was earlier this year, I ended up paying some out of pocket and her insurance was more than what was expected. The car is paid for but I paid down *.

Once I get title next week and sign over to her, I will drop her from my insurance. She will move out next week with her dad. He will move into his new home Nov 1st and leave ehr in his apt until Jan and then she says she is moving back here in Jan. I don't want a revolving door started.

I got a letter yesterday from my ex's attorney stating that my ex accepts the waiver of the 2 months of child support that I offered but also wants the remaining balanced waived in lieu of him coming after me for his attorney fees that I caused him to have by requesting suspension of his license which made him hire her. Hog wash! He had 20 days to respoond but he choose to wait until day 18. She also stated that the money he gave my dau while she was visiting my son counts towards child support obligation. Hog wash!

I don't know if I was to be intiminated byt his letter but I called and email his attorney last night saying ALL offers were off the table and to go ahead and request a hearing in front of a judge. I don't have time for this foolishness. My daughter told me the entire plan last night. Her dad knows I withdrew my offer and now has asked her to move in with him next weekend.

She also states her dad is buying her a digital camera for her birthday and a laptop for Christmas. My question is why tell her this yesterday? Why not surprise her at the time of the event? I say he's trying to get out of paying child support altogether and sue his dau even more so now. She can't see it but I guess life will ahve to teach her. I told her I love her no matter what and that I want the best for her and her baby but if she doesn't want it, there is nothing I can do or say but leave it to God to work out.

[SAM]

Glad to hear that the car was paid off, in terms of your liability and financial outlay. It will be interesting to see if she continues to carry insurance once you drop her from your policy.

You have done so much for her and have been a really good mom trying to steer her in the right direction. It's so hard to watch your children walk down a painful path when you know another way would provide much less pain.

It's amazing to be a bystander to the deceptive mind of someone. Her father is trying to buy her loyalty. However, she will eventually see through this. She will eventually see his true colors.

So glad to see you had an opportunity to go out and enjoy yourself. Two great books to consider picking up at this stage in your life, as you consider dating again. Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and How to Know If Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less by Neil Clark Warren.

Also, something to prayerfully consider as you re-explore relationships again as a sister in Christ...purity. It is difficult when you crave the affection of another and long for intimacy, but I want to encourage you to look for that intimacy and affection with Christ, and not through an earthly man.

[ladyt]

Thanks for the wisdom. I will get the books. The one thing I like about my friend is that he has not tried nor hinted at any kind of sexual relationship. I was afraid that he would but its been two months and we have gone on several dates. That's not important to either one of us right now and we pray that it stays that way. We both agree this relationship should be pure in the eyes of God. I thank God for that as one guy tried to talk to me and made sexual comments the first time we talked. So he immediately was blocked from being in my presence. I don't have time for that.

I am in school now and my friend is encouraging me to do my best. He's a good supporter. He attends the same church and sings in the choir with my ex-bro-in-law. My ex still attends the same church, however I never see him. I do text and leave voice ,essages about our dau or grandson but he never responds whcih is ok, just long as he knows what's going on. He can't say he didn't know.

Today I signed title over to my dau for the car. She said she would not pay me for the down * because she did not ask me to do it. Well I have a note here that she wrote stating she'd pay me back for all monies I spent for her car, infant med bills and air card that she ran up $800. Then she said if I watched her baby she would pay me. I told her no. Then she called last night saying she would pay me something on Nov 1st then ask could I watch the baby this Friday. She owes me $4,000 and I will take her to small claims court. I just forgave the arrears her da owes me for the sake of closure but I will not forgo that type of money when all she is going to do is blow it with these guys! She stopped by one day and her dad texted her to see where she was. She told him and he told her that I should understand she has priorities and she needs to come and get chores done and that I should give her gas money. Well I told her she better go but I would not give her gas money for stopping by my house. Unreal. BUt Go'd got this. I don't understand but I can trace His hand in this.

[SAM]

It sounds like you are developing a nice relationship with this man.

Question for you:
There were dynamics of your last marriage that were unhealthy and behavior patterns that developed that will be detrimental to future relationships. Have you considered a divorce recovery group or counseling that would help you recognize and change these patterns so you can be healthier in the future? Also, it would help you to recognize healthy behavior in people you are dating. This is a really important step to consider.

Interesting story about your daughter coming to your house for gas money and her father saying you should give it to her. They are still trying to manipulate you.

[ladyt]

Picked up Neil Clark Warren's book today and ordered the other on as an audio book.

There are things that I know from my past that are deal breakers in any future relationship. I realize what was unhealthy and the main thing is he NEVER wanted to talk about anything so I always caved in and swept things under the rug. I would always nag and beg him to talk to me or discuss things, which gave him more fuel to treat me the way he did.

There are several things I have on paper that are deal breakers and I thank God for the courage to stand by them. I went to a divorce recovery group and still have the workbook. I also was in counseling from the time we separated until the divorce.

I am enjoying myself and really don't see past each day as I want to go slow and develop a nice friendship although we are officially dating exclusive by chance. I'm not a multiple person dater. I have had a few try to get interested but when I see the resemblance of my ex I quickly end the conversation. I was happy being by myself. I was not looking for a relationship of any kind. I was not lonely. It just happened Aug 15th.

I just want to enjoy with no motives other than getting to know him. My ex was jealous of me going to school but my friend actually encouraged me to go back after I told him I would love to go back but did not know if I had the stamina. I gave up my business and he actually commented on my business acumen. He sees a lot about me that I thought only I knew. It’s scary.

So we will see. Neither one of us has marriage in our vocabulary at this point. I am just glad he is not a pressure cooker...

[SAM]

I'm sorry I did not remember if you had attended a support group or counseling. That was a very wise decision on your part to do so. It's probably what helped you keep some of your sanity.

That's awesome that you have a list of deal breakers. It's great to know when to walk away the moment you see one rear it's ugly head.

Good luck with school.

[ladyt]

Thanks SAM I'm excited about school.

Yes, I had a secular counselor and a Christian counselor. Besides I have been through so much the past 7 years that I feel I was prepared for this. I have no hatred for him and at best want to ahve a co-parent relationship for our children and grandchildren's sake.

I transferred title to my daughter and dropped her off my insurance and yesterday she was to have set up her own. She did not. When I asked her today why she is riding with no insurance on that car, which by law she has to have liability - she said she was busy. So she is driving her and her baby around in that car with NO insurance. I did leave her dad a message regarding the matter. What he does with the info is up to him.

I will continue to pray for them.

[rdsmith3]

LadyT

I think there is another aspect to what Sam is asking -- one that I have had to reflect on myself, as I am in a second marriage that is not going so well.

What are the things in me that attract me to a certain type of person? For example, I know that I desire love, acceptance and physical touch. Did this blind me to seeing certain issues in my spouse(s)?

What are the things in me that cause me to struggle in some relationships? It's not just the other person who is responsible for the less-than-ideal relationship. As another example, I grew up with two older brothers, and went to an all-boys private high school. I do not always know how to relate to women. I had no sisters, and my mother is not the huggy/kissy type.

[resecured]

ladyt,

It is so wonderful that you seem to be in a "take charge of my life" mode. It must seem so weird and scary at the same time.

I agree, take things slowly. Enjoy, the not having so much turmoil, right now.

I am praying that you find happiness. You deserve it.

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Hello rdsmith3,

I do understand what you are saying and I agree a person must look at what attracted the other person to them. As I previously stated, I went to counselling for months and my Christian counselor had me focus on me. We started with my childhood and my relationship with my parents then went from there. (Lot's of discoveries!)There were similarities in how I allowed guys to treat me and how my dad treated my mom.

We went through so much in those months that I felt relieved to finally know about myself. So that being said and seeing the same pattern in both my marriages, I feel I am better able to choose a partner based on what I want in a relationship and what things are not negotiable.

I am not looking to marry again and God has given me the satisfaction of not feeling that I need sex and I am so grateful for that. Had my friend mentioned it our relationship would be terminated as I stated up front what I was all about as far as a relationship. Thank God he feels the same. We are very similar and have had similar experiences until its almost scary.

I have learned a lot about myself in the last 16 months and if I could change back the hands of time I wouldn't, because it has led me to this point in my life where God has shown me to depend on Him, come to Him, talk with Him and my relationship with Him is better for it.

I'm half-way through a book SAM recommended, Date or SoulMate and I am shaking my head all the way. Good book! This was not me a year ago but I'm getting there and headed in the right direction.

By the way - all pending legal matters between me and my ex are over! Received signed order yesterday.

Keep challenging me and hold me accountable my GT friends.

[resecured]

ladyt-

Just wondering how things are going lately? Hope all is well.

-RJ-

[ladyt]

Hello,

All is well with me. I'm working on my MBA so I'm pretty busy most evenings after coming home from work.

Spent a few minutes with my dau/grandson on Sat after a workshop. She called me today to see if I wanted to go to the air show but there was only 2 hrs left of it and by the time she would have gotten here and left to go it would only have been a hr left. Besides I had a paper to finish.

She got her first check and did give me a * on what she owes me, however I think she spent he rest although she said she would put money away for her car insurance, traffic ticket and baby needs. I think she spent it.

Her dad has begun moving into his new house and told her that he does not see why I won't give her the bed she has here.

The baby is doing fine. She feeds him now that I've bought baby food; however, if she does not feel like it she only gives him a bottle and he's 7 mos 12 days. I have been praying for his protection.

Don't have much time for dating after I read the book Date or Soul Mate?. I also started on Boundaries in Dating. Both excellent books. I read the former one in 2 days.

I like him and like doing things with him but I don't think it will go any farther than it has. We had a big misunderstanding where he went into a mode that was not ok with me. He has unresolved emotional issues from as far as 40 yrs ago when his best friend died and he says he's just getting over it. His mother died in April and he says he wish he could give up everything to bring her back. AND he says every day he thinks about what he does not have at his age and I say, no oe told him to give up everything to his ex., leaving him to start from scratch. He is really struggling financially and I feel bad about abandoning him right now. I don't want it to see I only want to be with him if he has money. However I'm established for the most part. I don't have much left after I get paid but I can pay all of my bills, tithe and eat out once or twice a month.

So pray for me that I'm obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Not sure if I like hanging around him because I don't want to be not having someone to do things with or if I really like him. I think I just enjoy his company once a week. He is letting his Sat night shift go in order to see me twice a week, however I asked him not to do that on my account.

Oh well.