Growthtrac Community

[SAM]

If you know in your heart that this man would not be the one for you, then you need to let him know. Simply tell him you like his company, but do not have romantic interests. From what you say, he has some emotional and financial work to do. You've described some red flags, which should be an indication to end the relationship. If he's making a decision to give up his Saturday night shift, then he's VERY serious about you.

Remember, it's important to know what you want, and end the relationship in two dates or less. Otherwise, there gets to be an emotional attachment that is not healthy and hard to let go of. I think you know in your heart you should have stopped dating this person awhile ago.

Could being financially stable (not rich), but stable, be on of the items on your 10 needs list? That's not an unrealistic expectation.

[ladyt]

Hello SAM,

You are correct. I do know he is not the one for me because of his emotional state and his finances, however I like his company. I don't see how we can see each other as friends when he wants more than a friendship. It is hard to end it. He makes me laugh and pays a lot of attention to me. I think this clouds my judgment or maybe I don't like being alone 7 days a week but like an occasional adult male's company. He hasn't made any sexual advances towards me as he feels the same as I do about living pure as a single person, but I'm not sure how long that will last. He told me last week he has very deep feelings for me. I did not respond. So he asked how I felt. I told him I like him as a friend and that I did not share his level of feelings in this relationship. He stated he's going to work hard until I come around because he can see us doing great things together.

My immediate thought was, I'm not letting him use me as a financial crutch. I let him come over Sunday after church. His daughter called and he did not answer his phone. I did not like that. I'm sure he has his reasons. I had not seen him in a week and a half (my choice) and he invited me to breakfast last Sat, a week ago. I saw how happy he was that I met him for breakfast and he said he thank God for allowing our paths to cross. I told him I did not share his feelings but he says he does not care but he asks everyday when he calls....it’s SO HARD... I like what he says and his company but I feel I'm being selfish.

[SAM]

Loneliness is a hard thing, but why give this man the impression you would consider a long term relationship? Honey, you are depending on a man to fill the void, rather than our heavenly Father.

Of course it's hard to end it, but necessary. Look at the attachment you have already, and you wouldn't even consider marrying this man. He's great company and has paid you compliments, I'm sure. They are kind words that you have not heard in a long time. However, it's time to let him know. Even if you told him this is "only friends" - he will continue to work on changing your mind. A man gives up his Saturday night shift because he wants to spend more time with you, and it makes no sense for him to do so when he is struggling financially.

Pray for God to bring you the companionship HE desires for you. Maybe next time it will be a man who is healthier emotionally and financially.

[ladyt]

I agree TOTALLY. I've told him I have some information for him and that'd I'd share on Tues. I have class tonight. I have been praying about it and know that this is what I MUST address. I told him I would not marry him and want to be friends but with him, I know that's not possible. He says ok but when he speaks, its always that he's not giving up and I will see that he's a good guy and when I do decide to like him more than a friend, he will not say, "I told you so."...lol

But I know and I'll take care of it the next time we talk. I'll post the results. Thanks SAM. I appreciate you.