Growthtrac Community

[nikki]

Hi everyone,

I'm having an issue right now. My friend is having her bachelorette party tomorrow, and the person who is planning it wants all of us to go to a club (I don't want to because I don't like being in that type of environment b/c I'm a Christian). I want to tell them that I can't come, but how can I do this without seeming rude or like I have a holier-than-thou attitude? I was thinking to just go to the hotel for a couple hours before the club and then leave, but don't know if I should tell them I'm leaving b/c I'm a Christian, or just make up some excuse.

What would you do?

Your input would be appreciated!

Thank you.

[km]

What sort of "clubbing" are they going to do?

If this is a Chippendale sort of thing, or a real meat market/pickup bar sort of thing, simply decline the clubbing part with a simple "those places are just not for me" - don't make a big fuss about it. If prodded, you can eleaborate a bit more (but keeping the focus on you not fitting in there).

If there is some other reason to avoid a more mainstream club, you might gently refer to that other reason (perhaps personal convictions about alcohol in general - which are not imposed due to Christian doctrine - but yuo have chosen to adopt).

[nikki]

Km,

Thank you for your response. I shouldnt care what people think, but at the same time I don't want them thinking I'm some weird girl that doesn't like to have fun. I met these girls through my bf', and they already kind of can't relate to me because I'm the only one with kids, have been divorced, and don't have the kinds of issues that they have (eg. paying off student debt, living with parents etc) even though we are all the same age. I don't want me not wanting to go clubbing to be another point of difference between us.

Is it wrong if I do go to the club with them (as a Christian)?

Most of the girls there are in relationships, so it's not like there going there to get picked up. But they will be drinking, and there will be secular music, smoking, and all other types of things going on there that I can't stand anymore. I just don't want God to think that I want to live like the world, but at the same time, this is only a one time thing so I'm wondering if it would be really that bad to go just this once...

[km]

Is it wrong if I do go to the club with them (as a Christian)?
Most of the girls there are in relationships, so it's not like there going there to get picked up. But they will be drinking, and there will be secular music, smoking, and all other types of things going on there that I can't stand anymore. I just don't want God to think that I want to live like the world, but at the same time, this is only a one time thing so I'm wondering if it would be really that bad to go just this once...

Going to a club is not inherently wrong.
Drinking (within reason, not to excess) is not inherently wrong.
Secular music, per se. is not inherently wrong (although much of it is indeed trashy).
Smoking is certainly not good for a person, and as such cold be viewed as a minor sin, but you aren't going to be smoking yourself.


Jesus hung out in "unclean" laces with prostitues and tax collectors and was accused by the Pharisees of being a drunkard and a glutton.
I think you could go wwith the girls this once (minding that you not misbehave while there).

[charity1]

nikki,
While I agree that the things listed may not be inherently wrong, you have to remember that Jesus only hung out at "unclean" places in order to try to change the people. He didn't hang out with them so that he wouldn't appear different. In fact, we should appear different. We are told that evil companions corrupt good morals. Giving in "one" time can lead to another, and going against our conscience is a sin in and of itself. A Christian should abstain from all appearance of evil. If someone who knows that you are a Christian sees you going clubbing, they may assume that you are participating in all the things you hate now, then you have ruined your reputation and any positive influence you may have had on that person. Personally I don't go against my conscience, and if I'm called a "goody two-shoes", which I have been a lot in my life, so be it. I am trying to please God/Jesus, not people. I vote that you avoid that whole scene and go with your conscience. Like km said, you don't have to make a big production out of it, just tell them you aren't comfortable there. The devil loves for us to cross the line "just this one time". I would actually also suggest that you try to find some new Christian friends to hang out with so that things like this aren't an issue.

[km]

You have a couple of different perspectives here - and will need to decide which fits you.
I started out more the wild child and was a leader in the mischief - I am still friends with many of those old crowd and they see a difference now. Others would have a different impact.

[nikki]

Thank you both for your advice. I ended up not going - I didn't feel good about it at all.

[rdsmith3]

Did your friends have any reaction, good or bad?

Are you going to the wedding?

[km]

I noted that you might reasonably have gone either way.

It appears that you made a soid decision - based upon your particular circumstances. Nice going!

I wonder if this will be noticed positively by the boyfriend's mother.

[nikki]

rdsmith,

Well, they're my bf's friends, so I haven't heard anything from them so I don't know what they're thinking. But I did leave a message on the bride-to-be's voicemail to ask how it went. I'm only going to the reception because I have another wedding that I have to go to on the same day as hers.

km,

Thanks, I guess I could have gone but it just didn't feel right to me. I want to start paying more attention to the people I'm hanging out with and what they're doing and how it affects me. Not saying that I want to completely abandon my friends and people who are in the world, but I want to be the one to set an example as opposed to participating in the wrong things that they do. I want to find some Christian friends, and me and bf want to eventually start leading small group meetings with our friends who are still kind of in the world but want to live for Jesus.

[softy7]

You made a wise decision. Your bf's friends may thing you're wierd, but Jesus is pleased. Trust me, people are watching you. When I first became a Christian I had no positive impact on my friends who weren't because there was very little change in my behavior. But, as I began to grow in the Lord, my conviction became too strong to continue living the same and even hiding my relationship with Christ. As Christ changed me, I stopped talking like the world, doing what the world does, and going to the places the world goes. I've been praying for my unsaved friends and family and we are still friends, but I do not compromise my stand for Christ. I know they're watching me and I've actually noticed them being careful of their language around me and visiting my church every now and then. A few of them have actually accepted Christ. I am continuing to let my light so shine for God's glory. So, saying that clubbing is just not for you was enough because they will be watching your lifestyle and listening to your conversation in order to determine why you don't do as they do. And, judging by your godly convictions, they'll find out Who(Christ) was behind your decision. To Jesus be the glory!!!

[km]

nikki - I do affirm your decision.

In my case, I hung with some hard partiers in the past (and fully participated). They would have seen a complete cutting off as "proof" of the smug, no fun status of Christians and would have been less inclined to hear the Word rather than more. I still hang with them a bit and am still "fun", but only have a beer or two instead of closing the place, and am not wreaking havoc like the old days. They see a difference (a person now at peace, and who isn't "too good for them now" and still maintains the relationships with reprobates like them). Some of them have indicated that I've really changed in a good way, and some have been more open to Christianity.

It will vary from one person to another what is appropriate for each person.

[SAM]

We still have a few friends from HS that we have stayed in contact with throughout the years, who are very far from God. I even have a family member who is living with us for awhile, who finds a way to short-cut everything, or what I call an "angle".

When something comes up, I've found the simplest thing is to say, "I'm not comfortable with that." There usually isn't a confrontation.

You made a decision that the Holy Spirit was prompting you to make. There is a reason he makes us very uncomfortable with certain situations, and it's great you are listening to that.

However, keep in mind that Jesus did not isolate himself from people who were far from God, he carefully did life with them to teach them the truth. As Christians, we can become so comfortable with our Christan skin, that we forget we were once very far from God ourselves. We need to continue to have friendships with those who are far from God, but be very prayed up when we are in their environment instead of our own. Staying for a little while (one drink), and making and early exit is a consideration.

Unfortunately, many bachelor or bachelorette parties get pretty rowdy and have strippers... those are the parties to avoid.

[nikki]

Thank you all for your support!

softy,

Yes I have also noticed that people who are around me watch the way that they talk and the things they say in front of me. I am far away from being perfect but I hope that I can influence my friends and family in a positive way. And it's so good to hear that you were able to lead people to Christ - that is very inspiring and I hope that I will be able to do the same.

km,

I commend you because you are much stronger than me. Sometimes I feel like I can be influenced easily when I'm in the presence of certain things (eg. alcohol, cursing, etc) and that's why I think it would be wise for me to avoid those types of situations for now. But good for you! And I know what you mean about people saying that Christianity is boring, and looking for excuses to not come to Christ. I have seen a lot of that, and that is why I'm trying to avoid the 'I'm-better-than-you' type of attitude.

Sam,

I don't want to give up on my friends or anything, I just don't want the influence to bring me down the wrong path. I find that if I say 'yes' to doing something once, (eg having one drink, going to a club), somehow my mind will try to get me to justify going to another club, or having another drink. After all, if I did it once, why not do it again? (my mind - or the enemy - tells me).

[charity1]

nikki,
I commend you in standing up for your convictions and recognizing your own weaknesses. I believe we can be different from our worldly friends without having a "holier than thou" attitude. I have a brother who is an alcoholic. I have seen the mess he has made of his life. Thankfully he has straightened up now, but all it takes is one drink for him to have a life disaster. For that reason, I, personally can't social drink. Number one, who knows, I might develop the same problem, and number two, I wouldn't want to influence someone else to believe it is ok and then develop a problem. I believe I am supposed to be a positive influence on others. It has been my experience that people who make fun of you for not participating in drinking, smoking, cursing and clubbing are really trying to make themselves feel better about what they are doing. They know they shouldn't be doing those things either and when we abstain, it makes them feel a little uncomfortable. It takes guts to stand up for what you know is right. It is human nature to want to fit in. Hopefully our standing up for what is right will give others the courage to do it too. I believe it is important that our worldly friends see that we can have fun and be happy without the aid of alcohol. Unfortunately alcohol is an escape from problems for a lot of people. They need to learn there is a much better way to deal with their problems. I can't see Jesus sitting around in a club drinking a beer with friends, so I don't believe that is something I should be doing either. I don't believe we can go wrong with the "What Would Jesus Do" mentality. Hang in there and go with your conscience. Romans 12:1, 2:

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.