Growthtrac Community

[themother]

Hi I am not sure how to do this or even what to say..what I do know is I have a teenager
and she is struggling with my husband. I have 2 children from my previous marriage and 2 from my current marriage.
My oldest two were 3mths old and 3 years old when I left my ex for domestic abuse.
My husband has been a good father to my children and a good husband to me.
However I do think he struggles if I or anyone else disagrees with him. He doesnt like us to have a different opinion or not view things the way he does
this has impacted my teenager very much. She feels that he treats me like a doormat and I dont speak for myself and she also feels she has to do the speaking to protect herself and her siblings becoz Im his doormat.
She is a very good girl and towards people outside our family is very respectful.
She does not behave badly she does however disrespect me and my husband and gets in his face a bit.
I have always backed him up infront of her yet there are times I feel he can just leave her alone instead of getting in her face. I wanted him to just show her how she should behave by the way he himself behaves but he doesnt back down!

like I said before this is the only issue we are having and in everything else she is very diligent and very helpful never really complains about anything always helping her brother and sister and is very lovable to them all very affectionate child. lately she hates him so much that she wants to provoke him to hit her (what she told me) so she can go to hospital and he can get arrested.
He has lost his temper with her alot lately and him and I fight alot over everything but he generally blames her for our fight and she is frustrated because she does try to please him but she is tired of trying and want to aggrivate him!

She is very out spoken at home and not at all outspoken outside of home her friends encourage her to stand up for herself and she doesnt. I think thats why
she take her anger and frustration out on us and if we just love her and ignore her attempt to anger us so she feels we are wrong and its ok for her to behave the way she is I think she will feel accepted!

The main reason I am writting this is she and my husband got into it again tonight and she got in his face and her attempted to spank her (on her bottam) but she kicked scratched and rolled around I intervende and pulled him away I dont agree with him . I think she should be respected as a young adult and i feel her disrespected ehr and to me its abuse and I cant get it out of my head
what do I do to protect my child all of them becasue they were all watching and my teen was screaming her lungs out and fightened them too
Is it time to face the reality that its time to leave and protect all my children
I dont have the resourses for councelling it we are a big family and I dont work.
I live in the uk and do not know of any free councelling facilities and my husband believe that you dont talk to stranges about your personel business.
So how do I help my teen!?
I love my teen and shes a wonderful young lady and we get on very well except when he is around?

[km]

I'm thinking some family counseling on this one. If he is still (trying) spanking with teenagers, then he clearly doesn't get that discipline of kids chanes ver their childhood. Teenagers, for example are past the time of spanking - that is only for those too young (and being too willful) to have things told/explained to them in a way that they will understand.

I shudder to think of what would have happened if I had tried the spanking route with my son as a teenager (someone would have ended up in the hospital).

[rdsmith3]

Welcome to this forum.

Blended family situations can be very complex. I agree with km that spanking is not appropriate discipline for a teenager, and it is especially not appropriate for a step father to spank a teenage step daughter. Loss of cell phone privileges, access to Facebook, etc. can be much more effective forms of discipline for teens. At the same time, it is natural for teens to be rebelling, and for their behavior to be all over the place. You have to pick your battles with them. They eventually become human again.

There could be a lot more going on with the family relationships that a professional counselor would see that might not be obvious to you. It would be great for you to get some counseling as a family with a good Christian counselor.

[themother]

Thanks for all the wonderful advise
Will seek help!
May you all be blessed!