Growthtrac Community

[mariagee67]

Is it "normal" to continue to feel guilty about a situation even if you have reconciled with it mentally? Here's the background .... my husband has filed for divorce, not 2 years after we were married. Prior to that, we had dated about 7 years. During the time we were dating, I misrepresented myself (i.e. lied) to him about previous partners. I point blank lied about one person, then a second, and finally a third (who was actually still a friend of mine, though the "relationship" had ended many years prior). The third one really hurt my husband because he had always said he only wanted honesty from me. Even with all that baggage (or in spite of), we were married. I honestly thought that if anyone could "get past it", it would be my husband because he was/is a Christian man.

When I was insecure (not because of anything he did, but because of my own issues), he would not reassure me, would say I had to make a choice to not give in to the crazy thoughts and to ask God for His help in getting through it. It took me years, but I finally "got it" about a year or so ago. Now I feel like he's not making the "right choice", but that's not why I'm writing. I have not helped things along in the trust department ... I have said (on several ocassions) to him that he deserved to get cheated on (yes, I know very, very , wrong). And he's at the point of no return. I understand it. My sister doesn't understand why I'm not mad, but there's no reason to be mad at him. He's entitled to feel what he feels.

The thing is that I have often returned to having these feelings of guilt over what I did, and now I'm quite consumed and find myself looking back on everything I have ever done wrong in my life. Mentally, I understand I can't change my poor choices and I keep saying to him and to myself that I have made peace with myself, but in my nightly prayers, I often find myself thinking back on all these choices and literally wanting to slap myself! How do I begin to move forward? I have asked God for His forgiveness, I have asked my husband for his forgiveness, but I still find myself dwelling on all things bad. Will I finally be "free" when I am in my own place? I feel like everything that is going on right now is some type of atonement and that I'll begin to feel better once I have moved on with my life. Am I just fooling myself?

[SAM]

The words you hear are not from God. His words will be kind and loving and caring and will build you up with love.

Words of condemnation and guilt are from the Evil One.
This is a spiritual battle. He has caught you up in the world of lies which destroyed your marriage to a very good
Christian man. He does not stop here.

I would encourage you to meet with the elders of your church and pastor to be prayed over. Or a circle of Christian family or friends who will do this on a weekly basis with you.

Some time in a support group or counseling would also be helpful. Praying for you that you can find a place of peace.

[mariagee67]

Thank you Sam ... somehow, caught up in this, I ignored the most obvious. You're right that's it's not coming from God. I still struggle with this and just cry at the fact it still creeps into my psyche. I'll just continue to remind myself that I am worthy of His forgiveness and that I can't change the past. Unfortunately, not currently a member of any particular church although there is one that I go to on ocassion. I have to find the right place for me. Thank you.

[dwk]

I have found that when I recall and begin to feel guilty again for my failures as a husband, I thank God out-loud verbally for already forgiving me and praise Him for His forgiveness! It really helps!