Growthtrac Community

[ladyt]

I thought I'd start a new topic.

My teen left with her baby at her dad's urging on Oct 1st. We were in the midst of legal battles and I ended the legal battle by forgiving the debt he owes.

Our dau is still undergoing counselling but she is so disrespectful towards me. It would help if her dad respected me and was willing to communicate with me.

Our dau has had inappropriate relations with a school volunteer. That volunteer was let go last week. Well I got a call today stating my dau wanted to quit school due to students teasing her about the incident. She lives with her dad so I asked the principal to call her dad and she gave her principal the number.

So I called my dau after I got off and when I was done, I said, I'll talk to you later and she made the comment, "I don't know about that." Stunned, I said, what? She then said, you ask too many questions. So I said ok and said good night.

2 hrs later she texted saying ehr dad came home and said it was her fault the guy got fired. She said she wanted to come home tomorrow. I did not respond. Then she texted and said her dad said she could sleep in her car if she wanted. He also stated that if she left school she can get out of his apt. So she says that is what she will do. So she wanted me to respond right away. I did not.

Last weekend she went away with her boyfriend and the paternal grandma called me to try to reach her. I called and texted for 24 hrs and no repsonse. Her dad would not call me or the paternal grandma to see if he had heard from her. So I texted her stating I was concerned and that I'd called the police. Lo and behold I got a response! She rarely answers my cals and when she does she is rude, asking me if its urgent because she's busy! Then she hangs up. If I ask about the baby she says I ask too many questions. Boy does those words sound familiar.

The guy I caught in my house in July, left a message on her cell saying when he sees her he is going to "F" her up and her family and baby if she does not give him his hat. She claims she does not have a hat for him. I am afraid of her moving back here and letting guys in my home. She needs to work it out with her dad.

Now that all the legal stuff is over, he has been acting funny with her.

[rdsmith3]

You're wise to keep firm boundaries with her. She needs to learn to be responsible and accountable, and that won't happen if you bail her out of trouble all the time. I know it is hard to let her suffer the consequences when there is a baby involved, but it might be for the best if the baby ends up with other parents. She seems to be too immature and self-centered to care for a child.

[ladyt]

I agree. It sooo HARD, however I will not contact her when she's trying to run away from conflict. She has to grow up. She is so rude to me when she get a chance to be. I don't like it. She and her dad are alike in so many ways and I know they really don't get along but he will try to say she's doing great even if he's having a hard time with her.

I don't like that he told her its ehr fault for the guy getting fired. No staff or vlounteer of a school shoudl have any relations with a student, so that is why he was let go. Our dau has enough emotional/mental issues since her sexual abuse by clery happened 2 years ago.

I will keep praying her, her baby and her dad.

[km]

lady t - How are you doing? We haven't seen an update for a couple weeks.

[ladyt]

Well a lot has happened. My dau and grandson are back with me after her dad heard that she asked me to move back in in Jan. He aslo was upset bc he heard she paid me a * on what she owes me and he told her not to repay me.

So while she was at school he took the bed and dresser and took all of her thigns out of drawers and closet and place them in bins. So when she got home to the apt she called me.

She is planning to go out of town with her boyfreind and his family. She is drivng her car alone and her bf will ride with his family. He's 17.

She cashed her check today but has blown $200 today. She has not bought baby any formula.

Ok in June I got her a 2007 Honda CR-V with 8K miles on it. Well this past Sunday she traded it in for a Honda Element with 44K miles on it. She went from having no car note to having a $177 a month note. Arghhh... She doesn't listen and doesn't understand.

She talks of marrying this guy she's been with for 10 weeks. She has his name tattoed on her side about 4 inches high. Sad.

[resecured]

Isn't it amazing that your ex is still trying to wreck havoc in your life? What is so sad is that he is trying to through your dau. Does he not remember that you forgave the debt that he owed? Where's his new life? Does your dau. understand a little better now about her dad? How he's good as long as you do as he says, otherwise you get tossed.

She doesn't worry because she knows you are there to oversee things. I know that it would be too hard to just stand by and let that little one do without. She knows that you won't so is still apt to push it as far as she can.

I find it interesting that she didn't ride with the BF and his family. Would they allow their 17 yr son to marry her, especially just knowing her for 10 weeks?

I pray that she has at least learned that she needs to show you more respect. I hope that seeing how her father has treated her will cause her to think about how gracious and loving you really are towards her. Has she been in contact with her dad since he moved her out?

[km]

I am sorry to hear that she is doing little to no better on her decision making in life. You certainly steered her into a very good car - and she has traded down (much more miles on the vehicle, more cost to own/operate and a hefty *). Experience is a tough teacher and she is not learning form it - yet.

I don't mean any disrespect to you at all - but were I her bf's folks, I'd be staging some sort of intervention to prevent a marriage. She is young and immature - with a baby - at 18. I would have been inclined to intervene with regard to my son (he was 22, she was 19) but for the fact that it was his child she was pregnant with (and I was praying the responsibility would shape him up - I did have an idea that he had the potential to be a very good father if he got his head out of his posterior, and he has straightened out a lot, and is a good father & husband - although he is far from working through all his issues).

I was most concerned with you yourself when I inquired - how are you doing personally?

[ladyt]

He doesn't care about any of that. No matter how cordial I try to be. Ny dau said the other day that she feels she is in the middle due to her dad's hatred of me. I told her she is not in the middle b/c I do not say anything about her dad to her and when she is upset with him I said, You know how your dad is and leave it at that.

Its sad that he used her and will use her when he gets ready. As I was moving her I saw his guest list for his house warming. The female we separated over is on the list. I thought they had departed ways.

The BF will be 18 in Feb so I look for something to be revealed like eloping. She's already saying she's Mrs Davis and they opened a bank account, well she added him to her account against my wishes.

Her dad has been texting her all day, even right now. Geez, abuse her then try to make up. He text her saying he did not want money from her for the apt bc he is not like her money hungry mom...hahahaha He is too funny, me money hungry? NOT! Just bc she has to pay me back for the downpayment on the car she wanted that she doesn't own any more. She had $700 a few weeks ago and she blew it in 3 days. So yes I will accept * or she will blow it with her BF.

[ladyt]

Yes, we can intervene, however they will do it anyway. His step mother doesn't like her, however his dad and biological mother does.

My grandson has to have nightly treatments with this machine until March of 2010. My dau will not treat him nightly. She just allowed me to go get the meds tonight after 2 weeks of it being prescribed.

She is going to have to learn on her own. I cannot control her and her dad is making it worse for her. She will not heal with him displaying the behavior she sees him displaying.

I will pray for them both.

I am doing fine. I'm in school for my MBA. I let the guy go who I was semi-dating, so I'm wonderful. Can't take any more drama in my life.

[km]

Some people are born for drama, and some people have drama thrust upon them (to steal and twist an old literary reference).

I am glad your hanging in there.

I got a text message from my D-I-L that unsettled me (sort of like when the kids wander in and casually ask "where do we keep the fire extinguisher?") - she asked if I know someone near them who handles DUI cases, and could help with getting an arrest warrant cleared up.

[rdsmith3]

oooh, that's not good. I pray that no one was hurt.

[km]

I am suspecting that this is an old one (like from not showing up at a court date and having a warrant issued).

They are talking about trying to buy a house (although I can't imagine them qualifying for a loan due to credit issues that I am dimly aware of) and scrambling to take care of lots of blemishes in their credit/finances - this may have turned up in that process.

[ladyt]

Sounds like no one was hurt or whomever is in need of a arrest warrant being cleared up would already be in jail. Sounds like a missed court date. Not good.

Yes some people are born for drama. My dau turns her infant car seat around facing her bc she says its easier for her to tend to him if he's crying. I think he cries a lot because he's hungry.

She does not get up and feed him, just gives him a bottle, no baby cereal or nothing. He had lost 2 more pounds. Late for school most days and this is her last year!

The baby's father wants to get paperwork done for child support to begin. My dau does nto want the baby to have his dad's last name but the guy she's dated for 10 mos, she wants him to have his name! CRAZY!!!!!

Monday of this week, she called me while I was in school. Her dad took her clothes out of the closet and dresser drawers and placed them in bins. He took the bed and dresser while she was at school. No note or anything. Tues, he texted her all evening long! He told her now he has to pay 2 mos of rent. Well he had to pay anyway bc he is under a lease. Then he told her he did not want any money from her as he is not like her money-hungry mom. OMG, I can't believe he said that! As much as I have done for her and her baby. Yes I want the $4k I spent on her car as it was a loan and yes, she has to pay it back, that was the agreement to get the car before she actually got her settlement money.

Since they have been with me this week, the baby has gained 1.2 lbs!

[SAM]

Oh my, that dear little one should not be losing weight.

Have you thought that the reason her father has done what he has done, is to gain some sense of control over you again?

[ladyt]

I was going to be posting tonight anyway, so here it goes.

I had to put my dau out Sat night. She refuses to do what is expected and laughs when told what to do. She needs help but I guess she will get it when she harms herself or someone else. I cannot take the blantant disrespect. I bought a book by Alice Bottke and I see that I have been an enabler. Well no more. She's neglecting the baby and CPS had not done a thing about. A report was called in today. I don't want to rescue til death! Let's see what happens. So what happened? Let me name a few.

1. soiled diapers in bed trash can openly
2. used bottles with a little milk (spoiled) in bed and on floor
3. lying about me to her dad and vice versa
4. opened check about with new bf name on it
5. take bf to from work and meets him on break
6. skips 1st class of the day so she can sleep in
7. went to strip club Sunday night although she's only 18
8. will not give baby meds nightly(suppose to do this until March 2010)
9. told her to feed baby cereal in a.m. and she refused stating if she did she will miss 1st period bc she is not getting up early
10. cursing me for no reason
Arghh...poor baby!!!!

She told the other grandma I put her out and said she was not welcome here any more. She told my son that as well along with other lies. I know there is something going on with her money between her and my son. I did not say that but I am not surprised she said it. I texted her dad yesterday and he texted back for the first time, however he did not text back today when I asked had he heard from her as her counselor was trying to contact her. She has new phone.

She told me not to call her nor ask ask about the baby. I will not contact her. I rather her face the consequences at 18 vs 30. God will have to use someone to watch baby as it cannot be me. She did not go to school today. She states she is moving to NC to her bf mom's house, who she does not know and only has dated this 17th yr old for 10 weeks. Lord protect her and bring her to yourself Father!